Day 25: Character you wish you could be –
Bill Hudley from House of 1000 Corpses. Yes I realize that Bill Hudley (Rainn Wilson) gets killed and turned into a mermaid man, art house piece/sculpture do-hickey. Yes, he's tortured by Otis Driftwood. But think of all the positives here!
You are Bill Hudley. You are on a kick ass sight seeing/strange roadside attraction tour across some beautiful countryside. You get the opportunity to see Captain Spaulding's Museum of the Strange and are given an intimate history of Dr. Satan (bad ass so far right).
The girls you're traveling with. Hot. They're hot. That's always good right? I mean I guess is. Moving on.
Sure, you go out in search of Dr. Satan in a rain storm and your tire gets spiked by a family of madmen, but you don't even know that their responsible yet. All you know is that you picked up a Sheri Moon Zombie on the side of the road and... again... she's hot. Now you need to drive her home where all your problems will be assuaged. Her brother can repair that tire. Cool, right?
After escorting Baby Firefly to her home she invites you in. You are given a "tastey" cup of hot cocoa. Yum. She changes into her PJ's and proceeds to hit on you. She even plays with your glasses giving the pretense of a "dress up sexicapade". Unfortunately it all ends when the rest of your companions including your girlfriend showing up, but isn't it obvious that Mother Firefly might also be a couger and ready to pounce on you (that's Karen Black, mother fucker!).
After a delightful, masked filled family dinner... you are entertained by Baby performing a classic piece out of the American Songbook by Stothart and Ruby called "I Wannna Be Loved By You". How often does anyone get this kind of entertainment/hospitality. She's a true off-Broadway show girl. What a make up job. Look at that dress! Stunning.
As you know, it all goes down hill from there, but to be Bill in those last minutes of your life is a dream come true. You get to spend your brief remaing time surrounded by Sherri Moon Zombie, Karen Black, Bill Mosely and Sid Haig. Nuff Said.