Saturday, June 18, 2011

Kill Weeds with Fire!?! Poppycock!!! - 30 Day Horror Film Challenge STRIKES BACK! Day 18

Day 18: Character you wish you could save from death –

Bill Rogers Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors. Most of you will be somewhat unfamiliar with Mr. Rogers (no, not that one). Here's a bit from our cohorts in crime, Wiki:

The second story has Bill Rogers (Alan Freeman) and his family returning from vacation to discover a fast-growing vine has installed itself in the garden. When the plant seems to respond violently to attempts to cut it down, Rogers goes to the Ministry of Defence, where he gets advice from a couple of scientists (played by Bernard Lee and Jeremy Kemp). It soon turns out that the plant has become intelligent, and harbours homicidal tendencies towards any threats to its existence.

Why don't I want Bill Rogers to die? Why do I want to Save Bill Rogers? Because god damn if he doesn't have the sweetest daughter, wife, family in the whole fucking world. Why should Bill Rogers die? Did he steal music from a voodoo ritual? Did he marry a vampire? Did his family have a centuries old feud with another family that just happened to be werewolves? Did he drive over an artist who poked fun at him during a gallery showing? No. No, he fucking didn't.

Bill Rogers went on holiday, returned from holiday and then tried to kill a nasty looking weed growing up the side of his house. I've actually done the exact thing he did. Came home from a couple days away on vacation. Realized that there was something growing up the side of the house. Took out my shovel. I don't own a hoe but the way that Bill Rogers attacks that damn plant with one and actually says the word hoe.... priceless. Annihiliation. Only to realize it was motherfucking poison ivy! Perhaps I identify a bit too closely with Rogers.

All I know is that cute dog was alive before the god damn movie started and now it's dead. Fire is the only thing every living thing is afraid of says that fucking scientist that manages to escape death (wait till plants learn what happens when you dump salt on them). Bill Rogers... you shouldn't have died. You did nothing wrong nor did you're family. We can assume they died as well. I'm investing in the Morton Salt company and we're gonna make that plant wish it never fucking germinated. ... oh... in case I didn't say it enough this blog... fuck.

Some thoughts on weed/plant holocaust -

We know this doesn't fucking work:

Clearly action figures from the Swamp Thing animated series are perfect candidate to fuck this plant back to oblivion:

This picture (unreleated to the film Dr. Terror's House of Horrors) bears strong likeness to the scene in the movie where we first encounter the unusual plant. Coincidence? Wonder how this will turn out:

This is what I use... takes too long. No ringing endorsement here for Bill Rogers. He'd be dead long before the plant would be.

Um... yea... that's all I got:

Agent Orange... hmmmm. Bet there's a good reason not to use this one.

Acme... worked for Wiley Coyote, right?... Nope.

-Dr. Terror (speaking close to home here, kiddies, I am a Doctor of Terror after all).

Every time I write about the movie Dr. Terror's House of Horros I always get the feeling that Peter Cushing is going to step out of the closet and rap me on the back of the head with his satchel. Then I'll wake up, on a train and he'll be reading me my future that ends with the Death card. This is 100% true.

Bless you, Dr. Shreck.


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