Stephen King jumps into a time machine after getting a facelift and goes back to the mid 90's where he recognizes his lifelong dream of becoming a balladeer for a national act. He assumes the identity of a kid from Texas and goes by the name Murry Hammond. What is supposed to be a short stint turns into decades of material and fandom. Only King existed the picture quite a long time ago. The character, Hammond, became a living, breathing entity and is the beautiful man you see performing alongside Rhett Miller and the boys to this day. So that's how it might have happened...
While we're on the subject of people (or monsters) who look alike, take a gander at Murry Hammond. Murry is the bassist and vocalist for the Old 97's (alt country band extraordinaire). Murry puts up some truly inspirational music. Lyrical impeccable. His bass lines are simple two step which, played as precisely as Murry plays it, can get you dancing or bring a tear to your eye.
Check out these photos and maybe leave a comment or two. Again, both of these guys have musical experience and are great with a typewriter. Doppelganger? If so, Murry needs to make with the Deathrock quickly.
Enjoy.
Your master of horror fiction:
Your master of alternative country rock ballads:
I bet Jordy Verril would have liked the Old 97's after a fifth or two of Vodka and OJ. I bet The Devils Pay was Upped when Stephen King's soul went up for auction.
-Dr. Jimmy Terror former Texas resident and has yet to adventure to Maine.
Please enjoy some Murry Hammond songs. What a voice. What a bass line. Either Texas is a lonely place where the railroad is the only form of transportation or Murry's one step away from Anthony Fremont in A Good Life.
Something occurred to me this evening as I was enjoying today's Facebook Group discussions. I was responding to a post of the Ghoulies 3 trailer (Ghoulies Go To College no less) when I thought it a good idea to bring Munchies into the discussion. You know Munchies, right? Semi-Horror comedy about perverted minature monsters. Great for the thirteen year old male witha libido but without access to late night Cinemax. So Munchies. Ghoulies. We've brought these two bad boys together before.
What we did not connect before, the dots that are in dire need of connecting, was the similarity between the creature creation of another monster. Now I wouldn't exactly call this other monster Semi-Horror. I would call it a Clive Barker classic creation whose quality suffered greatly during the oversaturation of the mid-80's horror boom. That's right. I'm talking about Rawhead Rex. Rawhead Rex: The Celtic Demon brought forth by a bolt of lightening striking a column and straight from the mind of Clive Barker in his third installment of Books of Blood. Rawhead Rex, a movie not currently available on DVD but available for over $100 on various ecommerce websites. Rawhead Rex, has boobs, will travel. Rawhead Rex... who, in the Twilight Zone, is somehow lined up with Munchies of all movies.
Let me show you because I can keep writing that there is a connection all day long. To quote L7, "The Paint Chips are Kickin' In". Here goes.
Here is a Munchie (see movie poster and trailer):
Here is a Rawhead Rex (see image of Rawhead and trailer
Do you see the resemblance? Yes it is quite possible that it is a coincidence. Rawhead Rex was released in 1986. Munchies 1987. Rawhead Rex was Rated R. Munchies G. The effects/make up teams and studios are different. Writers, directors... different. So there's nothing to tie them together.
Also interesting to note is that you can still get Munchies on DVD while Rawhead Rex, as previously stated, is out of fucking print. This has made me a little queazy. Short of piracy or paying someone a fee of extreme proportion (should be labeled blackmail) I can't show this Celtic classic to may fam on St. Patrick's Day (and since I quite drinking Horror and Corn Beef are all I've got on the green day).
So the Munchies aren't dead ringers, but they're close right? Minature Rawheads. What if they get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger (like Ghoulies 2!!!... this whole thing started with Ghoulies). So somewhere underground between Peru and Ireland you might find other monsters with disprortionate heads to bodies and with a nack for getting the shirts off of women. Distant cousins for certain. The Ghoulies... most likely half cousins twice removed and the Gremlins step syblings.
Get out your copy of Origin of the Species
-Dr. Jimmy Terror
Somebody tell Harvey Korman that we're glad he didn't stop working after Blazing Saddles.
