Thursday, July 18, 2013

ITALIAN HORROR WEEK - New York Ripper A Rip Off? Keep the Brews Handy.

Thomas A K is family. When you get to spend time with a genuine, positive guy like Thomas at a 24 Hour Horror-thon, you feel good afterward. Great conversation, interesting opinions and well spoken and lover of horror. He's good people, and he's writing about a baddy bad movie. One of the notorious ones. One that goes quack in the night.

It's Italian Horror Week!

When the good Dr. Terror asked me to do a piece for this momentous event, I had no idea what to write about. I mean, anyone who knows anything about horror already has all the info they need on Zombie, House by the Cemetery, Nightmare City, and numerous other titles.

I decided that I needed to watch and review a lesser-seen Italian Horror joint. After scanning Netflix and my own movie collection, I decided on what is commonly known as Lucio Fulci's nastiest nasty: The New York Ripper.

This movie seems like it's right up my alley: set and filmed in gritty/sleazy 1980s New York City, which is probably my favorite set-up for any film. Little did I know that I was in for a pretty dull slasher experience.

The film opens under the Brooklyn Bridge, as we watch as a man plays fetch with his Golden Retriever. On the 2nd throw, the dog retrieves something other than a stick: A Monkey's Paw! Make a wish!(no it was a rotted human hand, but that's what I thought at first) We continue to what would become my favorite part of the film: opening credits with inappropriate '80s style tv drama music! Sadly, it was all downhill from there.

l honestly have no idea what to do with this movie. lt was terrible. The death scenes were entertaining enough, but the "story" in between deaths just dragged on and on.

One woman was slashed to death in a car on the Staten lsland Ferry, and another girl was disturbingly slashed to death with a razor-blade. The best death in the whole film was a stripper getting stabbed to death in her "lady-parts" with a broken wine bottle. Class.

Probably the hardest part to sit through was the "toe fucking" scene that comes outta nowhere and is never explained why we were forced to watch after it ends.

The most infamous scene is the above mentioned "razor" sequence, where the killer cuts through a woman's erect nipple. That was bad, but for me, the eye-slicing was the worst part.

Any chance of this movie being scary is thrown out the window by a killer THAT QUACKS.

I hated this movie. I mean, it's worth watching with a few buddies for some drunken laughs because of a few ridiculous scenes and a quacking killer, but other than that, this is a completely skippable waste of time.


Thomas is the creator of The Last Blog on Dead-End Street. I first found him during my own recap of the Exhumed 24 Hour Horror-thon a couple years back while checking out what other folks had to say about it. Then we met in person, hung out at the next fest and have been in close contact since. 

Make sure to check out his blog HERE though he's been on a bit of hiatus lately. Great content. 


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