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Friday, July 20, 2012

ITALIAN HORROR WEEK: BEYOND THE GIVEAWAYS



Let's talk of an amazing feeling of thanksgiving I have for all of my dear friends who came out this week to enjoy the collective fetish we all share. Italian Horror Week has been a great success. We've made new friends. We given out some bad ass shit. We've helped promote a few companies that are fans of the genre and who we are fans of for supporting fans. Take the time to go visit with them when you need something in the horror-verse.

HOUSE OF MYSTERIOUS SECRETS


FRIGHT RAGS

DIABOLIK DVD


MONDO MACABRO



CULT COLLECTIBLES



ARROW VIDEO


The winners of all contests will have been notified at this time. I won't offer up their names simply because I have no idea if they wish to remain anonymous, but if you're reading this then you should check your inbox. I hope you're a winner. I hope you're all winners.. .why do I feel like I just inserted myself into the movie Hot Rod and the song Ninja Survive is gonna play in the background as carefully crafted by Europe? Anyway, each contest was a success in their own right.

The Cult Collectibles  contest had most of you stumped. The song is from the film 7 Doors of Death which is the U.S. release of Lucio Fulci's The Beyond. Did you kick yourself when I said that? I have made mention of the score before in my first Italian Week years ago. I made use of it now because a love of horror would figure it out (with a hint) and it's absolutely synthetically gorgeous in its total simplicity. Here it is one last time.



Please enjoy it. Spread it around the net. Make sure this song doesn't die out on VHS tape.

MONDO MACABRO gave us some great movie packs to giveaway. I figured you'd want to know a. Which movie in the Mondo Macabro catalogue is guilty of having the distinction to the be the only Pakistani film ever to be rated “X” in its country of origin? ...  Zinda Laash, The Living Corpse - Dracula in Pakistan!  and b.  what ideas did folks have for a Lady Terminator sequel. Here are the best of the best (in no particular order):





1. Lady Terminator 2: Electric Boogaloo. First time was for the thrill and kills, now she just wants to dance.

2. Wasn't Dangerous Seductress considered a sequel to LT? If not then LT2: Rise of the South Sea Witch. It would be made years after T3 even, missing the T2 boat and use plot elements from both complete with T3's downer ending.

3.Lady Terminator 2: Attack of the Pussy Pythons - The soul of the South Sea Queen would possess all of the snakes in the area and an outbreak of snakes biting off men's dicks would begin. The only way to defeat them is to make penis bombs and blow the South Sea Queen's soul to hell. This would take one of the best parts of LT and make it the main plot. This is all set to the score of Hell of the Living Dead

4. If Lady Terminator was to have a sequel, what would the title be and give a brief synopsis of the plot?


Lady Antebellum Terminator - Lady Antebellum and other country music stars are deemed an important part of supporting the south in Civil War 2. Lady Terminator is dispatched to take them out 6 years before the war, and succeeds in a glorious blood bath. Darius (Hootie) Rucker will make a cameo as Martin Luther King Jr Jr. Kill scenes include guitar string strangulation and someone being drown in a bathtub of moonshine.

2 other ideas for further sequel ridiculousness.

Lady Terminator 2: Fudgement Day - go back in time to kill rival fudgemakers before they open up shop and steal your business. This title could also work as a porno.

Or..

Lady Elizabeth Terminator - Much like the events of Terminator, yet set in england, and has something to do with the queen fucking up, go back in time to kill her, yada yada yada. Horse drawn carriages and shit.

4. To my shame, I've never seen Lady Terminator in its entirety. I will say that a proper sequel would be a full on XXX porn parody called Lady Terminator 2: Judgement Lay.



Many of you attempted to follow the riddles for the DIABOLIK DVD Giveaway. Many of you have a new found hate for the movie Snuff. Please be advised that it was the most missed one on the list (number 14). Do not feel bad. Some of you did get it. Also, I gave credit for Django and Django Kill. My goal was to have you see what Diabolik DVD has on their shelves. I think you all did that with flying colors. I hope you bought the Christine Lindberg movie. I myself am saving my pennies.