Herschell Gordon Lewis... name a movie that he did that didn't influence a modern day genre favorite. Name a movie that didn't take the genre one step into a gorier place. Name one movie that didn't inspire a band... Wait what? What does that even mean? Well if you like heavy metal and death rock as much as I do you know damn well that The Misfits definitely went to the drive-in more than once. They definitely saw every H.G. Lewis picture as it came out (probably in a double feature). Well a lot of other bands did too and in the tradition of bands like The Cramps, Misfits, Roky Erickson, they all made a song in Lewis's image or at least the image of one his masterpieces.
Memory lane time: I can tell you that I was in my early teens when I first saw Blood Feast and I never looked back. That Leonard Maltin book was quite clear. He gave Blood Feast a turkey (that's the rating below 1 star or even 1/2 a star). I had to watch it. I had to know what could inspire a turkey (Pieces, I Spit On Your Grave... countless other beautiful bits of horror cinema that he Maltin can shove up his rusty colon). It's easy to get hooked on H.G.'s Crayola Red Blood and his camp gore, his imperfect actors. If you like H.G. Lewis then you know the drill and will only appreciate the movie more if it includes any one of his "stylistic" elements... let's see if the songs inspired by his movies hold that same burden of proof for us.
Without further adieu I give you The Godfather of Gore (with a documentary of the same name on the market) or rather the music inspired by his works. First I give you the trailer for each of the the H.G. Lewis inspirational films and then the song or band that was inspired by it (shares the same name as the song if no confirmation of inspiration can be found in lyrics or through other research).
"Blood Feast" - Misfits of Earth A.D.
Here's a Death Rock band who needs know introduction. One of my personal favorites although not necessarily one of my favorite Misfits song. Maybe it's because I'm a local Jersey boy myself and so were the Misfits (from Lodi). Also, My first Lewis movie. Enjoy.
Trailer for Blood Feast:
Song by the Misfits:
"Wizard of Gore"- Impetigo
This movie is being remade and getting loads of press. It was on a recent cover of Ultra Violent. I'm a fan of both songs having only recently discovered them. The Wizard of Gore will creep you out. What a great leading man.
Trailer for Wizard of Gore:
Song by Impetigo
"Wizard of Gore" - Rigor Mortis
They are the reason for this entry into the Blog of Horrors.
A truly fun way to spend a hot summer day is with a little wizardry and a whole lotta gore. Bring on the Barbeque!
Song by Rigor Mortis:
"2000 Maniacs" - Riot Squad
Classic H.G. Lewis film and a rather interesting punk/hardcore entry. It'd be hard to believe that Riot Squad didn't get the name from the movie. The number of maniacs specified is exactly the same as Mr. Lewis's number of maniacs (does that mean they have to go to the card game equivalent of 'War'?)
Trailer for Two Thousand Maniacs!
Song by Riot Squad:
"Wrongside of the Tracks" by The Blast Off Girls
Fun 60's/70's throwback garage/punk band. Definitely got the name from Mr. Lewis. Check out any number of their songs on YouTube. Has that "Chick Habit", Runaways sound that Little Steven's Underground Garage would love to groove too. Would be great to play a sample from the movie and follow it with a song by the band eh? eh? Do I see a DJ job in my future? Think again. Speaking of throwback... somebody get me a Mountain Dew.
Trailer for the Blast-Off Girls:
Band Name - Blast off Girls
"I'm Gonna Get You Yet" - Gore Gore Girls
Another band that paid an obvious nod to the Godfather of Gore. It's the perfect name. Only thing better would be to see this band playing Burlesques and Go Go clubs... strippers, poles, H.G. Lewis. Maybe they could squirt each other with large tubes of Crayola paint. Maybe. That's just a fantasy. Also, secret time, I've never been to a strip club. Ever. I think they're degrading (as if writing this blog this poorly wasn't degrading enough already).
Trailer from Gore Gore Girls:
Band Name - Gore Gore Girls:
"Color Me Blood Red" by Converge
We all like to paint. Herschell Gordon Lewis does it with blood and body parts. Converge likes to make music. They like to make music with blood and body parts. Favorite line off the album "Petitioning the Empty Sky"... "I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding like a sieve". Classic. Great song. Great movie. Great poster. A lovely part of the Blood Trilogy.
