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Thursday, February 28, 2013

Hypothermia: Get Past the Cover Art, Stay For the Creature Feature


You can't judge a book by its cover, but you can totally judge a DVD by its cover right? Or if not its cover than its one sheet... Given the recent de-attention to detail that we've been seeing form some of the horror majors and their desire to copy cover art with minor modifications ad nauseum is getting to make movie rental and purchase a blooming nightmare for those of us who grew up on cover art alone. Not to say that the VHS boom was ever generous to us when it came to getting a good movie based on cover art, but even ifyou didn't get a great movie you had the cover art stuck in your head. It just so happened that something similar has happened to me recently. Cover art for Hypothermia... sucked. Movie... pretty darn good creature feature.

That's not the way I like to start a review of a movie I liked. Not with a diatribe about my feelings on how horror marketing is fucking up our genre. I only bring this up because I was initially deterred from watching it based on the sour cover. Seemed bland. Boring. A bunch of folks staring at a goddamn ice fishing hole. Even if one of those fuckers is Michael Rooker, what the fuck am I looking at? Back of the box yielded an uncreative description embedded with the spoilers that might take all the fun out of watching the movie ergo I didn't read the back of the box. So I have this movie sitting in front of me that now own and no desire to watch solely based on the shit marketing job. Glad I changed my mind.


Hypothermia is a modern creature feature with a creepy little fishman baddie that will put the creature from the black lagoon to shame. I mean we're talking about Island of the Fishmen aka Screamers level costuming only modernized and hidden behind some clever but obvious fast paced camera work. Season with the proper level of deep cutting gore and you've got something worth watching on a very MTV/music video level; it'll keep your attention for as long as there's someone getting ripped to shreds by said creature. If that was all this movie was good for then we wouldn't be talking about it. I'd just be bitching about it on FaceBook and complaining about how shitty the cover box is.


Michael Rooker along with a rather wonderful cast show some heart, comraderie and wholesome family values that are sprinkled with an appropriate amount of completely out of place F bombs and occasionally a moment worthy of a Kleenex (real Kleenex only please). It's enough to carry the whole movie and make you feel sympathetic even about a silly old monster movie.


The only thing that will let you down completely if you can get around the "hidden" creature that is purposely shot to not reveal the shite costume (aren't all rubber monster suit movies this way?) is the ending that let's you off the bus without your damn pants on, a bleeding ass and condom shoved in your mouth. There's simply nothing to it. No closure. In fact, I didn't realize the damn thing ended and had to go back and watch it "not end" again. It's a monster movie. A creature feature. Don't expect great writing. Expect good performances and a creature and some blood and some laughs.


Oh and that cover art that fucking blows... you can switch it for rad, almost-Arrow Video esque cover art that would have had me watching it months ago. Marketeers... get it fucking straight. We want good cover art and we want it now or we're going to stop buying your shit cover art movies even if the plot's great.

-Dr. TERROR

Note: Michael Rooker is more than Merle or Henry. He's great actor. Believe it.

1 comment:

  1. Absolutely one of the worst movies ever..and that creature..dude..The Giant Claw looked better lol I'll give it 2 stars out of 5 only because Michael Rooker was the star.

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