Wednesday, July 17, 2013

ITALIAN HORROR WEEK: DON'T Look in the Attic (or directly at this movie).

Contributer Eric Polk of Dollar Bin Horror Radio made an excellent Late Late Show Contribution to Italian Horror Week, has assisted in its promotion via his podcast and even had me on his show once or twice. We're glad to have him back, but if you watch Don't Look in the Attic after reading his review, I'll be surprised as all Giallo.
To begin, I love, love, love Italian Horror. It is one of my two favorite sub-genres in the gruesome world of horror. I see these films as a beautiful paintings brushed by the gifted hands of filmmakers such as Argento and Fulci. However, for every Van Gogh and Da Vinci you see, there is always that scribble of black lines drawn by the inattentive kindergartner who refused to take their nap. Don't Look in the Attic is a perfect example of the latter metaphor.
In the mid-70s to early-80s, there were a stream of horror films warning us to don't do something...Don't Go in the Basement, Don't Go in the Woods....Alone, Don't Go In The House so the Italians being how they are in the realm of film had to jump on this potential license to print liras with their inherited haunted mansion film Don't Look in the Attic.Carlo Ausino was charged with spinning sparkling gold and instead turned it into 90 minutes of anger-induced crap!

The plot: In Turin, three relatives-two brothers and their cousin Elisa (who haven't seen each other since childhood)- are brought together after their mother's death. Elisa might have wanted to plug a hole in the bucket instead but I digress. They inherit her house under the condition that they live there together and never divide or sell the property. It's haunted and after many ghostly nightmares and some murders, Elisa finds a diary in the attic, learning that she is the sole survivor of "the seventh damned generation." In an interesting side note, the supergroup Asia released a song called "Sole Survivor" around this time...unrelated to this review but far more intriguing.


So why am I ripping this? Oh, the flaws, the flaws.

1. This movie was edited by someone who has as much talent editing as I do singing(I can't sing).

2. The dubbing...oh lord...Godzilla v. (Pick your favorite opponent) was synced better.

3. When it came to make up, the phrase 'cost effective' was a bad term. Blood caps? WTF? This is a horror movie(allegedly).

4.The movie's dvd has such a pisspoor transfer quality that I suspected its distributors were working out of a boiler room. Now don't get me wrong,. I love low-budget horror films, seriously I do. But Don't Look in the Attic makes Dr. Giggles look like original Dawn of the Dead in terms of quality.

5. There were so many unintentionally funny moments in this film, that I unlocked my inner-Mystery Science Theatre 3000, firing zinger after zinger at the screen. Ex. It's Charlie's Angels go to Italy, tonight on ABC!!!

Now don't get me wrong, Reaplings. I love low-budget horror films, seriously I do. But Don't Look in the Attic makes Dr. Giggleslook like original Dawn of the Dead!

Before I sign off, I want to thank Mr. Dr. Terror himself, James Harris, for letting be a part of this wonderful experience and I hope his stomach isn't wrenched from this review!

NOTE FROM MR. DR. JIMMY TERROR: 1. I love when I'm referred to as Mr. Dr. 2. I think it's appropriate to include the faux trailer from the movie Grindhouse, Don't from Edgar Wright. Because World's End is coming and because it fits so gosh darn good.

ERIC POLK writes for Dollar Bin Horror and hosts Dollar Bin Horror Radio the mission of which is to give the horror fans what they want on a budget. 

Check out their FaceBook page HERE and Dollar Bin Horror Radio HERE. You can find Dollar Bin Horror HERE

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