Trailer from Color Me Blood Red:
Song by Converge:
"Hallucination Generation" by The Gruesome Twosome
Not gonna lie. I do not like this song. I like their band name, but the techno industrial thing isn't working for me. I guess it's perfect for the "two turntables and a microphone" crowd though. Enjoy the low budget movie. Take or leave the band of the same name.
Trailer from The Gruesome Twosome:
Band Name - Gruesome Twosome:
"People Together at Night" - The Taste of Blood
The Godfather of Gore takes an interesting spin on the Vamp theme. If you don't think it's good, it's got a great poster. If you don't like that, you shouldn't read this blog. If you don't like the movie, you're not the only one. Give credit to the premise. While Hammer was churning out Dracula part twenty... H.G. Lewis gave you originality. For what it's worth. Good band. Nice metal. Good metal. Sit. Stay.
Trailer from A Taste of Blood:
Band Name - The Taste of Blood
"She Devils on Wheels" by the Demonics
The song is Green Day meets the Misfits (lyrically at least). The movie is as B as you like 'em. The name says it all. Personally makes me want to go watch roller derby. I have this dream of playing at a roller derby competition. Maybe I'll get the Vaudeville Vampires to cover the theme song (see bonus below).
Trailer from She-Devils on Wheels:
Song by the Demonics
Bonus: Theme song from She Devils on Wheels
That wraps it up. Let me know if you find others. I mostly stuck to his horror pictures. This is a blog of horrors after all.
Dr. Terror - spinnin' em like Regan McNeal's head.
Bonus Bonus (like Pizza Pizza by Little Ceser only you can't eat it):
Some time in the mid-70's filmmakers realized that celluloid became the new oil paint; women were delicately illuminated through projector lights on screens everywhere splaying their most intimate physicality to a paying audience. It's probably how the renaissance started in Europe not too long ago. You know something? I heard the Mona Lisa was originally painted with shoulders down intact. The lower half of the painting was removed due to a surprise third nipple. The world was just not ready for this kind of oddity and it would not be until P.T. Barnum graced us with his traveling circus that third nipples would be common place again.
Lies. Women in the 70's were ripe for the plucking. Everyone is gonna get famous once the clothes come off. Forget about any narrative you may have desired in a film. It's about nudity and other sensationalistic items. It's exploitation, right? It's what we horror freaks dig. Well let me tell you a little about my time with Alucarda, Mexico's answer to the Exorcist and Soft core Inquisition Porn. The Germans did it. The Americans did it. The Italians did it.
With trailer voice overs like this... who needs sex anyway?
More Naked people per yard than Woodstock. That's how I would have billed it. I mean sure there's Emanuele and the Last Cannibals (let's save the Italians for the end of July for Bloodsprayers Italian Horror Week II). The naked body to clothes ratio in both films create this ere of complete desensitization. Yes, this comment comes to you from the twelve year old brain of an adolescent boy in a thirty year old's body. Too many naked bodies... yes. It's not sexy. Nudity with that frequency is boring. It's why lingerie exists.
So this is one of the "original" possession movies. Definitely some creepy images, but I am not sure if I find it scary. Take a bunch of religious zealots and give them a purpose (this happens every 200 years or so). Give them a possessed person to save, and you've got at least two hours of free time to wait while the Europeans torture the crap out of said possessed (unless your into that kind of thing). I suppose we compare anything with the Devil or demonic possession to the Exorcist; a comparison that unfairly knocks good movies down a peg. Alucarda is not a great movie. It is entertaining. Its good for the pre-torture porn crowd; for those who enjoy the music of Deicide; For those who have let their subscription to Hustler lapse and most importantly, for those who need to wash American Haunting out of their head.... this is your film. The Dawn dish soap of motion picture. Watch Alucarda and you're brain will come out clean (disturbed but total blank slate... how John Locke).
In the end, Alucarda comes off more like an after school special that ended up on the cutting room floor. "Now… when you go into the family crypt... don't open the coffins. You'll catch your death of demonic possession". Question: Why is blood always dripping from people's eyes? I don't mean just in this movie either. The Mexicans, the Italians, True Blood... why? Is this something that good ol' tear duct catheterization could cure? Next question: why are nipples constantly the target of knives and teeth? Discuss.
