LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Monday, June 6, 2011

Day 6 - 30 Day Horror Film Challenge STRIKES BACK! - Only T.C. Would Bed Angela Johnson


Day 6: Character you would want to fuck -

This is simple. Ally Burgess from Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers. I crushed on her pretty hard as an adolescent. Who am I kidding? I'm still an adolescent.

Getting undressed never looked so difficult:



Why would I want to fuck the slut from Sleepaway Camp 2? The one who gets shoved in the pit toilet with leeches and shit and piss and bees... Well first off it would probably need to be before the pit toilet sequence. Did you see her in the abandon cabin afterward with leeches all over her face looking some strange sick color? That's not my Ally. My Ally coerces a fellow camper to push her the pool while wearing nothing but a T-shirt and no bra/swim top. My Ally revenge-fucks the camp dork who's done nothing but suck up to her and try to get in her pants because she can't have the "hot" policeman's son. My Ally... she sleeps in the nude (and yes that is a black hair coming out of her left nipple). Oh and myyyy Ally, she likes to do it... IN THE BATHROOM STALL! She'll even miss scary campfire stories to do it. She'll even put on 80's hair metal and light a few candles. Now that's hot and steamy.

Party Hats at 12 o'clock:



She's full of sass and ass. She's got khaki hiker shorts. Cuffed shirt sleeves. More aqua net in her hair than was on the shelf at any one time in 1988.

Ally Burgess doesn't even have a Wikipedia page. Shock. Awe. She was Marie on that episode of Cheers...you know... that one? She was also in Intimate Obsession. I bought it on VHS. I couldn't find her in the movie despite finding her in the credits. Maybe I was looking for the hair dancing out of her left nipple, but this is outrage. Why doesn't Valerie Hartman get to star in movie after movie post 1980? Child birth? Drug OD? Born again Christendom? Jail?

I'm pretty sure the Tit Patrol caught this one:



There are posts referencing her in Cheers. Everyone asks the same question: Whatever Happened To Valerie Hartman? The answer is the same: Nobody cares (except me... in my mind I'm still twelve).

"Hey Listen, You don't have AIDS or anything?":





We'll have to put her on a milk carton for sure. Undeniably hot. Definitely on my top ten scream queen list despite her limited appearance in the genre and poor ability to scream or survive.

Check out those hand movements:



More Classic Ally Moments :sigh:



Ally even makes pit toilets sexy:



-Dr. "Horny Little" Terror... Ally makes the good Doctor a happy camper.



Oh and "Keep Your Tits Growin" - Ally Burgess.

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