LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Beast in Space - Italian XXX Man-Beast Love Orgy Beyond the Stars

What possesses me to watch a space disco, sex fest with loads of strange effects?  The fact that it’s a triple X rated feature? Maybe it’s that Sirpa Lane is the star (Shipra Lane to her friends or at least credited for this movie). I suppose I’ll try to enjoy anything Italian. That includes movies called The Beast in Space. I can’t turn it down. Out of all the trash movies I’ve watched, this one certainly excels at peeling back the clothes and letting the viewer know just why the movie was made: To get asses in the seats by showing asses on the screen. What you’ll truly find amusing about a movie like The Beast in Space is its unmistakable comedic element that is clearly intentional. No one is meant to take a strange faux-dicked monster serious save its victim/lover.

Synopsis from Diabolik DVD (or really just an historical summary):

In 1975, European sex symbol Sirpa Lane shocked the world with her performance as a maiden defiled by a ferociously aroused animal in the erotic classic THE BEAST. Five years later, the beautiful-but-doomed actress would plummet from arthouse to grindhouse in this insanely unofficial outer space ‘sequel’ packed with rampant sex, cheezy effects, barnyard passions and yet another graphic ravaging by a hugely-endowed man-beast. Marina Hedman (SATAN’S BABY DOLL) and Venantino Venantini (BLACK EMANUELLE) co-star in this jaw-dropping intergalactic epic that combines the immortal ‘80s Italian genres of sleazy sci-fi and depraved sexual saga, now presented in the ultra-rare XXX version mastered from the only known print in existance!!


I watched the XXX version, and the infamous Outrageous Otherworldly Beast Climax extra scene, and it really wasn’t my favorite hardcore movie. Just because something has a rating and because there’s a little penetration doesn’t mean it deserves the almighty triple threat. That of course comes from a reviewer who lives in a puerno dispensary age where you can get a crooked shot at an open wide crotch on your box of Cornflakes if you look at Tony the Tiger’s face just right. This isn’t for the devious wackers or the trench coat wearers. Maybe it was in years past, but since then we’ve seen this done better. Even low budget efforts like The Disco Exorcist or the Xanadu inspired Planet Mirrorball teaser short from Midnight Show take the new age disco genre movie to better places.

The acting is atrocious which is one of the best reasons to enjoy this picture. If it had any quality to it at all, any production value whatsoever you might as well decide to skip it but don’t let the rating scare you away. This is a sensual love fest not a raunchy penetration film. I’d like to think of it in a strange way a move that predates many of the successful sexy comedies of the early 80’s (The Beast in Space came out in 1980).  Sirpa Lane lives up in appearance only as the star of the film. She’s a beauty; Not a beast.  She also starred in 1975’s The Beast directed by Walerian Browczyk which is very unrelated to this space epic no matter what web is being spun and what marketing campaign you want to jump on. Other works include Nazi Love Camp 27, a true naziploitation classic. Perhaps the perfect actress for this role especially given its Italian origin (remember that Al Bradley is Alfonso Brescia creator of Star Odyssey, Iron Warrior and War of the Robots).

There’s not much in the way of extra material sans the lauded Outrageous Otherwordly Beast Climax scene which is quite humorous given the size of his monster member. Strange alien beasts have sex with large fake penises. That’s a reason to watch a movie at least once. In fact, I dare say that people should try to screen that on as large a television as possible.

Uncut. Uncensored. All beast. One thing is for certain. This ain’t no marital aid.


-Doc Terror

I’ll be your man-beast Sirpa (if that is your real name).





No comments:

Post a Comment