The most amazing part of watching this film was finding a My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult sample. Let's Listen:
It's not the Devils. It's not Mark of the Devil. It's not the Exorcist. It's not a Paul Naschy Film. It's not an Exorcist sequel even. It's not Beyond the Door. It's not the Exorcism of Emily Rose or the Last Exorcism. It's a cross between soap opera, Lifetime special, Hammer studio production and Homemade porn made because no one told these ladies the camera was actually rolling. Enjoy it (if you're into that sort of thing).
-Dr. Jaime de Teror
Note: Maybe the worst part of watching this Fango 300 entry was constantly looking at the title and thinking of Alucard (Dracula spelled backward) from Castlevania III. This memory of mine... a curse. Like Dracula's Curse. Check out this music!
I'd hate to say I made this up, but you wouldn't believe me and I did make this up.
I have never been interviewed. I think that if you were a MySpace member circa whenever MySpace was the in-thing you remember quiz after quiz about just about everything you touch, see or smell in a day. I am a born quiz taker. I had to kick myself of MySpace for that reason (although the Dr. Terror's Blog of Horrors has a MySpace page because I still think its trendy). So when John Hoff III posed the opportunity to me I started looking to see which of my friends was gitty based on the emoticon placed by their status update.
To read the interview (and it's a doozy) follow the jump below. Enjoy and remember, this isn't pretense this is omnitense. Figure that out!
Classic Fangoria cover without a doubt for a classic Cronenberg shot. Yes, the infamous telephatically induced head explosions is featured on the cover of Fangoria #10. After seeing Zombie ane Motel Hell featured, we're finally stearing clear of Mr. Spock although not sci-fi altogether. And Certainly not Fantasy (soon my preciouses). You'll never get rid of science fiction in horror. It doesn't make sense to the Doctor either, but of course I'll rage on my little soap box for early Fango to stay away from Gene Rodenberry because the world doesn't need another Starlog. You know my vendetta. You don't care. Let's stop judging this magazine by its cover and get down to some apendage explosions.
According to the advertisement for Future Life magazine, "You MUST subscribe!". Did people subscribe? I don't seem to recall this mag, but I was a just a baby doctor at the time (or in utero doctor at best). I suppose the advert has to do with the crossover of managing editor Bob Woods to the Future Life team. Shameless plug for ol' Bob Woods. I weap for the future (life). So Bob Woods is gone after just nine issues. And then of course there's this moron (Galen Peoples I hope you liked Hostel.):
Goremongers... please respond to Gene Siskel at the previous mentioned address in the previous Fango restrospective where we mentioned just how much we fucking care about that dead motherfucker (no, we do not have any shame). Also, find Galen Peoples on Facebook and post the goriest video you can find with the header "What Gore Means To Me... By (your name here).
Or maybe Jeff Barkley will shut Mr. Peoples right the fuck up.
Let's move on shall we. Somebody just gave me a hit of adrenachrome and I'm feeling like going a little Prowler on a gore-hater's ass. Fan-GORE-ia.
The feature article in Fango 10 is Scanners. I find it strange that the featured movie in any particular Fangoria gets minimal face time. I think that's changed. Typically the maga devotes more than a couple articles to the "hook" movie. In the early days the spend as much time with a movie like Scanners as they do with their Postal Zone. That's a whole lotta fan opinions. So Cronenberg goes over his budgetary issues and the stress of making scanners. I didn't know David "King of Body Horror" Cronenberg was a self taught filmmaker. Gives the rest of us hope right? So some behind the scenes pics. Some words with Davey C.
Mother's Day. With Charles Kaufman (Lloyd's bro). This movie helps cement Troma in a few years. Between distributing this and Bloodsucking Freaks you really nail down what you can expect from a Troma presentation. When you really look at Mother's Day, you're seeing the evolution of Hillbilly Horror. I'd say it starts somewhere around Spider Baby and 2000 Maniacs, reaches into the deep pockets of Deliverance. Shakes hands with Leatherface and shows up in a slasher, exploitation style flick with a resounding holiday theme ala Halloween and Friday the 13th. Can you tell it's the 80's yet? After a history of where Mr. Kaufman (Charles not Lloyd ) came from he gets up on his little guy, independent filmmaker soaps box. Battling the MPAA no less. We're with you Charles! Mother's Day was shot in good ol' Newton, NJ. That's 20 minutes from my house, ghoulies. I might go up there next week. See just how creepy it is sans rednecks.
