Saturday, January 26, 2013

Video Nasty Update 4.1: More Nasty Than One Update Can Handle

I've had a lot of time on my hands since I stopped watching a pile of shitty new movies this week. I watched The Possession (no relation to the Nasty), The Apparition, Storage 24... I watched a whole lotta "not the fuck worth its". All of this in the name of trying to get an accurate take on the movies of 2012. Well, guess what... None of them made my Top 10 list of 2012. Each one had one or two redeeming qualities but to pay money for them... not to catch them on's like eating a T-Bone when your a Vegan. 

The movies this week were not necessarily the greatest of the Video Nasties and we still have a second update coming Monday. I will say that Frozen Scream surprised and impressed me and Possession was everything that everyone had told me it would be. 

Dorm that Dripped Blood

This is every slasher movie you’ve ever made done on the cheap to make money with moments of real 80’s fun with a majority just beyond enjoyable. The killer isn’t iconic although has a somewhat chaotic memorable performance at the end. No blood dripping from the dorm. I guess I expected walls to bleed. An Amityville man can’t be too careful with this fucking knock off misnomers. I don’t hate this one, but I”m not going to recommend it though Synapse did put out a rather handsome Blu-ray edition within the last couple years.

Frozen Scream

This movie suffers from bad editing. Bad dubbing. It’s the perfect bad movie or at least an accurate representation of why 80’s slasher films could be fun and terrible and completely poorly written but still worth it as a dollar rental. Actors? These can’t be real actors. Script? What’s a Script!? This is like watching a movie written by The Simpson’s own Dr. Nick if Dr. Nick was a screenwriter instead of a surgeon. Great VHS cover. That’s why you pick it up. Maybe don’t watch... sober.

Don’t Go Near the Park

There’s something absolutely surreal about this one. I don’t know if it’s because it has all the makings of a scary movie for children that may as well have been made for Disney but then suddenly includes graphic violence and nudity. Maybe it’s the whole lost kids in the park thing. All I can tell you for certain is that this movie feels wholly out of place on this list because of it. I didn’t enjoy it though I’m glad I got to put another “Don’t” movie under my belt being a huge fan of the Grindhouse faux trailer “Don’t” by Edgar Wright. Not a must see and definitely not the best Don’t film on the Nasty list.

Fight for Your Life

This is on the nasty list for... what? Well I’m sure it’s the graphic murder of a child, attempted and actual rape, nudity and... EXTREME PROFANITY. I can’t say that I’ve seen an older movie that truly captures the outright onslaught of racial slang and insult combined with liberal curse words and all perpetrated by men who, at moments, act like gentlemen or at least speak with a modicum of consideration for the English language. It’s a great moive. It has moments of humor (or at least these moments will be funny now). There’s some witty dialogue and of course... REVENGE. The problem with Fight for Your Life is that the revenge just doesn’t seem to go far enough. You’re waiting for the pay off with a rape/revenge flick. Though the rape is lite that doesn’t change our overall disgust with it or need to have our bloody thirst quenched.


Over 2 hours of raw, strange Cronenberg-esque body horror meets the sexual tension of Hellraiser or maybe just your favorite Libertine romance novel. Sam Neill is a horror God! The effects work is terrifying, unreal, Kafka. The twist is a twister and the music goes from melancholy to morose frame by frame. I will watch this movie again, regret missing it on 35mm and glad I waited until this point in my life to see it. An earlier me may not have appreciated it as much. I might note that this is the “artsiest” of the movies I’ve watched for the Nasty list thus far. Makes me long for the days at Strictly Video when I could watch indie and foreign films alongside Terror on Tape and The Ghostkeeper. Sigh


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