Wednesday, April 10, 2013


  Halloween is great. I love Halloween. I celebrate it like some people celebrate Christmas. You know what I mean. Buy presents, decorate early, send out Christmas cards, sing Yuletide carols while trying to get laid, lie to your kids about Santa Claus… only the Halloween equivalent. While the traditions that I associate with this season and holiday haven’t changed all that much over the years a few notable amendments have come to light.

  1. I participate in a horror marathoning competition known as the HALLOWEEN HORROR MOVIE MARATHON MADNESS. Last year, second place. This year, judge whose team won and thus I get to help plan out some of the finer points of next year’s event (a task that makes me just a little wet thinking about it).
  2. I have kids now. I actually get to go Trick or Treating again. I dress up again and not to get drunk at party (I no longer drink so my celebration of pumpkin beers has gone by the wayside).
  3. I blog. Like. A. Motherfucker. This year was a bit less. It had to be due to previous obligations as horror marathon judge and short staffed at work. Next year I will return with a 31 day blog-a-thon and of course, DR. TERROR’S 3-D HALLOWEEN. Couldn't finance the fucker this year. Next year. Promise. You’ll love it.

And the last real change to my Halloween tradition… the big one (the reason I’m writing this entry today) is because Halloween has been replaced as the most important date of the season. …


While I do not pretend the Halloween has become insignificant as a date (I still have anxiety dreams that I don’t have a costume for October 31st), the thing I look forward to the most is sitting in a stinky theater with a bunch of bearded men and nerd girls watching the strange and unusual movies of generations passed. I love to recap it. I love to read recaps about it. I love to read old recaps about it. I love it. The veil between the dork-verse and really real world becomes thin… celluloid thin.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror-thon, please enjoy the following from the gang of four Exhumed Films members below (the Four of the Apocalypse that Lucio ws :

To celebrate the joyous Halloween season—and our 15th anniversary!--Exhumed Films proudly presents the sixth annual 24 Hour Horror-thon: a full 24 hour marathon of nonstop horror mayhem! We'll start at noon on Saturday and go straight through until noon on Sunday. As always, the lineup of films is being kept secret--people who come to the show will only find out what the features are as they unspool onto the screen. The show will be a combination of some of the biggest horror titles of the last 30 years or so mixed with some really rare gems. Plus we'll run tons of classic trailers, shorts, and other oddities. Can you stay awake for the entire 24 hours? Who will survive, and what will be left of them? Be here on October 27th to find out

This year being the 6th 24 Hour Festival the poster and naming convention revolved around the number of the beast… 666. “The Devil Made Them Do It…”  It was also their fifteenth anniversary of screening cult, horror and sci-fi films on the big screen. Thus they showed FIFTEEN MOVIES!!! Looking back I really should have worn my Fifteen, Satan Owns You Hoody… Think I may have donated it to charity though. Wonder who got that one!

I’ll be honest; this was not my favorite year. This was a great year, but some of the later movies threw me off. Not as many classics from my childhood. I didn’t laugh at Night of 1000 Cats like so many even though I want to snuggle Hugo Stiglitz and all his facial hair (doesn’t he look like Alf). Maybe it was that this year I had a little baby at home and actually… kinda… sorta… missed her lots. I’m a total mush. Seeing movies like The Gate and Xtro on the big screen still amaze me. I still can’t believe I was there for that. Also, I finally got to see The Hidden. Also Q: The Winged Serpent should ONLY be viewed in 35mm going forward. So impressive.  I was happy to pick up a Part 666 poster, a set of buttons and a copy of 555 on DVD. Also thrilled to try Spot Burger. Holy Shit Philadelphia! You are some lucky carnivores! The vendors of food and swag were perfect. Only regret: Not spending more time at Lunchmeat VHS. My bad.

I’m getting a late start on my recap this year due to Hurricane Sandy. Enough has been said about that and my own problems as a result of it were nowhere near as nasty as what befell so many others. I have no right to complain, but it is an explanation as to why I haven’t been able to write (no power, in-laws staying with us etc). And that’s the reason you’re going to get this now. The motherfuckin’ show must go motherfuckin’ on.

