DON’T… Miss These Movies: To 1964 and Before!!!

Welcome to a new compendium of movie reviews for your perusal entitled “DON’T… Miss These Movies”. Why do we call it that? A. We really do not want you to miss these films. B. We (the royal we) are big fans of the Edgar Wright faux trailer for the never to be released movie DON’T. Please plant your tongue firmly in cheek and make fun of me, but make sure to do it only on the most public of social networking forums imaginable… it’s good press. These movies may not as of yet warrant full length blog for them however we wanted to do a little write up to support some movie that are clearly worth your time. And now to the commentary.

The Snorkel



This is Hammer Studios at their finest. Taking the truly unscary and making it… well, scary. The Snorkel does not feature the next Freddy Kruger mega-slasher, but it clearly demonstrates the ingenuity of this contributor to classic horror cinema.
Is the Snorkel a cheap way to produce a picture and make a buck? Sure. The killer uses suffocating gas instead of a machete. This early slasher’s mask is a snorkel that the killer uses to protect himself from the fumes. The snorkel, diving suit is actually a pretty impressive scare tactic and effective. No blood. No gore. No decay. Hammer made itself famous on Dracula and Frankenstein for two reasons: Color photography of ultra red blood and busty scream queens that turned out to captivate audiences and leave men drooling and intrigued. This movie has neither.



I saw this picture based on the recommendation by a Bloody-Disgusting entry on the “Top 10 Scary Movies You’ve Never seen”. I won’t say it’s the scariest picture I’ve ever seen; it reaches for its narrative and grabs for scares throughout most of the picture, but the ending is well worth the wait. It’s like any decent Hammer picture; you see the twist coming, but you don’t know how far it will turn. The Snorkel has nothing on the underwater ghost from Scooby Doo, but it definitely beats out the appearance of Don Knotts.

Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein



The humor is a bit dated for any audience used to even the mildest of horror comedy entries thoughout the last thirty years. Think of how far we’ve come since these two chaps meet up with Frankie. Any number of horror hosts cracking punny jokes. Student Bodies. Scary Movie 1-5000. Saturday the 14th. Shaun of the Dead.

You may laugh at the slapstick if you’re a fan of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, but the reason to watch it is because it’s an early example of the studios realizing that horror and comedy are yin and yang. They balance each other quite well and keep audiences in the seat. The monster costumes can still give you a good fright if you’re scared by Frankenstein, Dracula or the Wolfman and that’s probably a big “if” given what even cartoons do today.



Some of the jokes will still get you even though they are over 60 years old, and you’ve probably heard them before out of context. Classic actors in their Universal Monster garb don’t hurt either. Another entry into the Fangoria Top 300 from Issue 300 and excellent viewing for the historical horror movie fan or for family movie night around Halloween.

The Gorgon



Our second Hammer picture in tonight’s DON’T series is another sleeper of sorts. It’ll keep you calmly entertained for about 78% of the film. It’ll make you long for the days of three color Technicolor and for horror movies founded on Greek mythology. The music is definitely strange and noteworthy as well.

This is pre-Hammer self-cannibalization which means it’s not another Dracula, Frankenstein, Mummy picture combined with a prefix. The Gorgon has some original effects with an ending that’ll make you clap at the screen. It’s no Harryhausen, but this is twenty years Clash of the Titans’ senior. I’m not sure if Harryhausen was influenced by this picture but I’d like to think somewhere in the back of his subconscious he was recalling his youth in the movie theatre.



And in the event that you don’t find this one quite up to your speed make sure to listen to this offering “The Gorgon” Live by Angel Witch:



Cushing. Lee. Shelley. It’s got the classic Hammer folks. Not for the true mythology geek either as it veers clear away from classical stories from the Mediterranean.

Bad Seed



I wanna leave you with this picture because I find it truly creepy. Basic idea is a murderous daughter will get her way by whatever means necessary under the watchful eye of her protective mother. It’s a tale for the ages and probably one with some valid morale fiber that we should all be eating. If horror movies truly are the modern day equivalent of Aesop’s Fables, Grimm’s Fairy Tales and Old Peter Fairy Tales than this movie’s mark is clear and it’s right up there with the tale of so many sour grapes.

There some fantastic actors and actresses who present this film as if it were a play in three acts. Patty McCormack puts on a n impressive performance for a childhood actress. Creepy. Seductive and conniving in only that way that children know how to be to get their way. The cast even takes their bows at the end as if it were a play.



Make sure to stay for the entire credit sequence. There’s a surprise at the end and makes one wonder if this is the movie that inspired the mid/post credit surprise that has lead to so many film fan boys sitting through the entirety of the credits waiting for the final kill or plot twist or sequel indicator. Worth nothing is that Eli Roth was set to remake this puppy so if that happens at least you’ll be able to site whether his remake or the remake of Village of the Damned is more caustic to loyal fans of the original. Wonder how Eli Roth, a splat pack member, will gore up the Bad Seed. Maybe he’ll put a Lolita spin on it to really offend.

In Memoriam:

The newest film listed above is from is from 1964, so we might be reaching back a little out of your comfort zone. I know quite a few genre fans have a favorite era and a limit to just how far back they’re willing to reach for a scare or novel movie in terms of decades. Some stop at 70’s slasher flicks. Others go back to Hammer and then stop saying the Universal era movies are unrealistic or simply too fantastic to enjoy (not to mention their strange sense of humor present in most 30’s and 40’s horror pictures). Others don’t get out of modern day gore splashers. The films above are more subtle offerings that pack a punch and appeal to the very basic horror lover in all of us. Given the chance, they might even spook you if you can let yourself take time to smell the formaldehyde. Most of these pictures are good for the kiddies too… no gore or blood or boobs or cursing. Just some ideas that might keep them up at night or maybe ideas that will keep you up at night thinking about what they might be thinking of doing to you.
-Dr. Terror

Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 Soundtrack: “Lick My Plate, You Dog Dick!”

