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Friday, April 5, 2013

EVIL DEAD (2013): The Splat Pack Has a New Pledge!!!

Writing a review for the new EVIL DEAD is unimportant. Just go see the movie. It's great. The hype is earned. It's everything I wanted it to be and more, and I think I wanted it to be something truly special. It is something truly special, but just what that something special will be is up to you. I'm not going to spoil anything in this "review" which will read more like a praise piece which it should be. I'll keep specifics to a minimum. I'll let you pay for the ticket and laugh and cringe and enjoy it like I did. I'm not posting the trailer to EVIL DEAD because I don't want it to ruin your expectations. I also am not posting a plot synopsis because if you need one, you're the perfect audience for this movie. Also, no screen shots or stills... they'd either be spoilers at this point or part of the advertising campain I despised.

Let's start off who will not enjoy it.... no one worth talking to.

Moving on. ... Just kidding. There are plenty of folks who are going to troll this thing into the goddamn ground. It's ain't the original movie or the sequel or Army of Darkness. It's a remake. Maybe the best remake you ever did see, but that won't stop people from taking it to the point of pure comparative analysis. That sucks for them because they could be enjoying what should be considered part of the EVIL DEAD canon and not a separate "remake" entity. Is it even a remake? Yeah I mean it is a remake, but it's got enough novelty and creatively to make an argument that it's really just an EVIL DEAD "sequel". As in, EVIL DEAD II is a remake isn't it? I mean that's the way it feels even though it has unique elements and is creatively vary different. Yet it isn't a remake at all and has truly original legacy plot points. Think of the whole thing as a legend and leave it at that for now. Super fan boy, macho purists... enjoy not liking everything cool.

Who else won't enjoy it... you don't like blood and gore? You're squeamish? You can stay home and watch your kitten calendar blow gently against the wall as the forced air heat kicks on because it's still in the 30's here in Jersey. EVIL DEAD is a gory movie. Even though the MPAA (fucks!) had their pretty little way with it when they decided to NC-17 the fucker up, well, it's still got the guts to churn your tummy. That's good news for horror fans and great news for those of us who will promptly be purchasing an un-rated copy when it becomes available. I just ask myself... what did they cut out? What could the possibly have left out? It's a good question when it comes into gore in horror to feel fulfilled in the face of the review board casting a threatening rating on your beloved sure to be genre classic. Oh and hey Splat Pack...you know, Eli Roth and Rob Zombie and James Wan and Robert Rodriguez and Leigh Whannel and Greg McLean and Neil Marshall and Darren Lynn Bousman and Alexandra Aja...  the gory horror greats who have been given the unofficial title of the gurus of gore and guts... you can give Fede Alvarez a call. I think pledge time is over, and he deserves his membership card.

Let's talk about the movie and get away form this negative shit which actually just gave me an excuse to talk about the things that I enjoyed about this movie. Let's talk about the theater experience I just had. At first... whispers. Quite voices telling their respective significant others how scared they were. As the movie progressed cheers and shouting. Yelling at the screen. Obscenities and screams and then clapping and sounds of pain and disgust. Then some folks left the theater. Then some kids in the back row (myself included started to scream at the screen and cheer). By the end of the whole ordeal I was exhausted and delighted. I didn't even mind the cell phone lights tweeting about how much the little bastards loved the movie. Get the word out. Even the fella I sat next to was a bad ass with an awesome Game Boy iPhone case who was absolutely a blast to bullshit with about... HORROR MOVIES. I think people forget that their going to see a horror movie and not Steel Magnolias. I think people forget that it's okay to make out and throw popcorn and yell a bit as long as it's in good fun and keep the energy in the room intense. That's exactly what I got. Our theater was the perfect blend of old and new horror fans, some parents who brought their kids unknowingly to a gore fest and a bunch of date night hotties ready to jump in the back seats of their compact cars as soon as the theater let out. Nothing says great fucking movie like a hand job in the theater and a back seat wrestling match.

