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Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Telelphone Book (1971) (Vinegar Syndrome)

How exactly do you end up picking up a Blu-ray that has a handset from an archaic, chorded telephone set to look like a giant, white pair of cock and balls? You must be looking for porn right? That's why people buy movies with lewd-ish covers that play fantasies with pubescent boys' emotions. To get off.  Even holding the damn thing I felt like a kid in an adult novelty store (believe me I used to work at one) trying to figure out if the clerk would let me buy it or if the motherfucker would card me. That's how I feel any time I seem to hold a Vinegar Syndrome disc or at least a number of them. Massage Parlor Murders. The Lost HG Lewis movies. The Telephone Book, and that's the one set off with a bright baby blue cover, that has me titillated and excited and NOT LIKE THAT (not that I'll tell you).

Guys, in general, I don't review porn for this site. It's a horror site, but every once in awhile I like to spread my legs. Live a little. Try to culture ya'll. The Telephone Book is not a porn movie. It's an art picture with an intriguing story, comic notes that most modern film could take note from, some amazing performances, a stunning, Black and White contrast fest and a movie that pretty much runs the gamut from perve to perfection. It's clearly an adult feature, but when's the last time you saw a movie about cranking calling that didn't involve Margot Kidder's gorgeous breasts being strewn about a sorority house?

Synopsis (from VS):

The Telephone Book tells the story of Alice, a sex obsessed hippie who falls in love with the world's greatest obscene phone caller and embarks on a quest to find him.


That's where I'll leave it. Alice goes on all sorts of kinky adventures but still presenting a sense of naivete and wisdom that seems jarring. How can someone so young be so oblivious but still have her wits about her and street out-smart the entire city? She's a fascinating character; one who demands a study by someone who write scholarly things (you pick). By the end of the film you'll either be in love, disgusted or simply turned on. I was turned on. That's all I'm giving away... save the dirty bits for your own mind's eye. It's not even a smut picture. It's intellectual. It's like reading Playboy, reading the articles and then actually being able to discuss them intelligently, but doing so with a bottle of vaseline in one hand and a sock in another. Filthy. Smart. Dirty. Beautiful (note that I didn't say gorgeous for obvious or not so obvious reasons).


Fans of film. Students of film. Folks who love the movies of Richard Kern or the NYC Underground... this is your movie. It's a good jumping off point for the newbie or a film to revisit from a film snob. The release is clean and crystal and is a great way to demonstrate just how amazing Black and White Blu-ray can look.

Features include Radio Spots, Stills, Trailers, and Audio Commentary by the Producer.

Full Specs:

Features Include:
+ Blu-Ray/DVD Combo Pack | Region Free | 1.85:1 AR | MONO
+ Restored in 2K from a 35mm archival print
+ Commentary track by Producer Merv Bloch
+ Two theatrical trailers
+ Radio spots
+ Still gallery

Make sure to enjoy this Nelson Lyon picture. Maybe make a phone call or two. Don't get caught.

Pick it up from DiabolikDVD HERE, and check out the rest of the ever growing Vinegar Syndrome line HERE.

-Dr. TERROR

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