Houston, Texas: Young James Terror looking ever so Jerry Garcia walks into a record store off Monstrose on some afternoon in the middle of the week. There are two records he would like to purchase. The super cool surf rock monster comp vinyl circa 1960-something which resides on the wall… and sitting right beside it The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. Not on CD (find a real version of this… I dare ya!). Not on cassette tape. Not on 8 track (boo). On stark raving vinyl! Actual record store. Actual TCM2 vinyl on the wall for $5. Five American Dollars. I had enough change left over to hop over to the corner of Westheimer and Montrose to get me some chicken flautas and a to-go margarita. Make that a super sized margarita to-go.



Dr. Jimmy moved to Texas at one point looking for answers and found them in the form of a small, used vinyl collection played on a shitty kid’s record player. Ounces of bourbon and gallons of Shiner Bock later he’d dream of the starting a death rock band once again in the fourth largest city in these here United States. I’m afraid it didn’t happen. I was just a bit anti-social (still am) and I got myself good and homesick. Get on a plane back to Jersey, but I’d take this little gem with me. I had to go to Texas to hear chainsaw massacre.



The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 is one of the Doctor’s all time favorites. I’ve watched the motherfucker on repeat when VCR’s had a repeat function which incidentally was also good for watching puerno (that’s Spanish for PORNO… not). Dennis Hopper. Bill Moseley. Tobe Hooper. Jim Seidow. Caroline Williams. Gore provided by Mr. Tom fucking Savini. Radio DJ “Stretch” (Caroline Williams) takes a number of crank calls hosting a Texas radio program. When an incessant caller stays on the line for a bit too long (and through the powerful use of car phones) she captures their grizzly murder on tape. She replays it over the airwaves trying to get any clues as to what actually happened to her prankster callers. Enter Leatherface, Chop Top and… the Saw (which is family by the by). Stretch finds herself kidnapped and in need of some serious rescuing by none other than Dennis Hopper as Lefty, RIP. Gore. Blood. Chili ensues.

Now it’s your turn. First, set the mood. Get yourself some taco cart Tex-Mex from that guy around the corner that yourfriend went to last week and ended up on the toilet for 36 hours. Find yourself some Cuervo and shoot a couple back chased with either PBR or Shiner or St. Arnold if you’re feeling fancy (that’s Houston beer folks). Now sweat. Sweat like there’s a sauna in front of your computer. Turn off the AC. Do some push ups and then get yourself good and drippy. Drip for me! Good. Now talk like Tommy Lee Jones in Natural Born Killers. Do it while looking in the mirror to get the facial expressions right. Get out your phonograph… or just follow the links below like a bouncing ball. It’s chili time! Make sure to drip at least a spoonful on your wife beater.

Main Title Track (not on the soundtrack):





The Lords of the New Church “Good to Be Bad”



Since I wasn’t able to find you “Good to Be Bad” anywhere on the net and I’m short a Hi Fi system with internet connectivity as of late I offer you this gem. This is what you’ve been waiting for. It’s probably one step off of Jame Gumb’s playlist.

If you feel that I’ve slighted you here are the lyrics straight from the worldwide web. Be careful. Do not get these stuck your head.


It's a dog eat dog world
Where there just ain't enough damn dogs
That's why the weak and the wounded
Get by eating them all
As the city does business with the son of a faith healing tongue
All you saints and you sinners, kiss my ring
It's good to be bad, good to be bad
Good to be bad, good to be bad
Let's play chicken
Riding the reaper's ruin
Dealine live in desserts
Get things lusting for your soul
Mad dog law
Has the boogieman followed you?
I'm a psychedelic misfit as pure now as a baby's skin oh yeah
I love it like the dead
It's good to be bad, good to be bad
It's good to be bad, good to be bad
Good because you choose to be sad
Please don't cry baby
Good things go bad for ya here
I'll lick the sins from your body
I'll suck your soul
I'm a psychedelic misfit, a sexual deviant
And I want more
Well, it's good to be bad, good to be good
It's good to be bad, good to be bad
Yeah, it's good to be bad yeah, bad to be good
It's good to be bad, good to be bad
Good to be bad
Good to be bad
Good to be bad
Good to be bad

The Cramps “Goo Goo Muck”



This is my second time writing up a soundtrack and this is the second time the influential, super surf, super sick Cramps make it down to horror town. I suppose that it’s only fitting since they’re a death rock band, but what other death rock band can boast that it was on both the Return of the Living Dead and TCM2 soundtracks? … Enter the Elevator (below).



Also find this little ditty on the Bad Music for Bad People album.

Roky Erickson ‘Crazy Crazy Mama” (not on the vinyl)



Ya, I know what I said… it’s on the soundtrack right? Nope. It’s in the movie, but it’s not on the vinyl so I guess the Cramps do have the only distinction of being on both the ROTLD and the TCM2 soundtracks. Still nice to see ol’ Roky make an appearance. He’s just as much horror royalty as the Cramps and probably dropped more acid than it took to write all the Cramps albums combined. Somebody get me a hair sample from the grave of Lux Interior.



Concrete Blonde “Haunted Head”



With a name like Dream 6 only Michael Stipe could suggest Concrete Blonde as the new name of an alt rock band straight out the 80’s. Punk sensibilities in tact. Michael Stipe recommends this for head shaving and chili making. More meat please. Head cheese on a stick anyone?