We have a brief encounter with Dick Smith's special effects work in Altered States and how his physical effects combined with opticals gave such an eerie, reality bending look. Kudos Dick.
This gives way to a group interview/introspection on what makes up true horror. What makes a horror picutre terrorize its audience. Notables are John Carpenter, Avco Embassy Pictures, Sean Cunningham, Richard Rubinstein, Don Coscarelli, New World Pictures and the Jerry Gross Organization. This is before Wes Craven made Nightmare on Elm Street so everyone's just tickled pink with Sean Cunningham and Carpenter. Add a little Angus Scrimm for flavor. This particular article reads like the town drunk recanting his past after he's gotten into a bottle of Old Granddad.
Beyond that we have a retrospective on the career of Theodore Sturgeon (writer of television sci-fi). I'll tell you that Gene Rodenberry's name gets mentioned in this article. Sturgeon wrote for Tales of Tomorrow, Land of the Lost, The Invaders, Star... Fuck. It's the author talking about his experiences with some very famous people. Not being overl familar with Tales of Tomorrow and not a huge of Land of the Lost or the Invaders this article is lost on me. Might be good for you. Enjoy.
There's a eulogy to Tex Avery (animator for Warner Bros during the formative years). His innovations spurred animation to new heights. I'll take that as his work influence the movie Cool World and we can start a dialogue on cartoon characters we'd like to fuck. Notice I moved directly past Jessica Rabbit (the whore). Judy Jetson has got to be legal by now right? I've heard she's got her lhabia pierced. Far out. We done yet? Do we understand why this is not my favorite article and is clearly filler? Double Plus Good. (note... Daphne from Scooby Doo... Brazilian wax.... it's on).
A couple of issues ago we were discussing Apes. Fitting that Exhumed Films has their Go Ape festival coming up (see the Facebook page for details, kiddies). But back to Fangoria, this is an entry about Fangoria. Might Joe Young is featured in the follow up to King Kong and Son of Kong. The article features a detailed history of its production and a little bit about the effects mastery. There's been some Bloodsprayer articles that handle the situation with more depth, but it's a nice pictorial review of the film. When you say Harryhausen, you say quality.
Fangoria circa 1980 focused on Hammer Horror much the way that magazines like HorrorHound focus on early 80's slasher films and the VHS revolution. This issue is no different featuring an amazing article on Jimmy Sangster, writer, produce and director for some Hammer pictures. He contributed to any number of Hammer favorites in someway not limited to but including The Curse of Frankenstein and The Horror of Dracula as well as The Nanny and Lust for a Vampire (originally slated for Terence Fisher). Definitely worth the read. Make sure to pick this issue up off the back issue table solely for this article. There are article in new monster magazines with years of research behind them that aren't nearly this thorough.
More Outer Limits with Leslive Stevens (article contineus from last issue). Some classic images. Stevens will talk about television in the early 60's. Some favorite episodes. The usual. We're not going to dedicate a whole lotta time to the Outer Limits because we're going to talk about the CBS television program...
FAERIES. This belongs in a horror magazine? Oh that's right, Fangoria isn't a horror magazine yet. It's still seems to think it's a Fantasy mag or a Science Fiction Mag. Brother!
Then a Count Fangor strip.
Then a Starlog watch advert.
When all hope is lost there's a little blurb about The Monster Club starring Vincent Price. It's nice to know that the author of the blurb took the time reference a bunch of the musical numbers such as "Monsters Rule, O.K.", by the Viewers. "Sucker For Your Love" by B.A. Robertson. "The Monster Club" by The Pretty Things and "The Stripper" by Night
Just a little taste of the musical numbers in this one:
The Monster Invasion section also references Contamination, Zombie, New Year's Evil and, of course, Shogun Assassin. Interesting little quote here in the New Year's Evil blurb: "What's next, asked reader David Campion, Groundhog Day?"... Only one explanation. He's psychic. It is an issue that "features" Scanners after all. Of course The Great Muppet Caper makes it into this issue of Fango as do the X-Men.
