LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Monday, April 19, 2010

Over 100 of the Most AMAZING Movies Ever Made (BUT THAT YOU'VE PROBABLY NEVER WANTED TO SEE)!


This past weekend I departed from the world of normal folk (that would be the world of ... New Jersey) to the world of SOMETHING WEIRD and that would unmistakeably be... Chelmsford, Massachusetts! It really wasn't that Chelmsford is any different from New Jersey other than a difference in accent, higher density population of the Irish and ten degrees different in temperature. No, this trip was something weird because my future brother-in-law and I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning to watch a disc full of trailers from the B-horror, C-horror, D-horror, F grade movie publisher Something Weird Video.

OFFICIAL SITE OF SOMETHING WEIRD VIDEO!!!

SWV (Something Weird Video) specializes in, "one-stop shopping for all your exploitation/sexploitation/world of the Weird indulgences. The true video nut need not look further than here!" To list the movies worth watching from this illustrious distributor of the lack luster would be an exercise in futility, but you can find plenty of H.G. Lewis classics, semi-porn 60's super bush and the best fake blood this side of Crayola washable finger paint.

KIDS... DO NOT DUMP THIS ON YOUR CLOTHES AND USE AS FAKE BLOOD!!!

Not to plug SWV too finely, but this is the stuff that a good movie marathon or double feature is made of. Brian and I freakishly and without method jumped from trailer to trailer absorbed in finding everything from Buckwheat in a scissor lock to death by falling rock... yes... rock... falling rock to Edgar Allen Poe as created by a Second Grade art class who couldn't read all the words!

If we had to turn you on to one movie... just one... it would be (by specialty): "The Pigkeeper’s Daughter". That's for you sick-o semi porn folk. For the true blue, mad monster fetishest we have "Horrors of Spider Island". These spiders, don't look like spiders. I won't say they aren't scary at all... you'll have to see that they aren't scary for yourself. "Confessions of a Psycho Cat" will scare you into... boredom, if that's conceivable, but it's clearly worth a laugh (especially after a few Miller Lites or WachusetT Country Ales). Murder, revenge, hunting humans for sport... this film has it all. For years I wondered what the movie "Mantis in Lace" was about. I saw it in movie catalog after movie catalog with suggestive pictures and intriguing art Mantis art. Now I know you get the same cheap thrill from dropping a dollar in a nudie booth rather than wasting the $4.95 rental fee.

To peruse a sampling of the fine Massachusetts selection we imbibed during our trailerfest

HORROR OF SPIDER ISLAND: THE TRAILER

As mentioned before, there's plenty of Herschell Gordon Lewis trailers to keep you laughing/vomiting and enough boobies to choke a horse (how many boobies does that take again?). And if you're looking for something festive and, Mother's Day is coming up, there's always "Please Don’t Eat My Mother!"

Buy the mega collection of trailers here... if you dare... if you haven't moved out of your parent's house and still have spare cash

All in all we learned that we are not as young as we once were, Irish breakfast conquers all hangovers especially with a Bloody Mary to wash it down (no really... bangers, black and white pudding... insta-hangover relief) and movies that are forgettable demand trailer compilations so that we may celebrate them.

This was not sponsored by Something Weird, but I'm sure they'll be hob-knobbing with us shortly trying to win our paid endorsement.

Until next time creature feature addicts,

-Double Agent 73 aka the Jim formerly known as Terror

1 comment:

  1. i want to see it! i've seen a few of the movies in it.

    ReplyDelete