Timbuk3 “Life is Hard”



The band that brought you “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades” that appears on the My Best Friend’s a Vampire OST brings you this little gem . Get your chainsaws oiled and ready. Things you may not have known about Timbuk3 but you could easily find out if you searched the web: A. They are from Wisconsin. B. They are on IRS records as is every band on this soundtrack because IRS put the fucking soundtrack out. C. It’s a husband a wife team. D. They also appear in the movie DOA.

Now that I mentioned it, it’s stuck in your head. Go enjoy this one before you finish this blog, preferably just before you are to be in tight quarters with the elderly. They love Timbuk3 and nerd rock in general.



Bet these guys toured with Devo or at least played with them a couple times. Now for their TCM2 contribution (with lyrical subtitles):



Just remember, “Life is hard, can’t find happiness no matter what you do”. You heard it here first via Timbuk3.


Torch Song “White Night”



Perhaps one of my favorite songs from a band I’m positive I have never heard a single track from other than from the TCM2 soundtrack. I make no promises. You’ll enjoy the opening riff. You may start to dance and require leg warmers for the remainder of this flashback. Again… I make no promises and leg warmers may help you to drip with sweat better emulating Texas year round.



Steward Copeland “Strange Things Happen”



Say Hello to the drummer from the Police. He’s a soundtrack contributor extraordinaire. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t expect this track from a movie with the word “chainsaw” in the title, but I assure you it’s in the movie; it’s on the album. He’s worked with everyone. He played with Sting. The motherfucker scored Rumble Fish and earned himself an award nomination. Tama Drums. Paiste Cymbals and Remo Heads. Vater Sticks. Rock.



Patrick Cowley “Mind Warp”



Straight outta 1982 it’s Patrick Cowley with this post disco era entry into what you can do with a synthesizer if you drink enough Mountain Dew and pee in the bottles and recycle them. Rinse. Repeat. I want you to pay extremely close attention to the video below. It contains priceless images of what life is like on another planet called 1982. Horror Hound better do an issue dedicated to this year. I’m stuck in 1981 and I think I’ve done at least a Quaker Oats container’s worth of cocaine already.



Oingo Boingo “No One Lives Forever”



How do you know who Oingo Boingo is? Do you know Danny Elfman? Do you know his brother Richard? Did you watch Forbidden Zone? Did you like it? Did you watch Weird Science? Did you like that? Did you like the theme music? Then you like Oingo Boingo. Good. We’re all on the same page and that didn’t take but a minute. Typically you mention Oingo and people look at you as though you made a racist remark. We’re capping off this musical endeavor down the synapse highway with this one because there’s such an immense body of work to pull from. I’ll give you just three. Three will be all you need to hear to understand why I play this on my way to work in the morning and almost get pulled over 8 out of 10 times. Hit play now!

I always say this… how are people so bloody creative? This is the classic Disney Halloween Treat with a bit o’ the Boing added in for good measure. Hilarious and kinda creepy. Chop Top would be proud.



Hot and creepy… like 85% of our favorite movies. Danny Elfman looks like a kid who’s had way too many Smarties:



Straight outta MTV. Also features in the movie Back to School where Oingo Boingo make an appearance that shows up in this classic 80’s video.:



Ok… I know I said three cuts… This is mandatory listening material. There’s more than just the music video for Weird Science here.. there’s true news time machine to 1985 (we call it YouTube):



To finish this little ode to Texas culture off I give you two things:

1. Stretch and Leatherface share a moment when Leatherface runs his chainsaw up Stretch’s leg presumably with phallic intent. This happens to be one of the sexiest god damn scenes in horror movie history. Maybe only second to Valerie Hartman as Ally humping that geeky kid’s brains out right before she finds herself up to her eyeballs in a pit toilet ala Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers. By sexy I mean sleazy/trashy. Same difference.

2. Nam-land. Napalm. Fire in the Hole!

-Dr. Jimmy asks you to be kind rewind.

Oh… one last thing… “Goodnight… tee heee… what about my request?”… “What was that anyway.. the Rambo 3 soundtrack?”


SECRET: Go HERE and to get a true vinyl rip of this goody bag of classic horror soundtrack deluge if you can figure out some tricks of the trade.

WARNING: VINYL RIPS MAY IMPAIR YOUR ABILITY TO HEAR CLEARLY. POPS AND SIZZLES ARE A NORMAL PART OF YOUR EXPERIENCE. YOUR HEAD IS NOT CRACKING LIKE AN EASTER EGG.

Film Review: Cropsey or Why I Avoid Staten Island and It's Not Because of the Traffic or Monster-Sized Land Fill

I spend a fair amount of my free time in a very uncomfortable retro plastic chair watching movies, social networking and, as of late, hearing about this documentary by the name of Cropsey. I can safely say that I had no idea what this film was about. It had an amazing one sheet. I was debating trying to find a screening nearest me. I was truly excited to see it solely based on reviews on any number of horror news sites I frequent. Bad ass one sheet plus fans reviewing the ever loving shit out of it plus semi-obscurity equals Dr. Terror interest level piqued to red line… and then the reviews faded out a bit. Then I couldn’t find it. Then I couldn’t find it in the film festival circuit. No release date given. I couldn’t even find the damn thing on the torrents which I assure you was not my first or second choice.

