LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Thursday, May 10, 2012

7 x 7 Award Acceptance and Nomination: Somebody Pass the Seagrams?

I think of awards of this type as a sort of chain letter (chain award). We give them to each other and bestow them upon our friends, relatives and fellow bloggers to avoid… well… something of a curse. It’s a courtesy. It’s just fun and I’m glad to carry on the tradition especially since I might die if I don’t pass this on. Maybe I should add that to the rules.

I received the 7 x 7 Award from Son of Celluloid who is absolutely one of my favorite bloggers, individuals, Facebook buddies and all around fine fucking person. The idea that I am even remotely deserving of this puppy makes me feel like a Mare in Sleepaway Camp II (nice girls DO have to show it off). Thanks buddy. I’ll keep the letter moving so we don’t die in seven days. Here goes nothin’.

Rule 1: Tell everyone something that no one else knows about you:

I went through a very political phase where I was convinced that I needed to follow teachings of John Lennon’s “Imagine” and give up all my possessions (nearly all) and move to Texas to start a utopian society by encouraging the secession of Texas from the Union. I wrote constantly, became a vegan, became a “hippie” type and worked at an adult video store/novelty store cleaning jizz and handing out dollar bills to old men. I enjoyed a care free life, free of unnatural drugs (read between the lines mofo’s) and attempting to live communally with a small group of like minded individuals. I gave up every horror movie, poster and piece of memorabilia I had. Later, when I realized that the revolution would not be televised, started eating meat and watching TV again I missed my horror stuff more than anything I gave up. It was a difficult lesson for me. I still miss my VHS. I get teary eyed thinking about it. So that was politico-jimmy and when I returned to New Jersey I started collecting again and never looked back. I love my horror. John Lennon can go fuck his own corpse (still love his music though). Imagine no possessions? How about imagine giving all your things away for an ideal that could never materialize based on the lyrics of a heroin addict.


Rule 2: link to one of the posts that I personally think best fits the following categories: Most Beautiful Piece, Most Helpful Piece, Most Popular Piece, Most Controversial Piece, Most Surprisingly Successful Piece, Most Underrated Piece & Most Pride-Worthy Piece.

Most Beautiful Piece: Day 6 of the 30 Day Horror Challenge Strikes Back– There is none more beautiful in the horror-verse than Ms. Hartman (although she’s married now). Lay down your head ye dogs and pay respect to that hair, that bod and that pit toilet.

Most Helpful Piece: Halloween is For Beer Lovers– Before I stopped drinking this piece inspired a veritable shit ton of conversation. There’s nothing like combining beer with horror… or wine… or booze. Unfortunately my sobriety has prevented a new installment of this piece. My liver hates me (in the Dostoyevsky sense of hate). Keep an eye out for guest bloggers posting beer related pieces around the harvest season.

Most Popular Piece: When I Was a Child, I Played With Devilish Things– I guess nostalgia sells. This piece actually got me my first article in a ‘real’ magazine, Haunted. Of course I didn’t get my complimentary copy of the mag, they won’t send me the copy I actually shelled out money for and I’m going to break all kinds of copyright laws and publish it myself if the fuckers responsible don’t own up to their end of the agreement. People loved this piece. I love this piece. I see a part two in my future: toys I stole from my sisters to look at naked.

Most Controversial Piece: The piece I’m going to write about jungle bush. (yet to be published). I assure you I will do it. Most likely at the end of the giallo challenge. Maybe I should do it in 3D? If I had to pick an existing blog it would be my A Serbian Film second look blog. Rewatching the Unseeable.  Liking a movie that has gotten people arrested for kiddie porn violations must be controversial right?

Most Surprisingly Successful Piece My Summer Horror Preview: Humans are the Most Important Meal of the Day. I was a young blogger back then. I couldn’t review movies then, can’t review movies now. I probably should have stayed away from reviews altogether, but they suck you in. People want to know what you think of things and reviews take less time than editorials (although not as little time as news pieces). So I’ll keep reviewing movies for now, but nearly always spoiler free. I rarely write my own take on the synopsis. Somebody else was paid too much money to do their job a second time and at least I can be certain I didn’t give away more than the god damn studio.Anyway, the reason this thing was probably successful was because it was pretty darn tongue in cheek. This was back when I'd booze it up and then write. I used to love posting strange related links but it was sooo cumbersome. I just don't seem to have time to be that detailed anymore. Maybe I need to get back to my roots.

Most Underrated Piece: Eating People is Easy. My Italian Cannibal film retrospective. I worked my ass off on that thing. Watched/rewatched each movie with love. Crafted criticisms… I wish more people would read it. I may even republish it here (It was for the Blood Sprayer’s Italian Horror Week).

Most Pride-Worthy Piece: Dr. Terror’s 3-D Halloween. I had a blast creating the images and finding other 3-D video around the web. I liked it so much that it will be a yearly event for our much beloved holiday complete with FREE 3-D glasses. This last one was cyan and red, but we’ll try and mix it up (maybe) this year. Nothing like receiving branded merchandise from a quality web log like this (you can puke now).

Rule 3: Pass this award on to seven other bloggers. (I wonder how many times these awesome blokes have received this and awards like it… boy am I a cynical bastard).

Fascination With Fear
Tomb It May Concern
The Bloody Iris
Person You Benefit From Knowing
Guts and Grog
Shit Movie Fest
Lair of Filth

I feel blessed to be around people who like to send award’s like this. Son of Celluloid floored me. Make sure to hop over there and give it some love (you know… like donkey show kinda lovin’). Thanks SOC. Your faithful cellmate awaits your command.

-Dr. “We Don’t Need No Stinking Awards” Terror

Side note: the damn award picture needs more blood. Somebody find me my Crayola paint!


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