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Monday, August 30, 2010

DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK (movie review)

Here at Dr. Terror's Blog of Horrors we do not write movie reviews. Further more we do not write movie reviews with spoilers or (if you haven't figured out if we've stumbled down the rabbit hole yet post blue pill ingestion) we don't recap plot. EVER! That being said, Dr. T (infinitely wise, spiritually supernatural) has decided to review this somewhat unusual tale brought to you be the crazy ladies of Soska. They be the Soska Sister, Jen and Sylvia. Why you ask? Why would Dr. Terror actually review a movie in the B.O.H.? The reason is twofold.

One. I received a copy of the film with accompanying vinyl, catchy, creative and collectible bumper sticker from who, I can only imagine, are the fabulous, flying Soska Sisters. This led me to believe that somewhere in this great blue marble a force beyond me, somewhat awe inspiring and highly influential (that's Kristy Jett folks)told me to write this review. And then something about, if I write... they will come.. then I got freaked out and peed. After seeing the movie, I peed again, vomited and put my jock strap with pre-inserted cup on (because if the Soskas are coming, it's worse than if they entire cast of Hostel was given your home address and a buy one, get one free coupon).

Two. As a young lad, the good doctor had friend who drove a dark blue Volvo station wagon. It had some ridiculous name. A ridiculous sound system. There may have been Christmas lights. Upon some evening on some night some where, my friend was pulled over for one of these three offenses. 1. Christmas lights in the car. 2. Ridiculous Sound system or 3. his megaphone with CB attachment was saying something highly suggestive and perhaps from Austin Powers. Upon the police officers query as to what my friend might have in his possession that might warrant a search of his automobile my dearest, most industrious friend replied... nothing but a dead hooker in the the drunk. As you can see I have very good reason to want to pay homage to my dearest departed friend (departed as I think he might be born again Christian somewhere).

So here. we. go.

Warning! Plot Summary as a vehicle to get you to better understand my review because a real reviewer wouldn't need to plot summarize and destroy the audiences visual experience or sense of surprise. A real reviewer would use poetic license to get you intrigued enough to watch the picture. I am not that creative or that poetic (even though I watched Dead Poet Society a hundred times when I was a kid... ask Mommy Terror).

From the Liner notes:

"Four Friends set out on an everyday errand and end up in a fight for their lives when they discover the body of a dead hooker in their trunk. Led by be a sexy impulsive Bad ass, her distant Geek twin sister, their bible thumping, Jesus loving Goody Two Shoes friend and a chaotic rock star Junkie pal, the group has to put aside their differences to dispose of the body before they're next"

At first, and let there be no mistake, I had my doubts about the Soska sisters stupendous slashing and hacking. The opening scene features a band that isn't exactly Dr. T's cup o' tea. I thought to myself, "did someone forget to turn the chorus and/or flange down on the vocals? How could those two voices be so far apart on each lyric? Is this scream-o or bleed-o (ear bleed music)". So there was that, and I assure you there is no offense meant by it. It was just a bad first impression. The camera was... shakey at best, and I got nauseous for all the wrong reasons.

I get that it's an independent film, but my confidence in the much lauded sisters of slaughter started to slip. Then some over driven sound (that actually added a certain Nine Inch Nails quality to the whole thing) but probably not intentional. I wondered, did that poor little kid in that scene get counseling after she was made to act to shoot that man? Would there be psychological trauma (not the Lloyd Kaufman kind folks). Who hired one of the members of the Mountain Goats to play Jesus tunes in that church? Why didn't the Soska's spend as much on actors as they did on that bad ass Firebird? And how can somebody make an anal bead joke fall flat (I mean... they're anal beads :snicker:)?

So I've got all these questions. These bad first impressions. One half hour in and we have a problem Houston. Guess what happens next... THE MOVIE FUCKING GETS SO GOOD THAT I FLAILED MYSELF FOR BEING SUCH AN IGNORANT RAT FUCKER!!! No... really I did. I even withheld my second bowl of Frosted Flakes. It wasn't the movie that was bad; it was I that didn't understand that this a fucking hilarious gore fest with a really creative bunch of wacko women at the helm... but smart wacko women! Really smart. Like put them on Jeopardy and they'll torture Tribek for money rather than play some stupid game show.

There's nothing like a creepy old man with a goat. Further I say there's nothing quite like that man fucking a dead body. I haven't seen necrophilia like that since grade school (Clerks). This movie is the Breakfast Club in drag or the blood equivalent of drag. What happens when the whiny emota-Christians with their hymnals meet up with the dope swallowing, vamp-punk, pee while standing up crowd? It's Abbott and Costello meets Frankenstein. It's Molly Ringwald giving her earring to Judd Nelson... or at least it feels that way. Stereotype bending, youth growth film with the best damn hand gun blasts to the head and love that chainsaw scene. Savini would love the originality of the texture of the brains (if not realistic it certainly was aesthetically pleasing).

Best line in the movie (spoiler... damn these feel good): "It looks good. You look like an Anime character." I laughed when I typed that. That NEVER HAPPENS! (except when drunk... and I'm certainly not drunk... least I don't think I am).

Home surgery. Triage. A beginner's guide on how to hide a body in and out of a trunk. Vomiting. More vomiting. The last temptation of a youth group leader. I mean how many movies beg the question, "have you ever been skull fucked after an ass rape?" I know I certainly haven't been. And I've tried to proposition people to do that, but they always tell me that you can't rape the willing. Well, duh! Kiddies, the gore/torture sequences in this movie are visually stunning. They paint blood pools around Picasso.

I wanna get the male lead in this picture and put him in a remake of every single H.G. Lewis movie chronological order. Bet he can do a great Southern accent. Bet he'd make a great overly religious, Egyptian novice surgeon. Somebody tell CJ Willis that he needs to talk to Eli Roth about producing Blood Feast or Wizard of Gore or maybe Gruesome Twosome (wouldn't that be perfect for the Soskas as well).

As I said earlier Dead Hooker in A Trunk will take you a little while to get into it. The movie takes time to develop into what it actually wants to be. It starts off trying to be overly serious (and that's probably unintentional or again, my own short comings). By the 45th minute you'll be giving your Auntie a vomit bag and holding her hair back or maybe you won't and... whatever you're into. It's one liner soup. It's vomit and blood stew. It's four course dinner. It could change the world. By the end of this one I kinda felt like I was watching the emotional equivalent of Into the Wild or, as previously stated, The Breakfast Club. I felt like we really got to know these four teens (or post teens or whatever) and Simple Minds wasn't in the credits, but I heard it being played in the distance and someone telling someone to keep their unit on.

And in the end... clever credit sequence. (I mean I really liked it and actually rubbed one out... or something less perverse).

Stars. Dr. Terror don't need no stinkin' stars. Enjoy creepers. It's worth your time and your blood money.

-Offical Dead Hooker Website
-Dead Hooker IMDB
Go check out what the Sprayer had to say about

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