Months… years… ok, not years. Months pass. Horror Hound releases their 1981 edition filled with a pile of movies I hadn’t seen, need to see and if I don’t see I’m a candy ass horror fan if you’ve ever seen one and I’m quite certain you’ve seen one and he looks like me no matter how many pictures I see. The Burning gets a full spread and no matter how much press that damn movie got I just wasn’t interested. Until this past month. The Burning was a fun film. Not my favorite. Definitely glad I saw it and in the whole grand scheme of things I’m pretty glad to see any influential horror movie just to have an opinion on it. That’s what we deal in here right? Opinions.



And what should my wandering ears hear? Cropsy. The name from the god damn documentary I couldn’t find. Are they related? I have no idea. I’m just glad to remember that I was looking for that frickin’ movie so diligently that I forgot about it out of frustration. Furthermore it’s on Netflix Instant View, and I have a free night to watch it. Whoopy! Kid on Christmas coming through.

You’d like me to say it was the best damn documentary I’d seen in ages right? That it was worth my mental anguish. That I was satiated. I was not satiated, but I enjoyed myself. I’m not sure if it was built up to much in my dork brain. The first thing you need to know if you’re as dimwitted as the good Doctor here is that there are in fact two different Cropsey’s on this planet. There’s the one The Burning and one in the documentary; difference being that the Cropsey in the documentary has the letter “e” attached before the “y” in the name. One is a serial killer who’s weapon of choice is garden sheers. The other is an unproven serial murderer who’s weapon of choice is unknown and is based in reality. Now that you know that Cropsey is not Cropsy, you can give yourself a break and try to watch the either film exclusively. From what you can gather the Burning’s use of the name and origin come from the myth of Crops(e)y but skew into a tangent far more outlandish than that of reality… ya know like what happens in Back to the Future part 2.



Back to the documentary (post cognitive flux into what we here in the biz like to call, loony land), Cropsey is the tale of a missing children in Staten Island, NY and the fate that potential has befallen them. While no murders have been fully proven there seems to be a dead on balls accurate suspect who’s been in and out of jail over the whole mess for quite some time. Some very convincing interviews, some recanting of the local legend of Cropsey, a court case and kids being killed; you’ve got yourself a documentary folks.

This picture views like an exceptionally long episode of Unsolved Mysteries. I don’t say that to be derogative at all. I love Unsolved Mysteries. It’s just got that same dramatic flair and quick to jump at the obvious or juicy conclusion. It’s fun for that reason. If it gets you thinking and researching than the director made a successful documentary. I’d say you’ve got that in Cropsey. It’s not 100% accurate, but for fuck’s sake directors are allowed to have opinions and draw their own conclusions too.



The one thing I’d love to let ya’ll know about the crazy little setting… Staten fucking Island. This movie opens up with things like:

“Staten Island is the perfect setting for murder.”
“Staten Island is haunted.”
“Staten Island is where the mob buried their bodies.”
“Staten Island is where the boogeyman vacations.”…

WELCOME TO MOTHERFUCKIN’ NEW JERSEY!!! Soooooo… No one is as spooky as Staten Island? Let me ask you… is there a magazine called Weird Staten Island? Does Staten Island have Midgetville and Annie’s Road, Shades of Death Road, Ghost Lake, Colby Mansion (God rest it’s soul), Blairsden… the list goes on and on. Yeah… the mob buried their bodies here too. We got Jimmy fuckin’ Hoffa somewhere! At least we think we do. The world may never know. What does all this mean? Nothing. I just kept thinking this little rant in my head while all those locals were talking up the Hellfire and Brimstone of that little garbage island…. Breath doc, Breath.



I’ve got two words for the Cropsey documentary makers… Hooker Man. Get on that! The Truth is out there :enter exceptionally spacey, ambient synth riffs: Long Valley, New Jersey needs you as much as Staten Island could ever need you.



In all seriousness I’m sure Staten Island is a pretty creepy place. The layout seems to have a magic tunnel, wooded green in the smack dead center of the place for bad guys to skirt around in and enough scum to fill your cesspool. Cropsey is a quality documentary. Cropsey is a fun story to tell your friends about. It reads like one big cautionary tale sayin’, “we live in different times and you can’t just let your children wander around anymore”. I was half way out the door after watching it. I wanted to play Nancy Drew and solve this fucker. My Sherlock Holmes’ days are on hold for now, but take care of yourselves and each other… deep, Jerry.

-Dr. Terror

I must learn to control my random bouts of Jersey pride. They keep appearing at the most random moments. I'll just stick to our untained beachcommunities and diner culture from now on.

Fangoria Retrospective of Fear: It Takes All Kinds of Critters to Make Farmer Vincent's Fritters

Well horror fans… it’s time for another episode of a little blog we like to call Fangoria Retrospective of Fear. For this week’s entry I want all to know that I have eaten two different kinds of meat stick, one being the delightful pepper stick from Cabela and the other a Jack’s Link standard issue beef stick. I thoroughly enjoyed both of them even though I am quite certain they were made with preservatives. I’m fairly certain neither meat stick was made of organically grown humans planted in the ground and then harvested via tractor, hacked to pieces with a chainsaw and smoked. I’m even more certain that Rory Calhoun was not the preparer of the meats (he is dead, more likely the beef stick than the beef stick maker). Farmer Vincent would unleash his unholy secret, “I used preservatives” onto the world in Motel Hell and issue #9 of Fangoria features his delightful visage plus chainsaw and pig head mask on its cover. This had to be a bold move for the early 80’s. Blood on a chainsaw on the cover of a magazine… pushing boundaries. Setting the bar just a little higher and truly capturing an audience. The cover promises The Howling previewed including the chance to win a Howling T-shirt, He Knows You’re Alone, Terror Train and … Conan?



