LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Friday, December 7, 2012

CREATE YOUR OWN HORROR-THON: The Homework Assignment from Last Blog on Dead-End Street

A great friend of mine Thomas A Kaye who runs The Last Blog on Dead-End Street put me up to a little pre-Exhumed Films task: To compile my ultimate Horror-thon based on some of the rather loose rules of the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror-thons in the past years. Well the judge got face and the lawyer got famous, but this puppy didn't make it up and it has been sitting around waiting for Nancy's mother to tell you all about how she and the other neighborhood parents killed Fred Krueger.. um... or it was simply waiting to be posted. Now it isn't perfect. It may not actually be the ultimate horror-thon, but one thing is for certain, it contains a rather strange variety of movies in true Exhumed style. I had an amazing time compiling it. Please take a gander, post your own or if you should blog out your own list, send me the link and post below.

Thanks Thomas! Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror-thon 666 Recap and Review in 3-D coming soon!



1.Beloved ClassicThey Live – You have to have fun at a horror-thon, and what’s more fun then They Live. Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David kicking ass, taking names, chewing bubblegum and perhaps going to the store to pick up some more when they run out. It has a very impressive end sequence that features the co-star of any good horror movie, tits.


2. Giant Monster Movie Godzilla 1985 – This was my first experience with Godzilla. Between Dr. Pepper commercials during Creature Feature week as a kid, Godzilla would reign supreme alongside Raymond Burr and the great city of Tokyo. The ending is sad, but beautiful and I always cheer even though I also cry a little. This is a the most emo of the Godzilla’s, maybe too emo for most attendees of a horror-thon of this caliber.


3. Sci-Fi HorrorXtro – I only saw this one recently, but it’s got all the goodies to be a Video Nasty even though it was only unofficially labeled as such. Full size human birth and some other truly funny moments make this a crowd favorite. I like to think of it as the other Deadly Spawn although maybe not quite as funny, the budget seems to be a little higher for Xtro. (POST SCRIPT: They actually showed this one this year! Recap to follow soon). 


4. Horror AnthologyTales from the Crypt – When I saw the Exhumed Films Horror-thon was showing the Vault of Horror a few years ago all I could think was that I would love to see this gem as well. I’d pay to see it separately in a double feature with the original. Hell, I’ll accept any double feature that involves Amicus or an anthology from this period. I can only imagine that the monkey’s paw storyline will come off quite a bit like Death Wheelers did at the most recent Exhumed Films Horror-thon. Get your helmets on!


5. Crazy Feature #1 - Motel Hell – If there was an unofficial theme for this horror-thon that I’m putting it together it would be Places You Can Go Other than Tejas for a Chainsaw fight. It’s a fan favorite. It’s bat shit crazy. Maybe we should hand out beef jerky at the door… maybe…. I guess you’d have to have Vegan jerky as well. Can Vegans eat humans? They aren’t animals after all.


6. Slasher Classic - Tourist Trap – To me, this is the scariest movie ever made (well this and Kingdom of the Spiders but we’re not going to put spiders anywhere near that damn projector). Chuck Connors is a great villain and the one liners in this are priceless. I always consider the opening scene out of place but terrifying.


7. Horror ComedyTeen Wolf – Initially I wanted to put Monster Squad in this slot and part of me still does. I think that Teen Wolf might be just as important to my early horror development and besides, I didn’t want to infringe on the line up the Dryden Theater had in upstate New York many moons ago by showing Monster Squad and one of our later entries in one night (I use the poster from this event as my computer wallpaper).


8. Foreign Horror - Mark of the Devil – Nothing quite like torturing suspect witches with Udo Kier. There were so many movies that would fill this spot. I mean literally I think you couldn’t ask for a harder slot to fill, however ever since my sister gave me a vomit bag from a Mark of the Devil screening I though this was a pretty awesome movie to screen theatrically. Will it compete with Cannibal Holocaust? Nope, but it can try.


9. Weird Kung Fu or Animated Film (went Sword and Sandal) – Conquest – I have been told that is near impossible to find a film print of this, so I’m including this as a challenge. Somebody try and find this so we can screen at my mock dream-horror-thon. Lucio Fulci doing what Fulci does very well. Brightly lit, sword and sandal with outlandish fantastical monsters and a brilliant score. (actually screen December 15th in Philadelphia at the iHouse via Exhumed Films!)


10. Crazy Feature #2Pieces – Both Exhumed Films and the Hudson Horror Show have screened this and yet I still haven’t seen it on the big screen. When I was a kid I fawned over this picture. I still do. I’m still searching for a naked lady jigsaw puzzle to complete my man-thing cave. Goes along with the chainsaw theme.


11. Random Horror Sequel - Sleepaway Camp II – Valerie Hartman’s boobs on the big screen. The end. Also, funny. Also great soundtrack and… if that wasn’t enough, TC with mullet in full force smelling himself. Pit toilet death. Tell me you wouldn’t screen this for a large group of horny males!


12. Unpleasant Romp - Last House on the Left – I’m a fan boy of this film. I love the music and the acting and the revenge. I think it’ll play well to a large group of people and has that awe inspiring presence. It’d be a real treat to screen this along I Spit on Your Grave, but I think that I Spit on Your Grave is a total downer compared to this revenge flick. Maybe you could get away with Ms. 45, but Ms. 45 sucks!


13. "Attack of the ______" Movie - Squirm – It’s just gross. I think if you’re going to screen this one you have to be prepared to launch large bowls of wet spaghetti at people during particular scenes. If you can get a theater to commit to that kind of hijinks then you have found a new home for your horror-thon.


14. "Leave 'em wanting more" Classic - Night of the Creeps – Who doesn’t love Tom Atkins? Thrill me! I’m pretty sure this would thrill anyone and would be an upbeat way to send off a crowd of tired horror-thoners. Let’s make sure we get the alternate ending with the cemetery sequence.

- Dr. TERROR

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