LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

INSIDE BROWNING'S BRAIN -Voorhees Vs. Myers: Silent but Deadly




Greetings, True Believers! Dr. Terror has once again allowed me to grace his blog with my words of anti-wisdom. With all the cinematic cat-turd “Verses” flicks out there, like Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies, Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem, Joe Verses the Volcano, Kramer Vs. Kramer, and The People Vs. Larry Flynt, we’ve decided to jump into our imaginary DeLorean and whiz on back to 1986 and make a Verses flick worthy of our short attention spans.


Therefore, Dr. Terror and Yours Truly present - Voorhees Vs. Myers: Silent but Deadly. So, pucker your buttholes and hold on to your lady-parts, WE’RE GOING IN!

All plot holes and inconsistencies aside, here’s how it would all go down.

The events of this film would take place between Halloween 5 & 6 and Friday the 13th parts 6 & 7, chronologically speaking.

Our film opens with quick recaps of Halloween 5 and Friday 6. We see Jamie Lloyd walking through a seemingly empty police station after the Man in black empties the joint and releases Myers from his cell (like Mikey needed the help). We then see Jason Voorhees floating, helpless and pissed, chained to a rock beneath Crystal Lake.



Muffled grunt…Sigh…muffled grunt…
6 months later…

We find that Tommy Jarvis has seemingly buried his fears and Jason Voorhees at the bottom of Crystal Lake. He has taken a job at Smith’s Grove Sanitarium, working with young kids who have suffered great abuse and emotional shock. There he meets Jamie Lloyd (also an employee) and Dr. Loomis and they become fast friends, seeing how they’ve all suffered similar ordeals.

As neither has any family left, Dr. Loomis takes Tommy and Jamie into his home and they form a weird type of family. With so much in common, Jamie and Tommy find themselves in Love. The 3 continue their journey, picking up the pieces of their former lives and trying to build new ones. It seems that all is right with the world…


It has been a particularly dry Fall for Haddonfield and the threat of forest fires has finally become reality. As it happens, some idiot, death-deserving teenagers set a fire accidentally while camping out in Haddonfield National Forest. Only you can prevent fornication fires.

As has been customary in the past, water-scooping planes have been called in from Crystal Lake. Ever heard the Urban Legend about the Char-Broiled Scuba Diver?


With the forest fires quenched, the town of Haddonfield breathes a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, amidst all the Chaos associated with the fires, no one remembers the date. October 31st, Halloween. Little does anyone know what tragedy lies in wait for their little town. It seems Geography is not without a sense of irony. Haddonfield lies directly between the National Forest and Camp Crystal Lake…

As one would expect, Jason Voorhees encounters a pack of Cub Scouts as he travels through Haddonfield National Forest on his journey home. We’ll just say he didn’t get kicked outta the Boy Scouts for eatin’ Brownies.

As night falls over the town, the man in black decides it’s time for Michael to go and destroy his last living family member. As Myers stalks slowly through the streets of this quiet town, undetected and blending in with costumed children, he detects a presence. An entity not unlike himself; a kindred spirit. An enemy that must be destroyed… Jason Voorhees.


The battle of ultimate evil has begun.


When Dr. Loomis learns of the dead Boy Scouts, he assumes the worst and fears Myers has once again returned to Haddonfield. Well, he was half right…


They call the police and inform them of the situation. Thankfully this time, the police actually believe our heroes, due to the town’s history. With Jamie and Tommy by his side, Dr. Loomis begins the hunt.


When they finally catch up to Myers, Tommy sees a ghost from his past.


Our 3 heroes stare in disbelief as Voorhees and Myers demolish the streets of Haddonfield while trying to destroy each other.

Loomis shoots the two terrors 6 times and draws their attention. Myers lays eyes on Jamie and instantly changes course. Voorhees feels he’s not finished with Michael and begins pursuit. Realizing they’ll follow, Jamie leads the whole group into the middle of the Haddonfield High Football Stadium. There Jamie, Tommy and Loomis take cover as an army of state troopers gathered on the bleachers above, attempt to lay waste to the 2 killer psychos below in the center of the field. A storm of bullets graze past and blast through Voorhees and Myers as they struggle to remain standing.

Above the roar of gunfire, Dr. Loomis hears the deafening growl of a Water-Scooping Plane, growing ever closer. To their horror and disbelief, our heroes watch as the plane swoops down to the field and begins shredding policeman who had moved in closer to the killers with its propellers. Jamie gets a glimpse of the pilot, a shadowy figure dressed all in black, and her heart stops. As inexplicably as the killers arrived, their departure was equally mystifying. Our heroes stood in the dust of the chaotic football field, scratching their heads.

Days later, reports surfaced in the Crystal Lake area. Several witnesses claimed they saw a man fall from an airplane with what appeared to be a rock chained around his neck. These reports were never confirmed.

6 months later…

Loomis, Jamie and Tommy plan to prepare for the next onslaught for they obviously know that things won’t stay quiet forever. However, one thing happened they didn’t plan for…


THE END?


ABOUT THE VISUAL ARTIST, FRANK BROWNING:

Born and raised in southern West Virginia, Frank Browning's passion for art developed at a very young age.. He would spend time recreating his favorite images from his beloved Marvel comic books while "Empire Strikes Back" played in the background. He continued to develop his talent throughout high school, then took that talent to college. He graduated from Marshall University in Huntington, West Virginia, with a bachelor's in graphic design.

Frank has a broad range of talent and has designed for the likes of Spencer's, Hot Topic, FYE, HBO, Capcom, Epic Games, DC, Warner Brothers, and Jim Hensen Company, to name a few. Many of his designs can still be found in Spencer's stores today.

Frank currently works for the West Virginia Department of Education and enjoys doing freelance design projects. He loves all things horror, Star Wars, and Marvel, but his favorite thing is spending time with his wife and son.

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