“In order to appease the gods, the Druid priests held fire rituals. Prisoners of war, criminals, the insane, animals... were... burned alive in baskets. By observing the way they died, the Druids believed they could see omens of the future. Two thousand years later, we've come no further. Samhain isn't evil spirits. It isn't goblins, ghosts or witches. It's the unconscious mind. We're all afraid of the dark inside ourselves.” – Dr. Sam Loomis – Halloween II
Stop the boat… uhhmmm… Um, queue the band:
Samhain… pronounce it! I dare you. I’ve heard so many goddamn mispronunciation of this word recently by historians and horror fans alike that I want Lewis Black to do a comedy sketch on it. Dr. Loomis talks about some of the more interesting fictionalized versions of Samhain. The whole concept gets drawn into the Michael Myers mythos and things can get a bit skewed. It’s done with the best intentions. Let’s scare America with a history they can only marginalize with candy. Well I like candy. I like Halloween. I like Samhain. Best of all, I love the movies that make people scared. And this year… for thirty one days… we’re going to scare and be scared together.
SIDE NOTE: MAKE SURE YOU READ ALL THE WAY TO THE END FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
We have a thirty one whole days together. For the next thirty one days I will be posting some new editions to this Malleus Atrocitas. Thirty one bad puns. Thirty one nostalgic diatribes. Thirty one useless habit #41’s. Thirty one days of pain – The good kind, Scout’s honor.
As a tribute to the Halloween season which starts well before October I’m going to make a concerted effort to get some new material up here that will help make the Halloween season bright. At Christmas time you send cards. At Halloween time, we watch horror movies and stab cantaloupe reenacting psycho (and we do that most days of the year besides).
I’ll give you a little prelude du terror and then we can movie on with the opening celebration of the Halloween season.
WEEK I: Terror in the Printed Word – Scary stories and tomes to read to keep your Halloween cheer all a-fright. Most of these you will have read and hopefully this will have you turning a few well-remembered pages. Some you may not have heard of and those my dear readers will be must finds. If the pages don’t smell musty, it may not be worth reading.
WEEK II: Terror by Ear – Every good haunt needs a soundtrack. Every good horror movie needs to let you know just when to scream. We’ll look at a few different works and figure out how those children of the night make such music. You’ve seen blogs like this before here, but we’ll be stretching the imagination.
WEEK III: Terror at the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horrorthon – We’ll look back at some of the best and worst moments in Exhumed Films marathon of horror history. After attending for the last two years it seems to me that this horrothon is paramount to my enjoyment of the Halloween season. Hopefully you can make a tradition for yourself some day or at least some of the movies shown. This will be a joint blog with the Blood Sprayer where we will interview Dan Fraga (one of the founding members) and recount the history of the festival. The culmination of the Blood Sprayer three part article will be the breakdown of this year’s horrorthon. Horror history in the making folks.
WEEK IV: Terror in the Toilet Bowl – Movies to Scare the Shit Out of You – I’ve seen quite a few movies in my day. I do not claim to be an expert even though I put a faux “doctor”label in front of my name and parade around like Dr. Fucking Giggles. Well, there are a few movies that tickle my ulcerated sphincter (don’t Google that at work). I’ll let you know what really creeps me out and maybe it’ll get you ready for your own horrorthon. This week will culminate with a Chiller Theatre preview and a special on how to throw a proper horror movie marathon.
And finally, HALLOWEEN!!! : We will be doing an extra special blog this day. For those of you who attend the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horrorthon, Chiller Theatre on Friday night and For those of you who want to be in on the secret, we will be handing out a surprise of sorts… Details to follow. Keep following on Facebook and Twitter to keep in the know. Some pretty fun shit folks. If you wanna see something really scary.. well, do you wann see something really scary?
So that’s the run down. I’ll be trying to update you if there are any special writing appearances elsewhere. There are a few scheduled stops along the way at the Blood Sprayer, The Moon is Dead Halloween Fifteen, The Killer Film Festival in early November and other special writing appearances. Maybe they’ll even get me to do a friggin’ podcast… then you can see what Stage Fright really looks like. HINT: It’s not just a movie.
Breakout your Silver Shamrock masks (Conal Cochran will be most pleased).
-Dr. Jack O’ Terror
IMPORTANT: READERS OF THE TRAVELING TERROR-VERSE... UH HMMM... I mean people who come around here and stand in the corner waiting for Suzy B. Good to ask you if you wanna dance with her to "Love Hurts" by Nazareth. I need you to do my a favor and send a self addressed stamped envelope to the following address courtesy of Dr. James P. Terror.
213 Seymour Rd.
Hackettstown, NJ 07840
Why would you do such a thing? Because I need to send you a free pair of 3-D glasses. Cardboard Anaglyph Glasses. Cyan and Red. You'll know why you need them when the time is right. If you have them at home. Get ready for something new... for me. If you own a pair they should work just fine (when the time is right... bwahahaha). If you own the blue and red one's or even the magenta and cyan they should work just fine. Get your requests in early because the holiday is coming quickly (like me... um... INAPPROPRIATE!).
Also feel free to email me at email@example.com. Maybe you need a pair but don't have the postage? A friend of horror is a friend of mine.