The Wish Book is a fond memory for me, one that I don’t believe children have the luxury to explore. Sears’ phonebook of toys and gifts has turned into electronic Amazon wish lists and circulars for Black Friday sales that start on Thanksgiving. It’s a pity, but it was fun while it last and in the interest of conserving paper I guess we won’t print up this here Wish Book either. That damn toy catalog may be one of the few reasons I dislike the slogan, “Go Green”, but let’s given the old Wish Book one more go. This time, it’s more of a focused effort. This time the Wish Book is related to a classic piece of horror cinema directed by Santa's helper himself, Bob Clark. This year we bring you the Black Christmas Edition of the Wish Book from 1974.
About this little movie Black Christmas (you should already know all of this, horror people!). It's one of the earliest Christmas horror movies not focusing on Santa himself, but rather surrounding a sorority under attack by a lewd prank phone caller who has seemingly infilitrated their house and is picking the lovely coeds off methodically using exceptionally amusing, slasher-like kill methods. It's widely considered to be the first if not one of the first slasher pictures. Directed by Bob Clark (director of A Christmas Story), Black Christmas is a piece of horror gone amazingly right with stunning visuals, an avant-garde creepfest of a score from Carl Zittrer and starring John Saxon, Keir Dullea, Olive Hussey and Margot Kidder.
Please enjoy the Black Christmas Edition of the Wish Book from 1974.
“Give your voice to the ones you love this Christmas season. This green, rotary telephone is perfect for talking to your boyfriend about how he knocked you up or letting him know that you love him enough to fuck him, but not enough to spend the rest of your life with him. It can be a great way to break the news and let him know that you’re not “keeping it;, you have goals. It also doubles as a way to detect homicidal maniacs in your home or receiving psychotic, lewd phone calls”.
SILENT NIGHT ALBUM
DRY CLEANER GIFT CERTIFICATE
PI KAPPA SIGMA PLEDGE PIN
Do not wear on your uniform.
BYE BABY BUNTING NEEDLEPOINT FRAMED
“Nothing says “don’t abort my baby” like a needlepoint and framed copy of the classic nursery rhyme By Baby Bunting… accept maybe a good ol’ fashion prank call where you threaten murder and create complete disorientation and subterfuge using the classic nursery rhyme in the creepiest way possible. You can hang it over your bed when you fall asleep after you’ve “killed the killer””.
BLACK CHOKER – YES
ITALIAN SWISS COLONY STRAIGHT SHERRY (include Hidey Hole Book)
If you have to steal a sip every now and again, make sure it’s Italian Swiss Colony. If you don’t like sherry, you won’t remember that by the end of the movie as long as you drink every time someone takes a phone call, says Hello, says pig cunt or when a law enforcement officer does something intentionally funny. Christmas spirits are the perfect Christmas gifts. You can regift them, drink them yourself or forget that you didn’t get what you wanted anyway. Your liver will thank you even if the sorority girls in your house don’t. Easy to hide. Comes with optional book hiding spot and string for easy toilet bowl adornment”.
Pick up a bottle HERE.
A PIG (ALL PARTS INCLUDED)
This concludes our Shitmas offering of the Black Christmas Wish Book for 1974. We certainly hope you’ve found the perfect gift for your loved ones and have visited with this Bob Clark classic Christmas tale in a completely unholy, irreverent way.
Note that for a last minute stocking stuff you might consider a dictionary... just in case you don't know what "fellatio" means. Get this one for the deputy who can't do anything right or if John Saxon is about to assault you.
Originally posted for SHITMAS at Shit Movie Fest.