As has become the tradition, below is a 3-D offering of the films shown at the Exhumed Horror-thon. If you need a pair of glasses email your address HERE. I have older ones left though not the bad ass one’s I was engineering for this year’s Dr. TERROR’s 3-D Halloween Part II. I create all of these images myself spending hours with red and cyan glasses on my head, burning out my eyes. When I take those things off after creating these images the entire world looks like it’s a 3-D fucking movie. Kind of imagine the movie The Man with the X-Ray Eyes. Like that. Only 3-D.  It’s nice until you go to sleep, close your eyes and your vision is still emblazoned with two colors. Occupational hazard I suppose. If rose colored glasses are a way to carelessly view the world, wonder what 3-D means metaphorically speaking… violence and serenity (red and blue respectively).

Here are some helpful hints on how to view the images below:

Here are your instructions for optimal viewing:
Some tips for viewing before you peruse this gallery:
1. Viewing distance is best from just around two feet from your computer screen.
2. The room you are in should be dark.
3. Double click the image to enlarge it. This might take you out of the browser or into a new tab, but, for the most part, the larger the image the better the 3D effect will work.
4. If you are getting some doubling effects try to adjust your eyes. It's also possible that we have different size heads and different facial measurements. Everyone's a unique snowflake.Also try moving closer and farther away from the screen to simulate motion. Some 3D effects are more subtle than others.
5. Have fun. Show your friends. Get grossed out. Vomit frequently to avoid fainting.

Remember to use anaglyphic 3-D glasses... Blue/Cyan over the right eye. Red over the left eye.

Here are the links to our previous efforts in three horrifying dimensions:


Now on with the motherfuckin’ show. We’re going to run through this including hints from the program and images in three TERRIFYING dimensions.


Announcements: These started early and I’ll be damned if they didn’t give away everything including but not limited to the kitchen fucking sink. The Exhumed Films bumper (the highlight of any show) had problems AGAIN. Glad I got to see the whole thing this time. It really means a lot to me.

Trailer reels in between films were highly varied from horror to fantasy to action. This year the seemed to abandon some of the short films and no morning breakfast cartoons. I actually missed this, but I loved having Honey Smacks for breakfast.

  1. The Gate – an appropriately demonic movie to kick off Horror-thon Part 666. – The Gate has been a favorite of mine since I was a kid. Yes, I was always scared of workers sealed into the walls of my home too. Gotta love those urban legends. Some of the best effects work ever… yes… EVER. Hopefully we’ll see Alex Winter’s 3-D version of this some day. Settle for 3-D images provided by the Doc for now.

  1. Q The Winged Serpent- Giant monster movie, though not necessarily the type you might expect –  I love David Carradine in this and Michael Moriarty (of Troll fame) is hilarious. It’s the perfect horror-thon movie. Samual Z. Arkoff, you’re my hero.

  1. Driller Killer – sleazy 70’s psychotic/sorta slasher cinema – Why you do this to me, Demmy? I have never liked Driller Killer. The only thing good about this movie is the funky, punk soundtrack offered by the Dirt Bomb esque band practicing for what seems like for fuck ever!

  1. Xtro – well regarded, nasty little horror/sci-fi oddity – First time watching this movie was only a few months ago, but I fell in love. Full human birth? Check. Video Nasty? Check. The au pair… hot… and… :WINK WINK: NAKED!!!  This movie just about made my night.

Also, The Captured Bird short film was shown during this slot. Not my favorite short but absolutely gorgeous. The strange creatures remind me of the aliens from Independence Day.

  1. Halloween III: Season of the Witch – One of the most divisive horror films of all time – wait for the title screen, then either sit back and enjoy or take the opportunity to catch some dinner – Remember how I said that Xtro just about made my night? Well it was actually this movie that made my night. I had missed seeing it in 35mm at the Colonial Theater just a few weeks earlier and I was near heartbroken. Nice makeup movie! Even more amazing on 35mm than it is on Blu-ray (sorry Scream Factory).

