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Thursday, April 10, 2014

POSEIDON REX: Your Tyrannosaurus Can Swim, But Still Can’t Change a Light Bulb

 Poseidon Rex. I tried an experiment on our Facebook page recently where I asked ya’ll to review this movie WITHOUT having seen it based solely on the title, perhaps reading the synopsis. If you watched the trailer, that’s akin to cheating. Why you might ask would I do something so absolutely bonkers. How can you possibly review a movie you haven’t seen? Well, with a movie like Poseidon Rex I had a feeling everyone would know exactly what kind of movie it was based on the synopsis and title alone. The few of you that responded were nearly 100% correct proving my point. Poseidon Rex really should have the same tag line as the infamous early 80’s slasher, splat fest Pieces… "It’s Exactly What You Think It Is." 
You read the title of this review right? You saw the name in the title?

Synopsis from Anderson Digital: 
 
A small, secluded island off the coast of Belize suddenly finds itself terrorized by a deadly predator from the planet’s distant past, when deep-sea divers accidentally awaken an ancient evil. Jackson Slate and his team of underwater cave explorers unearth much more than long-lost Mayan treasure while plumbing the depths of a world famous blue hole. They disturb a creature that’s been hibernating for over 60,000 years - a rampaging behemoth of death and destruction not only at sea but also on land.

Let’s take a giant reptile movie and combine it with a fish movie. That’s it. Jurassic Park meets Godzilla meets Jaws or other reasonable giant monster/freak of nature facsimile. We’re talking about the perfect rendition or carbon copy of a SyFy original feature in name, plot, acting and perhaps even in computer generated monster though I must admit that the great P Rex did look slightly above the pixelated skyscraper featured on SyFy. I was entertained. I was not shocked or awed or surprised. No plot twist could amend my feelings toward P. Rex and I probably could have garnered all the love I would have from the trailer. That’s not to say I didn’t have fun with Rex, but I had a small hope that it would live up to surprise Science Fiction, Giant Monster hit, Big Ass Spider! Now that was a truly unique vision of the monster movie built for a wider audience than the SyFy original crowd.

If you enjoy Poseidon Rex from the perspective of a monster movie-aholic… one who does not care about development of character, plot, can live without gore, can enjoy a glancing gaze at a scantily clad hottie femme actress then no harm will come to you and your dollars can be considered well spent. Horror fans looking for something unique… this ain’t it. Science Fiction fans who think… a lot… this may not be your cup of Oolong. I mean or maybe it’s a nice way to escape from thinking about wormholes and warp drives. 

April 18th this one will make it to ITunes and into theaters, so you have some time to prepare for the next composite monster amalgam.
-Doc Terror

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