LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Day 27 of the 30 Day Horror Challenge: Guilt Free Ghoulies


Day 27 - Your favorite guilty pleasure –

“They'll get you in the end”… you know… like in the butt!

Is it this one?



Or Maybe this one?



Definitely this one right?



...

WRONG! (if you didn't pick that up from the title of this blog or from the captioned picture we need to go back to block letters and round hole square peg kinda stuff)

Best question to ask a horror fan(I assure you this is very subjective)… what’s the difference between a Ghoulie and a Critter? Simple answer is that one is a demon and one is an alien. Better question might bet to ask would be what is the difference is between a Munchie and a Ghoulie? The answer, Munchies are perverted and speak in high pitched/helium voices (spend most of their films trying to look up skirts and murder is really a foot note to boobs). So with that in mind, you have a continuity of small critters of the mid 80’s. Probably throw in Deadly Spawn in there somewhere, but let’s get down to Ghoulies (we can’t go through all the embarrassing crap I watched as a kid that has small furry-esque creatures). Am I guilty about loving this movie? Yes, yes I am. I watched it about six months ago after a rather long respite from this series. Why do I need to find a priest to confess my sins to post-viewing? My wife walked in while I was watching it and I got red in the fucking face with embarrassment!



Ghoulies has some of the worst “good” acting of any movie from the 1980’s. That means, the actor tried, hard. Ghoulies isn’t a screwball comedy or at least I still don’t believe it was made to be one… cause it was. It’s meant to be taken seriously (right?). Creepy house. New couple move in. Discover Satanic books and artifacts in the basement. Curious guy with 80’s hair decides he’s a demon master and raises midgets. Raises midgets a few times. Midgets convince him that he can raise demons. Demons run amok. Put a pentagram under your bed, throw a kick ass hair metal mixer party and worship Satan while snortin’ coke off each other’s bellies. I know my description of this films sounds awesome, right? It isn’t that good. That description, with liberties taken, was accurate, but it still not that great. Midgets. In. Armor. Should be the movie of the century. Glowing blue/purple pentagrams, at the height of the Satanic craze no less… should be the movie of the later 80’s right? Nope.



So it’s alright to like movies this cheesy when you show them on Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or when you’re drunk and making fun of it, but to take it seriously is a whole other matter. Ghoulies was the movie that my father recorded right after Mary Poppins when he first learned how to dub VHS. So I’d sprinkle a little sugar on my Legos so they’d put themselves away, fly a kite and jump into a drawing and then immediately worship Satan, have sex on a bed over a glowing pentagram and watch little creatures come out of toilets. I don’t think that was the plan exactly when my father made the recording, and I had already seen Creepshow so hell… it’s fine right?



I’m sure my love of this was part advertising. The cover of the VHS had a cute little green creature popping out of a toilet. I did check the toilet for a good long while after seeing this picture. Also, being a huge fan of the television show and mini series, V, this same creature did resemble the “other” alien baby. Not the star child, the one that died to give the rebels their chance at freedom from the visitors. I’m quite certain I didn’t realize that it was intended to be a comedy. I took it very seriously. The sequels are hilarious at best. I still don’t know what to make of them. I still like all of the series in terms of VHS cover. Good font. Good imagery. Simple, to the point.



This is getting embarrassing. I’m attempting to bolster up reasons for my love for a film that is absolutely abysmal. It was this or Mr. Boogedy and I still think that Mr. Boogedy is a creepy fucking movie. So take a look at both trailers and let me know which way you would have gone. We’ll discuss Boogity at a later date, when its not dark and I can write without hearing that dreaded “Boogity Boogity Boo…”



-Dr. “Tastes Like Chicken” Terror.

Yes, Mr. Boogedy scared me as a kid. He may even scare me now. I think that's truly the kind of guilt this day is supposed to be inspired by. Head... wallowing... in shame.

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