Let’s get down to the guts of issue #9…

Nice opening statement from the publisher, Kerry O’Quinn about that guy in every bunch. The guy who’s afraid to be scared and who will avoid all things horror at all costs. Her friend, Martin, leaves the room whenever she brings in a copy of Fangoria. If he could only see what’s to come out of this mag he’d avoid Kerry altogether. The Postal Zone is filled with people each month commenting on the amount of gore in the magazine. Tone it down? (They have yet to turn it up!) Fans were even requesting the “Fantastic Art” feature be reinstated after it was abandoned. There’s a reason this magazine become famous and beloved by horror fans and not fantasy dorks. Apparently these letter writers couldn’t handle the Friday the 13th spread, the Maniac spread, but thank fuck some reader finally made comment about the overabundance of Sci Fi themes in these early issues and told them to leave those to their Sci Fi mags. Star Wars may be amazing, but truly has a limited place in Fango. Now for the juicy stuff.



As the cover boasts, Motel Hell: Beauty and the Beast … with chainsaws! And inside, “From the produces of Time After Time (?)… From the writer of Demon Seed (computer rape!)… From the director of Arabian Adventure (one of the worst films with some of the best magic carpets in the last… forever!!!)… something a little different…” I thought I used elipses a lot. Jesus Christ, how did Motel Hell ever get made? The people behind it must have looked into the future and stole it from a worthy group of creators. You know the outcome of their $3,000,000 effort is a fantastic horror comedy, one of my favorites. According to Fango it exceeds the budget for Halloween, Friday the 13th, Phantasm and Dawn of the Dead. Seeing as its gross revenue is listed at $6.3 million I think they made out alright. It came straight out of the minds of writers consciously trying to test the boundaries of good taste and what had been done. Axe-ploitation they call it in the article. I’d say this is your 1980 equivalent of torture porn from the sound of the write up and audience response.



Onto the Howling and a very young picture of the magnificent Joe Dante. The article details on the struggle of Dante transitioning a somewhat unbelievable but well selling novel into a believe script. The famed character names based on various directors. Dante had to play with modern and traditional werewolf myth to fit the timeline for his film and that meant revising the werewolf canon. Werewolves don’t need a full moon after Dante gets through with them. I’d go a step further and say we see some werewolf transitions in the daylight hours in this picture. That seems to break with tradition too doesn’t it? One thing that breaks with horror movie tradition is the special effects. These werewolves look angular with pointy ears and larger than wolfman proportion builds. These aren’t your grandma’s werewolves. Kudos to Rob Bottin for taking on this job and blowing away Rick Baker’s American Werewolf in London’s werewolves (in my humble opinion and I never use the word “kudos”).

The only note I wish to make on the Conan “progress report” is that it is exactly two column widths wide with a giant picture of a sword in a pile of skulls. The caption reads, “Yes, Virginia, there will be a Conan movie…” I find that you have two short columns of data and then an immediate jump to the end of the mag truly captures just how little everyone is concerned with Conan. The rest of the article is buried deep in the heart of the magazine where you’ll find Arnold Schwarznegger’s chance at running for president of the U.S. post-affair.



This is immediately followed by the recollections of Alex Gordon, the American International Pictures producer responsible for Bride of the Monster, Voodoo Woman, She-Creature and Day the World Ended. He discuss old Hollywood, the transition into 50’s picture making and his relationship with Bela Lugosi. He mentions that he wanted to make a bio picture of Lugosi’s life he he could get the write budgeting and mentions that one of American’s earliest efforts was to take footage from Vampire over London and use it in a new picture called King Robot. This never actually gets off the ground, but King Robot would make a great band name (and somebody’s already using it, bummer). His commentary on the British film rating system of the 1930’s lets you know that some things never change. We have the MPAA and they had the British Council.



You can’t escape the name Jamie Lee Curtis in early 80’s horror. You just can’t. Why would you want to? This issue we talk about Terror Train. So we’ve got Halloween, Prom Night, the Fog, Terror Train… I’d pretty much have stopped acting right there knowing that I had been in some of the best horror pictures to ever see the screen (and that would be if I could see into the future and understand quite fully the impact these pictures would have on cinema as we know it). Fango gives us a nice history of the use of trains in horror citing Curse of the Demon (Night of the Demon!) and then the Rocky Horror lyric dedicated to the scene in Curse of the Demon and the Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors and finally Horror Express. I think the best part of this article is the mini-interview with Jamie Lee where she mentions that they were discussing doing Halloween II in 3-D. Wouldn’t that have been something? Freddy’s got a 3-D movie (or at least a 3-D sequence in a movie). Jason’s got a 3-D movie. Michael Myers should get one too! Weinstein Company… this Fangoria Retrospective of Fear gives you the mandate. She also mentions she saw Death Ship and she had to put her jacket over her head. That movie was terrible. George Kennedy isn’t scary and neither is a giant tanker ship. Jamie Lee Curtis is a pussy? I’d never believe it.

The next article is on the Elephant Man. Why is it that everyone associates David Lynch with horror. I love Eraserhead. Not a horror movie. I love the Elephant Man… not a horror movie (even the caption to the article says it). I love Twin Peaks… that’s not a horror movie either. Neither is Blue Velvet. Lost Highway… nope! David Lynch creates such disturbing images that you can help but associate him with horror pictures. If you haven’t caught this movie, go get your butterfly net.
Next up we have a full feature on He Knows You’re Alone which really goes more into the back story of its director, Armand Mastroianni who incidentally seems to be somehow associated with more Hollywood royalty than any other one hit wonder in horror history. Coppola, Preminger? This guy mostly made TV dramas, but he makes one horror movie that everyone thinks is the bees knees and knows everyone who’s anyone. Reading this article I kept saying, “who cares how this guy knows… he’s barely done anything.”



