Thursday, May 5, 2011

Review: Bad Taste – Lord of the Gore

So the guy who brought all those cute hobbits and elves and mystical magical Tolkien creations to life… that guy started off making cheap, alien gore pictures? I am stunned and thrilled and not disappointed, but am almost offered some semblance of hope. I miss movies for all the wrong reasons and if I told you that I didn’t know what Bad Taste was about until I watched it, you’d laugh at me. That cover is hilarious (an alien flicking you the bird is essential viewing in most countries). I’m a lazy horror/sci fi/gore fan. Apparently I have been for some years my dear readers (if I still have any after my most recent string of revelations about my lack of background in supreme cult classics). I’m making up for years of lost time henceforth referred to as “the lost years” when I took life “too seriously”. Rob Zombie always said that politics doesn’t belong in music… I don’t believe it should belong in the daily lives of most people either. Moving on…

This picture celebrates something the American culture adores. Fast food. Furthermore it celebrates fast food with aliens. Giant green gobs of greasy grimy people guts served to aliens at discount prices. They’ll be a drive thru with a dollar menu to boot if it isn’t for the Kiwi heroes of this adventure. Scientists are exploring a recent alien invasion under the orders of an obviously erroneous government (aren’t all governments erroneous?... whoops no politics!). Our heroes uncover the aforementioned plot to turn humanity into discount lunches and make a concerted effort to stop them. With extreme prejudice and bloodletting. Salvation lies in the hands of a man with brains leaking out of this newly fractured skull and the remnants of a crack team of dim witted bureaucracy to study and foil their plan.
Peter Jackson acts in, directs and produces this one. It’s the only way to get your vision made. 1987 was no different than the present I’m afraid. His effects team constructs one of the premiere, B gore bloodbaths that won’t be seen again until Dead Alive (or Brain Dead as you guys call it in the hip circles). They’ve built a giant pyramid of gore. The Picasso of gore. Beautiful, obviously fake blood combined with some of the best faux brains you’ve ever laid eyes on.

Bad Taste isn’t just a feast for the eyes or the aliens; It has some amazing one-liners to compliment the visual. I don’t wanna ruin them for you (and don’t you go IMDB’ing them neither, ya cheaters). My favorite of them all is… (spoiler alert?), “What are you dirty whores doin’ on my planet?” (whores to be pronounced as hooooooors). Classic delivery packed with humor from down under. Jackson’s famous for this stuff. How funny was Dead Alive? The depravity in Meet the Feebles overcomes leaps and bounds of mores and taboos.

The reason you like a Jackson picture is his ability to be cerebral with a fifty gallon drum of karo syrup and a lot of red food coloring. It’s intelligent criticism of the status quo and of the state surrounded by a sci fi/horror plot.
The thing I would like to point out to all you dorks out in the WWW is that one of our ill-fated characters is wearing what would appear to be one of the first on camera appearances of a Gryffindor scarf. The wearer has his brains emptied and replaced in his head several times throughout the picture. Is this the origin of the Horcrux? Somebody get Jo Rowling on the phone and confirm she’s never seen this classic piece of cinema. One of the actors is Terry Potter… coincidence? This conspiracy is going to go down like the Kennedy assassination.

I have one hope and prayer for all humanity… that everyone who claims to be “born again” truly means they’ve jumped through the head of an alien being and ended up plopping out the ass end (the hard way… down the G.I. tract/birth canal). Something tells me my prayer won’t be answered, so I’ll just enjoy Jackson’s cult classic. By the by… this is the first movie to chase my wife out of our viewing room. She was trying to read a book after catching a few minutes of visuals from Bad Taste and finding them disgusting. She settles down to read and not a moment later she gets up to leave. She says the movie is going to make her puke. Not due to the visuals mind you (she’s reading), but due to the motherfuckin’ sound effects. And this from a girl who grew up with a Grossinator as the family toy.

Now that’s a gross out and a great picture.

-Doctor Jimmy Terror, :spew:

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