  1. Suspiria – Euro-Horror classic – Seeing this movie on the big screen fulfilled a dream of mine. Stil… I hadn’t seen it in years and while it was gorgeous it was kinda… well… sorta… boring… when it pops it fucking explodes though and the crowd loved it and I totally forgot about the raining maggots. Argento, you so funny.

  1. CHUD - Cannibal movie, though not necessarily the type you might expect – I know why the guys at Exhumed Films would show this. It’s a total fan favorite. People love this bad bad movie. Only problem is that it’s waaaaaaaay too long. At least it feels that way. Just drags on forever.  Thomas Bryce and I had a great, hour long conversation about just about everything during this movie.

  1. Night of 1000 Cats – Bizzaro horror/exploitation rarity directed by an infamous foreign filmmaker; screened herein an extended cut never before seen on video or DVD – Now everyone said this was the movie of the night, but it just didn’t do it for me. I mean, yes, Stiglitz is a total dream boat, hottie, mcfuck wagon, but I just couldn’t get into it. Even as the audience laughed I wasn’t. I think I was hoping for something different, but I have no idea what that different something even could have been.

  1. Vampires' Night Orgy – Sexy vampires having sexy sex – What a fucking misnomer! Still, I enjoyed this movie. Grungy little vamp in the hills flick with unsuspecting horny men getting killed. Had an almost Antrhopophagus with vampires feel.

  1. The Hidden – Fun, underrated sci-fi/action movie – ALWAYS wanted to see this and even have a copy at home. Just never watched it. Nice blend of action and horror for the early morning hours. Best. Opening. Sequence. Ever.

  1. Little Red Riding Hood and Tom Thumb vs. The Monsters – A wonderful movie for children, provided that the children all fucked up on LSD – I love the masks, but Mexican kids movies don’t really get me laughing anymore. Remember Santa Claus? After you’ve seen that well… it takes a lot. The musical numbers were quite humorous and I’m glad to have seen something this fucking weird. I took some Zzzz’s during this one. Should have taken some drugs.

  1. Son of Blob – loopy, surreal sequel to a bona fide horror classic – One of my all time favorite movies. My dad and I loved this one when I was a kid, but I don’t think the audience “got it”. I had also watched it about two months earlier which kinda destroyed the nostalgia factor.

  1. Incredible Melting Man – Schlocky, “special effectsploitation” film that’s really just an update of the 1950’s style monster movie – This movie makes me fall asleep even after a cup of espresso. I actually left at this point because I was totally beat and aforementioned mushy Dr. Jimbo showed up. I totally missed me little girl. Rick Baker couldn’t keep me in the seat.

  1. Humongous – Slasher movie that was a staple of late-night HBO programming in the early 80’s – I didn’t stay for this, but I don’t like this one all that much. Never have. I may rewatch this and try to figure out why everyone LOVES this one. It does have a nice poster.

  1. Dr. Butcher M.D. – Zombie movie that is ridiculously stupid, shamelessly derivative and totally trashy… which is why we love it so much.  – Saw this on 35mm at Hudson Horror Show a couple years back so when I was convinced that I guessed it right earlier, there was little reason to stay. Love the movie. Love it! Good way to end the whole thing, but I was hoping for something else. Something Italian of course, but maybe Zombie or The Beyond or City of the Living Dead… Burial Ground even…

Also check out my good friends Shit Movie Fest and Last Blog on Dead-End of the Street’s recaps of this year’s Horror-thon below (Thomas from Last Blog and I sat together during the fest with his rabble of rad friendies). I love hanging out with these fellas.

Thank you Exhumed Films for keeping up this grand tradition and for being a part of my Halloween season. You truly bring dead things to life.


Note: I tried my first puff off an electronic cigarette. Thanks Tiff. Fantastic! Wish I didn’t quit smoking.

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