Here are the answers:

1. This movie was written by the same fella who directed Nightmares from 1983 and features “Nancy’s Daddy” who has been in more than one Italian classic. – Blood Beach DVD (PAL Region 2)

2. This flick features the star of the movie Thriller: A Cruel Picture showing off her birthday suit on the cover (that would be enough for most horn balls). Features the “Uncut Swedish Version” and portrays “the shocking account of a young NYMPHOMANIAC”. – Anita DVD (NTSC Region 1)

3. This next movie was directed by one of the idols of Chainsaw and Dave from Summer School and features a budding young actress who also starred in Amadeus. It spawned one of my favorite Fright Rags T-Shirts. Please note the name of the distro company when submitting the answer and either Blu-Ray or DVD is acceptable (you may just want to pre-order this one NOW!) – Funhouse (Scream Factory) (Blu-Ray or NTSC Region 1)

4. This film’s special format and packaging features a cover that is very similar to Don’t Go Into the House and is an homage to 80’s slasher movies. You won’t find this particular cover on the packaging for this particular version. Make it a combo! Also features Joe Bob Briggs’ Drive in Total. – The Sleeper (DVD/VHS Combo) (NTSC Region 1)
5. First off, you must be 18 Years or Older to Order this Title. This title features a triple feature and has a word on the front cover that is tattooed on my upper arm (gun show… get your tickets). Features uninterrupted play option and has a bible verse in the synopsis. Find out just how big that “stinger” really is. – 1970’s Triple Climax Collection Grindhouse Collection DVD (NTSC All Region)

6. This movie is from the EuroShock Collection and will come up in our Italian Disco soundtrack special feature later this week although it won’t be the focus of that piece. Directed by Louis Fuller. – Aenigma DVD (Lucio Fulci) (NTSC Region 1)

7. This collection of four movies contains a film that I strongly disagreed with on the Fangoria 300 retrospective review. I maintain to this day that a movie with the exact same title SHOULD be on the list and this one removed. It’s British and is billed as a Quadruple feature. One of the titles of in the collection might be a name that Gilligan would have uttered on that lost island post-3 hour tour. – British Horror Collection DVD (Media Blasters) (NTSC Region 1)

8. This Blu-Ray has been doing quite well at Diabolik Dvd. Perhaps the name has something to do with it since a famous director of one my absolute favorite films has just used part of the namesake of this spaghetti western. Director also did a gialli that I watched and gave a brief comment on in my You’ve Got Yellow On You update.– Djano Kill – If You Live, Shoot! (Blu-Ray All Region).

9. This spoof takes aim at a Lovecraft classic and features Dr. Breast. Put out by Burning Angel and has a cover that’s just gloriously retro. When’s the last time you saw the long dead vaginally injected and laughed? – Re-Penetrator DVD (Burning Angel) (NTSC Region 1)  <---- this was a contest favorite!!!

10. Put out by Shameless and is lauded as the “ultimate video nasty” this edition features the Director’s New Edit. – Cannibal Holocaust (Shameless UK All Region Blu-Ray)

11. Photo Clue – Which movie is this? – Early Films of John Holmes DVD (NTSC Region 1)

12. Photo Clue – Which movie is this? – Hercules in the Haunted World DVD (Fantoma) (NTSC Region 1)

13. Photo Clue – Which book is this? – Book of the Dead (FAB PRESS) (Import Book)

14. Photo Clue – Which movie is this? – Snuff DVD (NTSC All Region)

15. Photo Clue – Which movie is this? – Devil in Miss Jones – 2 DVD Collector’s Edition (NTSC Region 1)
We had a few Dr. Freudsteins show up in the inbox of TERROR and those folks took away a copy of House by the Cemetery on beautiful Arrow Video Blu Ray. Enjoy.




House of Mysterious Secrets gave away some delightful goods. The artistic endeavors that saw winners here were most entertaining. Here are a couple examples. I'd love to see more. Keep sending them in.




Finally, the Fright Rags giveaway was an absolute pleasure. We asked you to do a TERROR lib. Here are examples of what people sent in:

ZOMBIE TOM CRUISE EATERS!!!
In Hudson Bay a turd that has a neglected appearance is drifting harshly out to sea. A coast-guard prius draws up alongside and a policeman goes into the ass. His colleagues do not smell him come out again and one is about to go into the baby when a gooey sight appears out of the hatchway – a shelf covered in bile, walks towards him menacingly. Only after being hit repeatedly by the empire state building from the policeman’s elmo does he fall overboard and disappear amid the waves.