Guys this issue was kinda blah, right? The Hammer article really stuck out and it's nice to be reminded as to how much we love Cronenberg, but not much going on here. Next issue... coming soon... a George Romero interview. Tom Savini. Dan O'Bannon talkin' about Dead and Buried. Tobe Hooper's Funhouse (f to the u to the c to the k... yeah!). Even some PJ Soles. Bring it on.
-Dr. Terror vs. Count Fangor for the title. Middleweight Gore Nut Division
So I Saw The Devil. The opening scene with late 70's retro latin music makes me think I'm about to be forced into a very David Lynch situation. Especially when people first order you a tow truck then proceed to sing you a lullaby. This is my first Korean (North or South) Horror film. I realize that pictures like The Tale of Two Sisters and The Uninvited may well be worth the watch, but HorrorHound told me I would enjoy THIS one and I'm loyal to the Hound.
This flick has torture porn written all over it. Eli Roth probably advised on the open kill sequence. I don't want to ruin it, but it's his gritty style. Well its his or James Wan's, but definitely looks more like Hostel. Those gloves. Those boots. Hostel-esque. Has a bit of Guinea Pig stuff up its ass as well only quite a bit more plot thick; Has Save the Green Planet casting its shadow over it as well. Oh, and by the by... if I'm a fucked up killer/kidnapper and you tell me you're pregnant, that's probably the equivalent of a two for one sale on soda pop at the quickie mart. Best to keep that to yourself. It's a horror rule. She who plays the pregnancy card is doomed to lose all her chips. Painfully.
Basic idea is that man and woman are in love. Woman gets brutally murdered. Man enacts his own version of vigilante justice in a bad ass motherfucka kind of way. Brutal. Perhaps all I can say is that no one's every seen underwear like that and when they did, no balls have ever seen a pipe wrench like that. That's the level of brutality we're talking about. Its like inverse torture porn. The good guy gets to kill everyone in creative ways for truth, justice and the South Korean way... but he does so creatively and thus the kills visually benefit the audience's libido i.e. torture porn for nice guys (not you demented fucks). I guess there's kills on both sides of the force that might equate to the ol' T.P., but at least there's some friggin' balance between good and evil for a change. Horror is at its best filmmakers drop the pretention that humans react righteously to horrific events. Cases in point: Last House on the Left and I Spit On Your Grave.
Slow moving picture with good intentions, creative kills and a loveable, vigilante good guy. Throw in a skeavy pervert bad guy, give the film the running time of the Godfather and you have yourself my first Korean horror film. Seems like quite a bit of this could have ended up on the cutting room floor.
There's a little reverse Hitcher/John Ryder going on there too. Check it out to enjoy the carnage, the novelty and the inverted TP (again... torture porn, not toilet paper).
Most important question of the movie: Who do you think won?
-Dr. Terror
You know you just can't stab a guy too many times, can ya? It's not like you need to reload a knife.
I've seen a few too many realty based, mocumentary style, this footage is really real movies in the last couple of years. I'm not gonna say that it's necessarily the worst thing. Take just the other evening; Troll Hunter was an amazing picture. [REC]... The end inspires and terrifies me. Enter The Tunnel. Will this come up [REC] or will it come up it's American lesser half, Quarantine or worse. It certainly couldn't be the Best in Show of horror pictures (overly realistic primed with genre elements that set it above the rest).
If we go by the opening sequence, the call to the emergency center, I'd give it two opposable thumbs up. Talk about a vocal performance that will give you goose pimples and the willies at the same time. I won't say that the device, an emergency phone call, is anything original. It's what's being said and how it's being screamed that will get under your skin. Moving on.
What is the hook on The Tunnel? Mockumentary that is exploring "something fishy" in a seemingly abandoned tunnel system underneath Sydney, Australia that has been recently been under scrutiny by the media. When some internet research and news stories start to point to a juicy expose, the cameras roll ane the misadventure begins.