Let's get some house cleaining out of the way. We'll do this in a bulleted fashion:

The Players: I wasn't convinced that all of our actors and actresses could hold their own at the onset of the film. I was, in fact, waiting for them to give some shit performances that left me pissed off. If there was anywhere this movie was going to fail it would be the acting. Slow start, but most of the players picked it up nicely including our final guy/girl and our stereotyped characters subtley hidden to great effect (which reminded me a lot of my favorite film of 2012, Cabin in the Woods... how ironic). The comedic elements of earlier entries in the series are not lost on this installment with enough one-liners to go around and delivered on point.

The Scare: Plenty to jump at, but the jump scares were not the forced drab jump scares that are "unearned". When EVIL DEAD turns it on, it's on for the conitinuum of the movie. You'll know when it "turns on". You'll be itching to get out of your damn seat, clawing at your significant other and ready to  take all of your clothes off to take a well deserved shower. Sweat it up. Enjoy the tension, but don't expect some Brian DePalma/Hitchcock builds. This is  HORROR FILM. Not a Psychological Thriller.

The B(lood) & G(ore): Yes PLEASE! Plenty of it. Beautiful and abounding. I was afraid it would be absent. It was not. The MPAA can't kill EVIL DEAD. The blood and gore are varied. The blood itself in texture and color are varied. I love the variation. There were moments where I want to strangle the creators of CGI, but they were few and far between. Considering the use of CGI infuriates me mostly this shouldn't surprise you. What might make you practical boys and gals happy is that one of my fears was the overuse of computer graphics which I felt were kept in check. Balanced. Some serious nods to the Exorcist in make up design, effect work and a few short sequences. Favorite gore and blood sequence is a well documented and talked about scene from the original film. You know the one. That's all I'm saying about that.

The Ta’s: Hotties but I'm afraid not. This is not a boobie flick. Evil Dead really never was a boobie movie with some exceptions. It wasn't really necessary, and for me to say that the lack of nudity in a film is acceptable... well that means everything else was in the correct proportions.

The Family Plot: You know the story. It's a remake, right? Better get used to not knowing everything because this remake takes some twists and turns you'll enjoy, keeping the story fresh, modern and creative.

The Finish: FUCKING BRILLIANT. Inspired crowd applause and yelling and cheering. That's all you need know. Stick around through the end of the credits too. Very important for the fans.

The Art: The advertising and artwork for this movie have pissed me off to no end. The marketeers didn't capture me. The movie did, and the fans did. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be but I want my pretty poster too. The overall aesthetic of the movie and the cabin and the feel of the movie, spot on.

The Scope: I hope that this remake is what the rumor mill says it is supposed to be: a jumping off point for more EVIL DEAD movies. I hope that we get movies like this each year for a couple years, and maybe some Bruce Campbell flicks as well. This will most likely be the movie that turns some fans into believers. Yes, you can remake a movie and do it properly. Also this should shut folks up for awhile who keep asking about when the NEXT EVIL DEAD movie is coming out though I would imagine it might not and Bruce and Sam might be getting more questions like that than ever before.

To wrap up... I will be purchasing this movie when it hits Blu-ray and will try to see it a second time in the theater if it is even remotely possible. It seldom is, but I would truly like to. I encourage you to see the movie. To ignore any further reviews and just go buy a ticket. Make sure you remember that you're at a HORROR movie. You're allowed to have fun. You yell on rollercoasters right? Show some cinema spirit and get in touch with your inner scream queen. This was more than I expected and a bargain at the current ticket price. Seeing it opening night was perfect and I hope it beats up on Jurassic Park 3-D for it's opening weekend. I'm not sure what chance it has given the subject matter, R rating and level of gore. 

I listened to Beyond the Pit, a death metal radio station all the way home. I drank a Red Bull and a Diet Mountain Dew. After watching EVIL DEAD in the theater and with all those factors in mind you ask me what I wanna do now? 

I WANNA FUCK! Hope you do to.

-Dr. TERROR

Note: The trailers for The Conjuring and You're Next and Carrie before the movie were ideal and really got me in the mood. Carrie's got something, but the trailer is one long spoiler so avoid it. What brilliant trailers they were though. Seeing them on the big screen is a completely different experience than watching them on YouTube. I am very excited for these two movies. See you there.





1 comment:

  1. Glad I'm not the only one who felt a good lay was necessary after the delightful splatterfest that I just witnessed. I loved it.

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