This news causes a door and beer in the whole of Turkey, also because the sailing-boat belong to a famous paleintologist who disappeared rather mysteriously in the pet store. The scientist’s daughter Belinda together with Barry, a famous Hungarian journalist, set out to look for him. The two of them set sail on a schooner belonging to Hank, a young American ethnologist , and Susan a young underwater brain surgeon. Far out at sea, Susan humps to take some twins, but is attacked by a huge koala bear; however, she is saved by a Zombie who unexpectedly appears out of the depths of the milk. In the meantime, on Matul Island, in the Antilles, Professor Menard is carrying out slimey experiments.


What follows in the tree fort and later at the dentist is terrifying – ZOMBIE TOM CRUISE EATERS ARE HERE!!!

ZOMBIE MITTEN EATERS!!!

“Let’s Go Sailing!!!”

In Hudson Bay a Zombie that has a neglected appearance is drifting eagerly out to sea. A coast-guard dingy draws up alongside and a policeman goes into the smoke. His colleagues do not lick him come out again and one is about to go into the bath when a mushy sight appears out of the hatchway – a unicorn covered in bile, walks towards him menacingly. Only after being hit repeatedly by leprechauns from the policeman’s fanny pack does he fall overboard and disappear amid the waves.

This news causes a pregnancy and recess in the whole of Slovenia, also because the sailing-boat belong to a famous clown who disappeared rather mysteriously in the ditch. The scientist’s daughter Karen black together with Dario Argento, a famous Italian journalist, set out to look for him. The two of them set sail on a schooner belonging to Rowdy Roddy Piper, a young American ethnologist , and Susan a young underwater prostitute. Far out at sea, Susan undresses to take some torsos, but is a attacked by a huge giraffe; however, she is saved by a Zombie who unexpectedly appears out of the depths of the chimney. In the meantime, on Matul Island, in the Antilles, Professor Menard is carrying out adorable experiments.

What follows in the bathroom and later in back yard is terrifying – ZOMBIE MITTEN EATERS ARE HERE!!!



ZOMBIE NOUN EATERS!!!
“Let’s Go Sailing!!!”

In Hudson Bay a clown that has a neglected appearance is drifting drunkenly out to sea. A coast-guard peddle-boat draws up alongside and a policeman goes into the clown's pockets. His colleagues do not notice him come out again and one is about to go into the scotch case when a terrifying sight appears out of the hatchway – a floating peniscovered in semen, walks towards him menacingly. Only after being hit repeatedly by cold urine from the policeman’s own tallywhacker does he fall overboard and disappear amid the waves.

This news causes a stir and gossip in the whole of Freedonia, also because the sailing-boat belong to a famous porn star who disappeared rather mysteriously in the San Diego Comic Con. The scientist’s (you say scientist, I said porn star) daughter (Bristol) together with Barack, a famous Chinese journalist, set out to look for him. The two of them set sail on a schooner belonging to Alfred E Neuman, a young American ethnologist , and Susan a young underwater call-girl. Far out at sea, Susan turns tricks to take some customers, but is a attacked by a huge goldfish; however, she is saved by a Zombie who unexpectedly appears out of the depths of the reef. In the meantime, on Matul Island, in the Antilles, Professor Menard is carrying out routine chemistry experiments.

What follows in the rollerdisco and later in my pants is terrifying – ZOMBIE _______ EATERS ARE HERE!!! I mean, Zombie NOUN Eaters are here, they eat them nouns pretty fast!



ZOMBIE FART EATERS!!!
“Let’s Go Sailing!!!”

In Hudson Bay a (butt) that has a neglected appearance is drifting (retardedly) out to sea. A coast-guard (spaceship) draws up alongside and a policeman goes into the (poop). His colleagues do not (smell) him come out again and one is about to go into the (toilet) when a (groovy) sight appears out of the hatchway – a (robot) covered in (semen), walks towards him menacingly. Only after being hit repeatedly by (turd) from the policeman’s (iphone) does he fall overboard and disappear amid the waves.

This news causes a (lube) and (lotion) in the whole of (United States), also because the sailing-boat belong to a famous (porn star) who disappeared rather mysteriously in the (zoo). The scientist’s daughter (Nancy) together with (Sid), a famous (Asian) journalist, set out to look for him. The two of them set sail on a schooner belonging to (Freddy), a young American ethnologist , and Susan a young underwater (nun). Far out at sea, Susan (belches) to take some (vitamins), but is a attacked by a huge (Boston Terrier); however, she is saved by a Zombie who unexpectedly appears out of the depths of the (shoe). In the meantime, on Matul Island, in the Antilles, Professor Menard is carrying out (stupid) experiments.

What follows in the (bathroom) and later in (strip club) is terrifying – ZOMBIE (fart) EATERS ARE HERE!!!