The next writer/director/producer retrospective/interview is definitely noteworthy. Leslie Stevens, the man who brought you the Outer Limits or as he makes us aware, the show was originally to be called Please Stand By and he liked it that way. Like the Zone, Outer Limits had some amazing source material to work from challenging social norms but with more of an edge and clearly more of an effects comprehension and budget. Stevens got to work with Orson Welles during his tenor at the Mercury Theatre as an errand boy. He found the best special effects talent. The best cinematographers. Leslie Stevens did one heck of a job on the horizontal… and the vertical too!

As many of us celebrate the centennial anniversary of Vincent Price’s birth, we have been posting articles, writing retrospectives, dedicating whole beautiful magazine entries to his memory… Here we have an article on the making of House of Wax, a pivotal role in the career of Mr. Price. The article itself is an interview with the man responsible for making the film, Andre De Toth. His recollections of Price: “Vincent Price is a very talented actor and a gentleman, not necessarily in order of importance. Nothing falls in place easily with him”. So there’s that. Another powerful observation, “3-D should not be a freak show. Wisely used, it can add to the reality of the story, the scene, the ambiance – can put the audience in the situation, not only viewing it.” Somebody wanna send that certified mail to any Hollywood producer who thinks he’s ready to tackle a 3-D picture?
B-Movie Paul Blaisdell gets part two of an article on this B-movie monster maker and actor of the 50’s. Movies of note here are IT!, Voodoo Woman, Colossal Man, Invasion of the Saucermen, She-Creature, The Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow, Monster from Green Hell and Not of this Earth.

Follow that with an article on the Marvel comic turn Saturday Morning Cartoon Thundarr The Barbarian. I will have you know that I watched this cartoon for the short spell that it was on. It was on reruns at that point, but I gotta say I loved every second of it. I’m not filled with the same sense of nostalgia about this particular one because I never owned any Thundarr toys. Pity. I may have to reinvestigate this cartoon. On a slightly different note… Beast Master, Conan, Thundarr… whats the obsession with the barbarian, Viking-esque warriors in the early 80’s and why did Fangoria love to feature them?

Quick Notes: Creepshow was also considered for the old three dimension treatment as well as a Sean Cunningham sequel from Friday the 13th (just maybe not the second one right?... we know better now). As for the aforementioned T-Shirt contest… find the werewolf fang picture… It’s at the end of one of the articles. That’s all I’m saying. I would love to get my hands on one of these shirts. There’s a blip (literally a blip) on the release of the movie Mother’s Day.

Next Issue we will offer you a bright, sunshiney retrospective on Funhouse, Texas Chainsaw, Eaten Alive, Salem’s Lot, Scanners, Altered States, Dead and Buried, Alien… all in the December 80 issue of Fango.

The retro of yester year is the classic of our age. Reading some of these old mags has taught me that in twenty years, someone is going to be examining Insidious in just the same way as I look at Candy Man which is the same way that the Fango folks looked at House of Wax and the 50’s B-Movie invasion. The interviews I read today on obscure authors or directors will seems that much more obscure in twenty to thirty years unless they make something huge and almost horror epic. Something to make the next generation care just a little. Also, Count Fangor… they have a Count Fangor Mask and a comic strip. Count Fangor is the mascot of Fangoria in 1980. How long this lasts will be curious. Maybe our current horror entertainment mags need mascots and accompanying masks?



-Dr. Terror… think I’ll go listen to Bark at the Moon by Ozzy Osbourne and tip my glass to Joe Dante. I already paid a fitting ode to the Motel Hell folks.

The Soundtrack of our Death: Return of the Living Dead

I recently had the absolute pleasure of watching Return of the Living Dead at the Hudson Horror Show III in glowing 35mm. You think you like Blu Ray. You think you like DVD. You think you like AVI’s. I think you need to see a 35mm print of one of your favorite films. There’s no added content and sometimes the quality of the print can make you woozy with strange abnormalities, but the absolute nostalgia of watching a film in its originally displayed medium is inspiring. Thus we have our little entry into Dr. T’s world today.


Let’s talk about one of the best horror film soundtracks of our time. I’m not talking about original score. Elfman, Simonetti, Mothersbaugh, Herman and the crew have that nailed. They are brilliant artists, but let us not forget the power of a truly punk rock, new wave infused accompaniment to make a movie that is filled with tongue in cheek humor to be escalated to cult proportions. Is the soundtrack to Return of the Living Dead solely responsible for its cult stardom? Not on your life (or undeath as the case may be). Without it, horror fans miss a number of slightly off kilter numbers that have cemented the legacy of the underground horror punk genre only second to the Misfits, Bobby “Boris” Pickett, Screaming Lord Sutch and the Zacherley albums. Without further delay join me in understanding a bit more about each of the contributor’s to this soundtrack as well as the opportunity to sit back and listen to each one sans Dan O’Bannon’s genius creation taking your attention away from his epic music selection.

The Cramps - “Surfin’ Dead”


Probably the most famous of a the surf horror, garage band scene, the Cramps came on board in 1976 under the watchful eye of Lux Interior and Poison Ivy, Bryan Gregory and Pam Ballam. They would go through numerous line up chancges over their thirty plus years in the biz only stopping due to the death of Lux Interior. This entry is a one of recording done specifically for our prized picture. It holds up as a throwback surf rock, jerk for zombie lovers.

