LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

MIDNIGHT REVIEW DOUBLE FEATURE: Honey Buns and The Chambermaids (IMPULSE DVD)

Over the last two year's I've become acquainted with more adult films from the golden age of pornography than I ever thought I would. When you're a kid a discover your dad's stash, that's one thing. Your eyes are opened to a whole new world, and quite frankly it's been a long strange world since then, but never so educational as it has been over this last year. I've been relishing in the Vinegar Syndrome and Impulse titles that have fed an interest in this new cinematic underground for me. I feel like my brain looks a little more like 42nd Street every day. When we discuss them we typically post them as Midnight reviews (just in case your kids are sitting over your shoulder at breakfast trying to YouTube Kinder egg videos on YouTube). One thing is for certain, these movies can certainly keep you up at night.

So we have two new individually packaged movies from Impulse Pictures. The Chambermaids and Honey Buns. I must admit that I don't have much to say about these movies solely based on the format of each picture, but I'll elaborate the best I can. You deserve some kind of informed decision when sorting through gallons of smut. After all, you decided to come here and take a gander at 1970's bush rather than mindlessly click on YouPorn videos waiting for the next rim job.


Synopsis from Impulse:

AT THIS HOTEL, THE MAIDS ARE CERTAINLY LOOKING FOR LARGE TIPS… AND THEY GET ‘EM!

Mary Ellen and Sally, two lovely maids at a local hotel, are tired of their boring, dead-end cleaning jobs. To liven up their work, these two horny honeys decide to give the guests a little extra “room service.” When some honeymooners and businessmen arrive, the humping and bumping gets even hotter for our heroines as the night goes on. In the morning, will they decide to keep their jobs after all?


These are some wonderfully grindy pictures. Scratched and worn, but definitely lovingly preserved. If you wanted to watch a movie that looks like an old porn flick, The Chambermaids certainly fits that bill. It's not rated, 4:3 (1.33:1), and it's from 1974. The imperfection is noted on the cover and actually celebrated. At least you're getting to see this thing as it truly could have been lost.

The story itself is dry and really just a segue between sex scenes. You can tell that this is a somewhat unperfected art in 1974, and that they might as well have glued together hetero and lesbian sex scenes in rapid succession. There's an abundance of bush on both the ladies and the gents. If you're pubic hair phobic a. seek help. b. this may not be for you. At least, there's not blurred censoring. 

Personal favorite scene: single dark haired woman masturbating for an extended period of time. She just seemed really into it, and that kind of convincing acting is worth noting. 

Note: few partial French maid outfits featured in this movie. 


Synopsis from Impulse:

Poor Harry! He’s a clumsy, bumbling sad sack who works at the “Internally Yours” feminine hygiene company. Destined to remain eternally alone, Harry meets “The Magician”, a man who knows what Harry wants and gives him a red pill that will make all his dreams come true. Soon, Harry is making beautiful women appear and do his bidding, but there’s a catch! Just as soon as he gets aroused, the women vanish! Will Harry ever learn the secret to keeping these fantastic ladies in his life, or will he forever remain a limp chump? Hot adult film starlets Ushi Digard and Rene Bond appear in this crazy fantasy-themed erotic feature.

Where The Chambermaids tends to be more of a straightforward puerno without much plot to fill in the blanks, Honey Buns actually elaborates on its story frequently and integrates plot points into its sex scenes. Now this is from 1973, but it also seems to understands how to make an adult feature that can have a running story. It's actually quite humorous; moments of sexual gratuity give way to either bumbling frustration or moments of stress. The lead isn't your average Jamie Gillis which is to say he's perfectly type cast to play the part of a stressed out, sex-starved ninny. Of course when he gets down to fucking (after taking the red pill of course), you quickly learn the source of all his frustration... exceptionally hairy balls. More hair than is allowed by law. Quite honestly, there are scenes I had to fast forward solely based on the over testicles nearly hitting the camera. 

Best scene: The bathtub scene (and not the foursome). Probably because the soap hid Harry's balls (yes... his name is Harry).

The overall quality is bit warn, but again I think this adds to the enjoyment of the picture. 4:3 (1.33:1). It stars Ushi Digard and Rene Bond. I am not overly familiar with them but all actresses were attractive. Equally massive bush siren. I told you you need to get help for that pubic hair phobia.

Note: the cover for this one is also a misnomer. No honey on those buns.

Both movies are available now. They are light on features, but these are the kind of dirty flicks that speak for themselves. Favorite of the two? Honey Buns. It's raunchy but funny with a unique plot point (take a pill and have your desires fulfilled as handed to you by a magician of all people). 

-Doc Terror

No comments:

Post a Comment