Somewhere in the early minutes of this one I started to get the feeling that I was re-watching Raw Meat if Raw Meat was a mocumentary instead of a dramatic retelling of a "true" event. I'm filled with every story I've ever heard about the subways of New York City having a vivacious, living, breathing underground society. I'm reminded of my own desire to break into those tunnels or the Edgewater tunnels in New Jersey or any other ghost hunt expediation involving a copy of Weird NJ magazine. Some secret part of me kept wondering if an overweight country bumpkin was going to jump out and say the words "head on a stick" in an Austrailian/Kiwi accent. So there's the "I was almost stupid enough to try this" aspect and the "I can't get Wolf Creek out of my fucking mind once I heard an accent from down under". Just being honest.
Instead I got to hear the sound of Tangles... suffering. Crunch. Squealing. Fuck. I think I'll leave it at that. I don't want to give anymore of the juicy bits away because it's kind of a slow moving picture. You'll need every piece of shock footage. Every laugh you can find. By the time you see what they're all so afraid of you'll be comparing it, lovingly, to [REC] but thinking "jump scare" in the back of you mind too. Also, if you've seen the Descent and enjoyed than this will either feel like a moderate rip off or a nice addition to the underground, claustrophobic genre. Also this movie makes a little itty bitty mistake... shows too much of... well whatever it is, they're showing too much of it. Also (yes... also again), this flick loves to test your stomach with camera shake and likes to play a little game call "Night Vision Green, Black No Light, Actual Light" Repeat.
Promoted as a free film and distributed through the internet via the file sharing system of torrents, this movie could spread like wildfire, malware or your favorite drunken cheerleaders legs (just kidding).
Stake Land... People are talking this one up like its been makin' out with Hester Prynne just before they dropped a big letter "A" on her chest. Is this a new take on the vamp legend? Will it save vampire films from the evil forces of Twilight (ewww... vampires kissing humans; humans kissing werewolves... gross). Yes and no.
If imitation is the greatest form of flattery, Rubin Fleischer must be tickled blood red. The naration by a young, would-be vampire killer has the feeling of a whole different "land" film. You know, Zombieland. I'm not sure that's a bad thing, but I might find it a bit unnecessary. Start off with a high action vampire killer. Force your way past the obvious baby doll in the stead of an actual baby being murdered by said vamp. Push a little further into the experienced vamp killer going cross country alongside young apprecentice vamp slayer. There are some parallels to our beloved Zombieland. There are some marks against it beyond imitation. The bloodsuckers look like Uraki from Lords of the Rings. I'm not necessarily offering that as a strike against it; it's just a fact. Maybe even a little werewolf in there. Back to Stake Land being Zombieland... Everyone's wearing Brazillian Tarp Hats... or at least look-a-like hats.
It's nice to see vampires as animals instead of pretty humans. It's nice to see them uncivilized. It's not quite a disease that you'd catch for which a hospital visit would even be considered. Maybe it plays off of 28 Days Later on that note. Rage plus Animal Vamps plus the film style of Zombieland. Post-apocalypse: isn't everything these days? It's one of the only things that gets to the kids today. Fear of losing their Gameboys. Stake Land is a lonesome driter picture; Vampire Hunter at a Truck Stop (one Mac truck away from Maximum Overdrive). Of course you have to throw in the fear of the religious right. There are always religious zealots. Gotta have a non-vamp enemy; See True Blood if you don't quite get what I'm getting at here. Stake Land comes off party horror movie, part western/John Wayne film, part Romero style, socially critical post-apocalypse piece. Maybe a little Holden Caufield.
One definitive plus in this vampire entry is the focus on the stakers instead of the staked. It's nice to have a story about people every once in awhile. That's why we love Stephen King's horror right? Maybe that's why Stephen King's film adaptations don't always hold a candle to his original drafts. Screenwriters don't get the people like King does. It's about time we got the story of the modern day, true grit story of Van Helsing rather than Drac. Let's not call the screenplay for Stake Land Stephen King-esque, but what I'm willing to say is that it's a story of characters and doesn't bank on laughs to prime the identify-with-the-character pump.