ROTLD’s offering of the Cramps (you don’t need Midol for these):



Creature from the Black Leather Lagoon… clearly worth your time:



45 Grave - “Party Time (Zombie Version)”


45 Grave is a ruckus California punk rock band that had a nack for combining creepy lyrics with four chord rock. This particular entry comes off like a hair metal band offering less the CBGB’s punk of the late 70’s. Described as Deathrock, these guys certainly do rock the dead. “Party Time” is actually a slightly altered version of the 45 Grave tune thus the zed word moniker above.

Original version (but not the best quality):



A nice offering from 46… no wait… 45 Grave:



Movie version or the Zombie Version:



T.S.O.L. – “Nothin’ for You”


T.S.O.L or the True Sounds of Liberty are also a very straightforward punk band with some horror punk roots. Also hailing from California they were often referred to as the “West Coast Misfits”. Apparently these guys were buddy’s with Guns N’ Roses and were even featured in the “Sweet Child O’ Mine” video so there’s another pop culture reference in our cult line up. Alongside their appearance on the Return of the Living Dead Soundtrack they also accompanied the film Suburbia and Dangerously Close. This particular entry wants you to swing your arms in traditional 80’s dance fashion. Somebody call Carlton Banks.

From ROTLD:



From Suburbia:



The Flesh Eaters – “”Eyes Without a Face”


Members of The Flesh Eaters came from as far as Los Lobos, Wall of Voodoo, X and even Stan Ridgeway. This band could be seen as the great amalgam of low key 80’s new wave artists that we’ve come to know and love and so many “I Love the 80’s” compilations. Their dark sound is more straight forward punk based then horror punk. They’re anything but a re-visitation of 80’s new wave. “They’re a way of life” to paraphrase Suicide.

From the movie:



And then there’s another entry into the Flesh Eaters canon:



Roky Erickson – “Burn the Flames”


Found of the 13th Floor Elevators, who were revived to be part of the Hi Fidelity soundtrack with John Cusack, Roky Erickson split from the Elevators under the pressures of drugs and mental illness. While the 13th Floor Elevators were clearly psychedelic rock with several common “trippy” guitar tricks to accentuate their music, Roky yearned for a different creative direction and began his post-Elevators music in 1974 citing old horror and sci fi films in his lyrics. His solo albums include Gremlins Have Pictures, The Evil One, Demon Angel, Casting the Runes and Halloween. This entry into the soundtrack is a slow moving dirge of a rock ballad ode to death. In Return of the Living Dead it is showcased as the song to which Frank throws himself in the cremation fires. It’s a touching moment. A selfless act.

Erickson’s contribution to Return of the Living Dead:



Night of the Vampire by Roky (original folk punk?):



The Damned - “Dead Beat Dance”


These guys were a British punk rock band who were a bit on the darker side and came out of the ashes of bands such as the Pretenders and Masters of the Backside. Sid Vicious auditioned for this band. Their music, lyrics and album titles as well as their appearances can all be seen as a reference to the horror genre. They continue to play to this day recently having supported Motorhead and performing at music festivals in England. Very typical four chord punk with reverb on the vocal gives you a “haunting” feel with pop sensibilities. Some of the vocalization is reminiscent of early Pink Floyd and vocals akin to Peter Murphy.



With vampire image firmly in place:



Tall Boys – “Take a Walk”


Not much is known about the Tall Boys (at least that’s what Lois Lane told us when she used the Google Tool Bar), but what can be said of their music is that the vocals come off more than just slightly off key. It would appear that most what we know about them actually is their involvement in this soundtrack. What a way to fame. There’s also an “old time string band” under the name the Tallboys. I think you’ll find them somewhat different than our dear new wave, punk offering.



A fairly low quality entry by the Tall Boys:



Jet Black Berries - “Love Under Will”


This band released several albums into the mid-80’s and is the most “Goth” of any of the bands on this soundtrack. Bears similarities to anything you might have heard off the Goth Rock Compilations you may or may not have purchased from Hot Topic. We’re talking something akin to the Skeletal Family not so much Bauhaus or Christian Death. Enjoy the Asian-esque riffage and the seemingly Pagan lyrical influence. When you get your manicure later today, paint ‘em black.

Is that the Skeletal Family? No… IT’S THE JET BLACK BERRIES!!!:



Is that Oasis? No wait… it’s the Jet Black Berries:



SSQ – “Tonight (We’ll Make Love Until We Die)”


The two most pop entries into the Return of the Living Dead soundtrack are from SSQ. SSQ stands for Stacey Swan and Q, the original name of the band. This entry into the soundtrack is clearly danceable and could have been played on your favorite DJ’s radio program on the top twenty count down. I’m sure it was the dark lyrics that kept it off the radio. Or maybe when Frankie said “Relax” it clashed with the life ending love making session implied by the lyrics. Note: Linnea Quigley’s strip tease will always and forever be associated with this song so you better learn to like it if you’re not fond of 80’s new wave/dance tunes.



SSQ - “Trash’s Theme”


Dark synth driven music. Probably good for playing on your Halloween scare sound effects loop after you’ve carefully planned and designed your haunted house. Not much more to say. Enjoy.



I hope this entry into our little project has helped you to appreciate some of the songs that you’ve heard on endless repeat as you watched this picture over the years. Not everyone is a soundtrack junkie. I’m clearly someone who pays a little too much attention to music in pictures. I’ve been known to sing along with some of my favorite movie tunes while the picture is still playing. I do it under my breath but am always afraid some will out me. Make this a part of your next kegger’s soundtrack. Make this a part of your life… the soundtrack of you death. The touch… the feel of BRAINS!!!