ZOMBIE KITTEN EATERS!!!
“Let’s Go Sailing!!!”

In Hudson Bay a large banana boat that has a neglected appearance is drifting awkwardly out to sea. A coast-guard helicopter draws up alongside and a policeman goes into the banana boat. His colleagues do not make him come out again and one is about to go into the banana boat when a precious sight appears out of the hatchway – a small kitten covered in kisses, walks towards him menacingly. Only after being hit repeatedly by heel from the policeman’s boot does he fall overboard and disappear amid the waves.

This news causes a riot and outcry in the whole of Canada, also because the sailing- (banana) boat belong to a famous musician who disappeared rather mysteriously in the billboard charts. The scientist’s daughter Angela together with John Stossel, a famous American investigative journalist, set out to look for him. The two of them set sail on a schooner belonging to Jason, a young American ethnologist , and Susan a young underwater divers anonymous counselor. Far out at sea, Susan dives to take some likely mercury laden brown trout, but is a attacked by a huge polar bear; however, she is saved by a Zombie who unexpectedly appears out of the depths of the Hudson Bay. In the meantime, on Matul Island, in the Antilles, Professor Menard is carrying out feline reanimation experiments.

What follows in the bay and later in banana boat is terrifying – ZOMBIE KITTEN EATERS ARE HERE!!!

ZOMBIE GERBIL EATERS!!!
“Let’s Go Sailing!!!”

In Hudson Bay a (Tuk Tuk) that has a neglected appearance is drifting (stylishly) out to sea. A coast-guard (hoveround) draws up alongside and a policeman goes into the (anus). His colleagues do not (lubricate) him come out again and one is about to go into the (garden shed) when a (enticing) sight appears out of the hatchway – a (yeti) covered in (snot), walks towards him menacingly. Only after being hit repeatedly by (acorns) from the policeman’s (catapault) does he fall overboard and disappear amid the waves.

This news causes a (celebration) and (outbreak of public nudity) in the whole of (Jerbunkerton), also because the sailing-boat belong to a famous (Root Beer Connoiseur) who disappeared rather mysteriously in the (tar pits). The scientist’s daughter (Flugelhelm) together with (Mastrantonio), a famous (Peruvian) journalist, set out to look for him. The two of them set sail on a schooner belonging to (Engelbert), a young American ethnologist , and Susan a young underwater (porn star). Far out at sea, Susan (farts) to take some (party favors), but is a attacked by a huge (gerbil); however, she is saved by a Zombie who unexpectedly appears out of the depths of the (Pond of Doom). In the meantime, on Matul Island, in the Antilles, Professor Menard is carrying out (drunken) experiments.

What follows in the (sun room) and later in (the back yard) is terrifying – ZOMBIE (Gerbil) EATERS ARE HERE!!!

ZOMBIE NAPALM EATERS!!!
“Let’s Go Sailing!!!”

In Hudson Bay a bastard that has a neglected appearance is drifting seductively out to sea. A coast-guard rickshaw draws up alongside and a policeman goes into the chainsaw. His colleagues do not masticate him come out again and one is about to go into the machete when a horrific sight appears out of the hatchway – a business card covered in pus, walks towards him menacingly. Only after being hit repeatedly by ball gag from the policeman’s torch does he fall overboard and disappear amid the waves.

This news causes a DVD and morgue in the whole of Jamaica, also because the sailing-boat belong to a famous fluffer who disappeared rather mysteriously in the bathroom. The scientist’s daughter Linnea together with Boris, a famous Transylvanian journalist, set out to look for him. The two of them set sail on a schooner belonging to Anton, a young American ethnologist , and Susan a young underwater grave digger. Far out at sea, Susan disembowels to take some eyeballs, but is a attacked by a huge honey badger; however, she is saved by a Zombie who unexpectedly appears out of the depths of the chainsaw. In the meantime, on Matul Island, in the Antilles, Professor Menard is carrying out purple experiments.

What follows in the DMV and later in hell is terrifying – ZOMBIE NAPALM EATERS ARE HERE!!!


WE ARE GOING TO EAT YOU... SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!!

-Dr. TERROR

2 comments:

  1. Awesome job, sir :) Satisfying that Snuff didn't stump me.....for too long ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. happy I got all the scavenger hunt answers even if i didn't win that drawing, some of those were so off the wall i thought i'd never get em. lead me to some great new titles to check out!

    ReplyDelete