Friday, October 28, 2011

Movies to Scare The Sh!t Out of You: THE GATE - You Mean You Guys Were Serious About That Demon Stuff?

Estes 2157 Saturn V Flying Model Rocket Kit… 1/100th Scale Model. Limited Edition. Flies on Estes D12-3 Engine. OVER 3 FEET TALL! $56.24 and it qualifies for Super Saver Shipping on Amazon.

What a bargain right? No? You think it’s not a bargain? Oh, you have no need to build a replica Saturn V Flying Model Rocket. I understand completely because I have no need to build a model rocket of this caliber either. This thing is for serious, experienced collectors only. People who know how to launch a rocket right up into space. Or maybe directly into a demon from fucking Hell.

I don’t believe that the Saturn V is the edition that Stephen Dorff uses to destroy the gargantuan mama demon in the movie the Gate. I really haven’t looked into it more than the rather generic, sci fi title given to Glen’s implement of destruction, but I firmly believe that a well armed populace is the only thing that stands between holy war and civilization as we know it. In honor of Glen’s illustrious achievement in slaying a demon from hell (or multiples there of) first we will post a little collection of weapons that could easily have been used in the killing of said demon. These are some fantastic rockets that are available for purchase on Amazon at this very moment. Also, we have some of the accessories/launch materials. Stay tuned after the “montage of missiles” to enjoy a brief discussion of why this film scares the ever loving shit out of me (thus the title of the blog series).

Now that we’ve got the Freudian cock monster portion of the evening out of the way, let’s get down to the real frightful stuff. Monster design is key in this film. Harryhausen esque claymation style minions that look almost rodent like, but with this “I’m damned, I have eyes that squint damnation” look on every single one of their faces. They’re so damn life like. They have some genuine human emotions about them. Maybe not human precisely, but animal. Sure, there are times where they are slightly unbelievable (that’s a big slightly) but most of the time we are looking at very realistic little buggers. Best of all… they’re people in suits shot with forced perspective. Did this film deserve an Oscar for the effects work? If you say, “no”, you are incorrect. The mama/daddy demon at the end of the film is a more stoic versions of the miniature demon henchman that plague Glen, his family and friends throughout the picture. If you aren’t scared of these guys after you watch the film I demand you comment below: “Dr. Terror is a Giant Pussy!” I won’t take offense, but you will have revealed yourself as a wolf in nerd’s clothing.

Beyond the amazing effects there are just these little heart strings pulls that will make you feel sympathy for Glen. His dog dies and is discovered dead while his best friend dances with the dog who he believes is his deceased mother… who comes up with that? It’s vicious. Sorry kid, your dog is dead. Sorry kid, your mom is dead. Both of you… get ready for therapy in about twenty years. The movie just tackles the essence of being a kid. Can’t do anything you really should be able to (because you’ve done those things already when they told you not to and you’re alive). You get punished for doing the “cool” thing. Sleepovers. Satanic Heavy Metal. It’s what being a kid is all about.

Speaking of Heavy Metal, I’m not sure which faux film band I enjoy more: Sacrifyx from The Gate or Blood Sausage from the Amazing Stories: Go To the Head of the Class Episode. The back masking evil incantation is a terrible thing to waste. Now being a fan of 80’s metal definitely doesn’t hurt your chances of loving this film or any horror film made the 80’s. As we all know, the music marketing machine tried to pump some serious talent into our favorite slasher flicks. I’m sure we’ll do a blog about that some day. Most bloggers love to tackle that and since music a real passion of mine, we’ll get around to it. Here’s a little dream I’ll share with you… since I’m pretty sure it ain’t happening in my life time. I always wanted to take my former band, the Vaudeville Vampires, and cover some choice 80’s heavy metal music, specifically horror movie related. This may happen still someday, but the one project I thought most challenging and worth our while was to form the fake band, Sacrifyx, for real on stage. Costume it up. Release a fake CD/cassette tape. Total camp/ham stuff. Any interested readers in the New Jersey area feel free to drop me a line.

Terry Rocks My Bloody Socks!:


Here’s the song listing per IMDB:

Song and video by Eva Everything
Courtesy of Great Shakes Productions

By Vince Carlucci and Sandy MacFayden

By Vince Carlucci
Courtesy of Secret Songs Publications

By Carl Tafel
Performed by Terraced Garden
Courtesy of Melody & Menace Records

By Julia Bourque
Performed by True Confessions
Courtesy of Bomb Records

By Julia Bourque
Performed by True Confessions
Courtesy of Bomb Records

Note before we leave this topic: The logo on the back of Terry’s jacket is for the band The Killer Dwarfs out of Canada. We love Canada. Here are the Killer Dwarfs:

This movie is a hodge podge of good, wholesome 80’s acting, solid effects and animation combined with “the kitchen sink” as in everything but the. It seems to wander from scary demon to corpse to Satan’s majesty to Witchboard (yes, Witchboard).

Before we go, the scene that scares me the most… When Al is staring into the mirror and sees the rotted corpse ghost of the dead workman. Just thinking about it might keep my pupils dilated for the evening.

-Dr. Jimmy

Given all the talk about the band Sacrifyx you may want to consider getting your very own T-shirt from the infamous band that clearly doesn’t exist but is the inspiration for at least one nightmare in my memory.

Mondo Tees - SACRIFYX!!!

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