-Dr. Jimmy Terror

Source Note: I’m not a musical genius and most of the info I have about the bands come directly from other sources not limited to your favorite user updated content site Wikipedia. The effort here was really to gather info about the bands and comment on their contributions. If anything the info is paraphrased. I do not claim to be a punk rock info god. I do claim to be a tremendous slacker.


Also, in my research I found this absolutely brilliant article (although I despise the formatting) on the subject. Please enjoy. We clearly have the same idea as most horror fans would. The author talks more about how it was fund and the label as well as some of the technical aspects of the recording. A good article to be sure.

Check this out for more music trivia that you'll never get to use

Demons III aka The Ogre (This Ain’t Your Mama’s Shrek the Third)

Father: I think I’m going to have a Cappuccino

Son: Ooo dad, can I have one?

Father: Of course…

That kid's like 9 years old! The last thing this kid needs to be worried about is monsters, demons, devils or, god for-fucking-bid, ogres. This kid’s parents clearly want to stunt his growth and to keep him awake well into the evening. Are they aware of the repercussions of sleep deprivation on the developing nervous system? He could drop a letter grade for every latte he consumes. It’s in the FDA warning on the Venti cup at Starbucks… well, only in New York City where they are forced to tell you that the devil is in your Big Mac. Where was I? Oh yeah… Cappuccino!!! Get this kid some 2%, nay Whole Milk and a PB and J. Cappuccino? Are you serious? If he orders it with extra foam and nutmeg the state of horror pictures is doomed to a life of resigned for Beamer driving yuppies. Say Hello to the remake of Cannibal Holocaust brought to you by or Au Bon Pain… want a Carrot Ginger soup with your Hummus and Olives on Sun Dried Tomato Bread?


****Isn't this creative? Wish I had this much talent and free time****

Ok, take a deep breath and forget the kid for now. Remember, you have a blog to write. The people not reading your blog depend on you to “host” the internet’s horror experience. What would Commander USA do?)…

Commander USA, Boils and Ghouls, would take his smoldered, burnt out cigar from between his lips. He would draw Lefty on his hand in true artisan fashion and discuss the finer points of Italian roast, Stella Doro and lemon peel rinds. Commander USA would be cool as a cucumber and then he’d take you back to the picture, THE OGRE… starring specially, pressure brewed coffee with steamy foam layered light upon the top, served in a wide coffee cup with nutmeg delicately sprinkled on the foam and a rind of citrus fruit curled to the side of the whole presentation. Scared yet?



This is a very creepy little Italian picture. Chao Bella! Boy is the dubbing bad. I’m not sure if poor dubbing makes a movie better, but when the picture is from Italy you pretty much can rest assured that at least it’s authentic. Lamberto Bava, son of Italian movie maestro Mario Bava, directs which pretty much means you’re guaranteed an entertaining film if not a genre classic. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Demons 3 (which really is called The Ogre folks) is a classic. It’s not really a Demons film either sharing, no similar plot device or characters with the previous Demons installments also directed by Lamberto.



The film centers around an American family traveling on a vacation abroad. This is how most horrific experiences happen for the Europeans… Americans who can’t speak their language and have made no effort to learn their language trying to “fit in” with catch phrases. The mother, a horror writer, begins having nightmares of an… c’mon… say it… SAY IT… OGRE!!! While it appears to be a dream only, she suspects there may be some reality to her most realistic nightmare. She is forced to confront the realty of the matter which is… AN OGRE HAS COME TO ITALY TO KILL HER… BWAHAHAHA.



We can’t make this plot device up. Why is it that an Ogre seems so… silly? We live in the age of Shrek. An Ogre sounds just like Mike Myers’ father from So I Married an Ax Murderer. Best yet, an Ogre is Mike Myers (not Michael Myers) and wanders about a fairy tale world with a fucking donkey. Can you see where this might skew common conception about what an Ogre is? I’m perfectly content to call this one Demons III even without the formal “how do you do?”, hand shake to the previous installments. Bava made it. Deal with it (even if it’s only titled as such to get in your wallet).

There are some truly horrifying sequences with an excellent score and tremendous opening sequence. I can’t say I’d bring this one out at your next movie festival/marathon, but I would definitely watch it as a companion to your Lamberto Bava fetish. The worst thing that happens in this picture which is not solely the problem of this picture but the problem of most excellent shadowy monster pics is the dawn of the villain. The “reveal” is a problem for every great monster picture a doubly so for half good ones.



Imagine:

The suspense builds. You’re a little creeped out even though you’re watching a film called The (fucking) Ogre :Demons III: and just when you’ve reached for the light switch to “get some popcorn and find your cell phone in the couch” the Ogre makes an appearance and you sit back down. You are no longer scared. You’re not hungry for popcorn and your phone is in your hand where you “forgot about it”. The built suspense falls like a house of cards in a hurricane. If you keep repeating to yourself that this is only a movie it would be the visual equivalent of actually seeing the monster.



I urge you to watch this picture for Bava and for some fairly fun acting. It’s still a creepy picture when you isolate the dark, atmospheric sequences from the filler. It’s still got a score worth ripping from the picture and playing on your iPod on your morning commute. Don’t show it to your friends. Treat it like the porn you don’t want them to know you watch because they’d make fun of you. Most of all, don’t tell them at anytime that you might have been just a wee bit scared… don’t do it. That’s like saying you enjoy watching donkey porn. Real taboo to say you were creeped out be this picture.

-Terror Out.

Quick Note: There are plenty of Demons sequels. I think you're allowed to mix and match which ones you want to believe are authentic, which ones aren't and which movies that aren't sequels actually are sequels. It's like Magic the Gathering on you use DVD cases instead of playing cards. Somebody get the dice!!!