Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Day 8 - 30 Day Horror Film Challenge STRIKES BACK! - Reality is So Unreal, A Visit with Chainsaw

Character you would want as your BFF –

... had to be done.

Francis "Chainsaw" Gremp... Move over Dave. We'll see you at the movies. Ever since I was a young, pre adolescent horror movie watcher I have idolized Chainsaw.
Reasons for wanting to be BFF with Chainsaw "Don't Call Him Francis" Gremp:

-High energy.

-Gets the girl (sort of).

-Has amazing latex skills (like magic missile skills or bow staff skills).

-Cool hat (I want that hat).

-Cool jacket (I want that jacket).

-Studies while wearing a latex mask.

-Takes tests while chewing on an eyeball (also latex).

-Has been attacked by bunnies at a petting zoo and lived (fake ones)

-Has transformed (with the help of Dave and his summer school class) an entire school into a murder scene just in time to freak out the straights. Classic.

Yes, yes... Dave is Chainsaw's natural BFF and in all actuality me and Danny Boy are just fine as BFF's cuddling in her dorkdom through life's cherished moments. It has been said of us that we often remind people of these two hooligans. The resemblance is uncanny, almost as if it were planned. Of course in our friendship I'm Chainsaw and he's Dave which so by saying that I'd want to be BFF with Chainsaw most likely speaks to some form of narcissism.

I can say that I modeled at least 35% of my life around Francis Gremp and that would be a low estimate. I simply adopted him as a person with a dissociative disorder might take in a new personality. He was also up for the a future 30 Day Challenge Strikes Back Category, but this seemed more fitting giving my almost pre-existing friendship with Dave in real life. Maybe I should have said Dave?

It must be bunnies!

Oh the humanity:

Check out that bad ass alarm clock:

"Can I call my folks and tell them I won't be coming home... ever?" ...Yes, Chainsaw, you can call your folks now.

-Dr. Chainsaw Terror

Parting words:

[Shoop is calling roll]

Shoop: Francis Gremp?
Chainsaw: Don't ever call me that, the name's "Chainsaw".
Shoop: As in "Black and Decker"?
Chainsaw: As in "Texas Massacre".

Oh and one other thing... Roger Ebert said that Summer School was, "listless, leisurely and unspirited". Mr. Ebert, You are a sick. spiteful man... Dovstoyevsky would be proud to write about your foul existence if death did not prevent him from doing so. Go love the MPAA some more you bastard.


  1. Now i know where that quote you wrote in my 7th grade year book comes from. It's been a pleasure being the Dave to your Chainsaw all these years, sir. i'm so full of warm fuzzies i wanna go cuddle killer bunnies right now. with chainsaws.

  2. Every Francis needs a Dave just as every Dave needs a Francis. When hunting killer bunnies... it is important to thrust your running chainsaw gracefully in their direction.