What do you stake a vampire with in Stake Land? Real stakes. Stakes that a real person would make. Not overly squared off, Home Depot, pre-shaved two foot pikes. Real stakes without looking cheeseball. No one's sharpening the edge of little Timmy's polo clubs. Burnt tips. You can tell their built to kill, made with fire and wood, hand sharpened... creative. Truly enjoyed the stake boomerage. It's reminscent of Castlevania, no? It always surprises me that vampires get hunted like deer. One-on-one, on at a time. There's no great vamp round up. Works for zombies, right?
The lead vamp staker bears strong resemblance to Jeff Bridges. Now that would have been something. The Dude stakin' vampires tokin' a bone sipping a White Russian. Better make it a Bloody Mary givent he genre crossover. He was in True Grit too which goes along with Stake Land's cowboy feel.
On a side note: It's always nice to hear "In the Pines" by Leadbelly in the middle of a vamp flick trying to push beyond the cliched mythos. Especially when it's Danielle Harris on the mic.
-Dr. Jimmy Terror
We'll leave you with some Leadbelly. It's a right bit more haunting than Stakeland. Well, maybe not more than those chained up, smoking vamp skeletons. Those were pretty damn good.
Let me get this straight. You are an aspiring documentary maker or film student. You live in the great country of Norway. Your entire existence probably goes something like this: Fjord, Black Metal, Fjord, Fjord, Fjord, Black Metal, Fjord, Black Metal, Black Metal... Troll?. We came to expose the Great Bear Poacher of the North (Fjord) and we found the Great Troll Hunter!!! This doesn't happen to people in the really real world. It's pure unadulterated fantasy. I mean who gets bitten by a Troll anyway? Eunice St. Clair! Oh and that Norwegian bloke makin' the god damn documentary. Anybody know the Norwegian equivalent of bloke? Thought not.
You can guess where it goes from there. Hunt a troll with a professional troll hunter. When it's opening up you're thinking, "I hope this doesn't workout like The Edge with Anthony Hopkins." It doesn't. No really. No spoilers there. The aspiring, rag tag documentary film makers end up following said professional troll hunter into the woods; armed with troll stink (think deer musk) and land mines. On your journey into the woods you'll encounter troll piss, tales of troll lore both fact and fiction as well as useful tips for defending yourself against trolls (sunlight turns 'em to stone or blows 'em up... we don't know which). Oh and they smell Christians... so there's that.
This comes off like Cloverfield at times in the best possible suspenseful, slightly claustrophobic moments. At others we're waiting for someone to ask Josh if where the fuck the map is (he kicked it in the river remember?). This film is all the fun of hunting a wild animal in the wilderness, so if you really dig that kind of thing it's best to put on camo before watching this one. Boy is it a visually stunning film. When it's not overly dark the troll CGI is something of beauty. It's beyond the Harry Potter, giant creations. The effects also bear some resemblance to the zombie mutants created in Dead Alive (slight resemblance).
The troll hunter gives an amazing comedic performance and ever so gently, lovingly... slams the tongue right in the ol' cheek. I'd have it no other way: a. Norway b. Trolls. In no other way should this be displayed but with the most refined humorous sensibilities. After all, if you don't laugh in the ever dark reaches of Scandinavia, your heart turns to stone and you learn to play guitar. Don't believe me? Ever see Dead Snow? Nazi Zombies. Same thing... tongue in cheek, extra comedy with a side of superior effects plus gore. Another gem from Norway. Also, Harpoon... You remember: The Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre. Not really Scandinavia, but close enough.
All in all if you can take enough Dramamine to keep your late dinner down, you're going to be wowed by the effects from a childlike wonderment point of you. You'll wish someone was retelling you all those fables about trolls you heard as a kid... if that kind of thing really happens in America. Troll Hunter tells a great fable, perhaps one that American audiences might not be able to fully appreciate due to the lack of troll mythos in our youth culture. Maybe Troll Hunter can change that for generations to come.
BEWARE: Remakes rights to this gem have been purchased and are staring at the English speaking world like a needle full of Thorazine. Hollywood wants you to forget how good this film is by making one of their own which only works out a small percentage of the time. Just make sure you see the original before 1492 makes with the "re-imagination" gun. André Øvredal did a damn fine job. Hope Hollywood forgets about this one unless some how André Øvredal and the cast and crew will stand to benefit financially from a remake"s production.
