Wednesday, April 21, 2010

DON'T Run Your Very Own Horror Movie Marathon

To engage an audience in the viewing of a horror movie marathon is an art. I tend to think it's more like throwing paint at a canvas (off-red pastel paint) and turning on a black light, but it's probably akin to finger painting by number after drunkenly playing with a deli slicer. So here are the numbers and paint colors (if you still have your fingers).

The absolute most important part of any good horror marathon is... booze. Brews, the hard stuff, bourbon... pick your poison and serve it in copious amounts. This will insure that if your movie selection or home decor is less than frightening at least you'll get a laugh, get laid or get some shut eye. Picking your poison should not be arbitrary. I have found that a thirty pack of bud works as good as a fifth of your favorite dark brown liquor, but there are ways to make this more interesting. The choice of alcohol could be a blog in itself but think spooky (Harpoon UFO, Rouge Dead Guy Ale, Delirium Tremons... something with a Viking on the package). Skull vodka or Black Label Jack Daniels if you want the hard stuff. Red wine... you know why. We shall revisit this topic around Halloween, but until then, get creative... if you're watching a movie in which rednecks in the middle of nowhere haplessly slaughter a group of teens... celebrate with Pabst or Beast. Get me?

Dogfish Head Punkin Ale
Shipyard Pumpkinhead Beer
Saranac Pumpkin Beer

Movie selection is key. You can put your buddies to sleep if you're not careful. I once showed a room full of stone drunkards The Golem... a SILENT MOVIE FROM THE EARLY DAYS OF FILM!!! Think about what it's like to watch a silent movie sober. Think about watching it... when you can't READ! You can pick the movies yourself sticking to a theme, playing with the dynamics between movies (ebb and flow... ebb and flow) or you can do my personal favorite: allow the movie goers to vote.

Create ballots that are formal invitations that have some spooky horror/Halloween graphic art on them and a brief description of each candidate movie. Send them to your guests. Tally the RSVP's. Your guests will feel more included if not slightly more educated. It's important to load the ballot with movies you know will do the trick. Do not allow them to pick movies that will make them go to sleep (leave those off the list unless you have ulterior motives... boobies?). Finally, don't pick too many movies. I once tried to run the entire Friday the 13th series from Mrs. Voorhees to Jason Goes to Hell, and we didn't make it past Tommy Jarvis digging up Jason in part 6. Four movies tops... that'll do it. You can always plan an extra to settle down with around 4am that has tons of plot and "exploitables" (see previous blogs for short list of "exploitables).

Chronological list of horror movies to consider

Random thoughts:

-Start later, 9PM or later. Do not start after midnight or before sun down. It just ain't natural.

-Get a variety of food. You have no idea what you'll want late into the evening. Pizza works. Hot wings are good. Fast food is great, but you need to have something sweet too. Themed food is fun, but cumbersome and unappreciated after the first glance. Pixie sticks have been a staple since I was in eighth grade.

-High caffeine drinks like Jolt, Mountain Dew or... espresso... work too. :tweak:

-Use Google to search for printable art, Halloween decorations, costumes (if you're not paying attention), props, movies and invitations. Live it. Love it. It works.

-Wear pajamas, not costumes. Harder to get laid in costumes unless someone would need to paper bag you in order to ... ya know... do the thing.

-Everyone must crash at your pad. Not just for drinking/driving prevention. It's always fun to discuss the night over hangover breakfast (see Irish Breakfast from previous blogs).

-Halloween is an excellent time for a marathon, but you may get interrupted... if you don't obey the 9PM rule. Halloween in July is an excellent theme... similar to Christmas in July. No presents. Save money. Horror enthusiast are frugal (thrifty, courteous, brave).

Back to more organized thought: Decorate as much as you want and the more the better. Your Halloween decorations will work, but your local dollar store has things year round that want to be hung on your wall. Do not use real knives, real blood or real body parts. Dangerous, sticky, smelly... in that order. Christmas lights work too... they set a mood and you don't have to worry about leaving candles burning when you pass out because you had to many Shocktober brews.

Do give your guests coffin shaped boxes filled with hand guns. Do not give them real guns. If you do not understand why this is a rule please review House on Haunted Hill... the one with Vincent Price please.

What charming party favors...


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