LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Friday, August 16, 2013

BoardingHouse 30 Anniversary Edition from Slasher Video - The Bad Movie with the 80's Boobs

This isn't a full on review of the product fo 1982's BoardingHouse, the cult classic Shot-On-Video, Z grade boobie and blood fest. I just want to offer some impression after watching nearly two and half hours of a movie that is downright bad... and of course by bad I mean a fuckload of fun. I encourage the true believers, those with expert witness credentials in the art of BoardingHouse to come forth and offer testimony on the film.

First off, I got to watch this on a rare 35mm print at an Exhumed 24 Hour Horror-thon a few years back. The crowd laughed from start to finish, and I'm still not sure if I enjoyed this film or Raw Force better, but both movies left an impression on the audience. It's borderline softcore horror porn, and it's from 1982 which means it has all the hallmarks of a Ginger Lynn flick without the double penetration, new wave music. It also has some creative kills that are laughable and might make even H.G. Lewis cringe. Yeah, exhumed this is a bat shit crazy movie. As bat shit as you told us it would be. We had been warned. There's a mixtape that circulates made especially for attendees of the 24 Hour Horror-thons called My Bloody Mixtape that features a quote from Boardinghouse (along with a smorgasbord of quotes and songs from popular films screened at Exhumed Films features). Make sure you locate it, and memorize the quote in question. Let me know when you find it.


So I watched BoardingHouse in two parts. I fell alseep the first time after a late night playing bass at a friends party, and it just couldn't hold my attention. Watching BoardingHouse at 2am, alone, not drunk or stoned or whatever it is the kids do these days can be tricky. It's a quiet movie, and with all that added footage your grasping for a cohesive plot. It's like diluting your vodka with Pedialite. Good for hangovers. Bad for drunk.



Synopsis form the back cover:

Jim Royce inherits a large home, then decides to turn it into a BoardingHouse full of beautiful young girls. Soon enough, death and mayhem ensure. Phantoms, Telekinesis, 33 1/3, and The Gardner await you at the BOARDINGHOUSE.


My personal favorite part of BoardingHouse? The computerized police report blotter that details on the events and randomly appears throughout the movie but most notably in the beginning and end. It feels absolutely non-sequitur, and sets a nice tone for the movie (cheese and camp and bad will curse all ye who enter here). At times incomprehensible, other times you're really looking at the only thing that might potentially connect the dots between strange transitions, a lack of dialogue and naked bodies. The fact that Slasher Video imitates this computer screen in their menu is genius. I laughed as hard at the menu screen as I did during the movie proper.

Now there's been some criticism that this version is more compressed than the Code Red release. I ask you this? We're talking about a beta tape release that is being transitioned to DVD. What new thing will you gain from a release with any higher quality. You get what you get and you don't get upset. This is a two and half hour movie. The disc has commentary and music videos and Q&A's, still galleries of all kinds. A true fan disc. Let's not worry about quality too much. It's not entirely clear our filmmakers were all that concerned either.

I'm fascinated by the inclusion of music videos for "Stop Fooling Around", "Love Starved" and "Break It Off". This is the kind of feature I hope to expect on a release of Radioactive Dreams someday. You've got Demo reels, an original film intro, commentary, an alternate ending and a pile of interviews from various sources.

Remember you don't need glasses, you need a strong heart. IT'S IN HORROR VISION! This movie has more gimmicks and taglines on the cover than most movies you'll find on your daddy's shelf. This game is brilliant for drinking or smoking games, masturbation and easing bouts of depression. Not good for curing migraines. Not good for stimulating you intellectually (only physically). May release your bowels... not with fright though. Enjoy the strange computer glob phantoms and the chainsaws that come out you from absolutely nowhere! Enjoy bikini underwear on both sexes.

Make sure you visit WWW.SLASHERVIDEO.COM to see what they do, and how they do it. Pick up BoardingHouse from DiabolikDVD HERE. These are the same guys who run Exhumed Films and the horror-thon that brought me to BoardingHouse.

It's limited to 1000 copies!

-Dr. TERROR

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