Thursday, June 11, 2015
Fast Cars, Fast Women and Starship Eros (Vinegar Syndrome DVD) - The Strange Age of Fantasy Porn
Before we go further make sure to order this double feature from Vinegar Syndrome. If you like cars or space ships, you can't go wrong.
Order this Peekarama now.
Fast Cars, Fast Women
From Vinegar Syndrome:
Welcome to the erotic world of female racecar drivers! These high octane girls know how to rev up everyone’s engine, but when a group of sleazy mobsters begin attacking the girls and their friends, it’s up to their tough coach (Kay Parker) to unleash her own brand of revenge!
Director: Scott McHaley / 77m / 1981 / Color / 1.85:1
From the RV/Cop stop to the a mechanic's wet dream, Fast Cars, Fast Women lives up to its name. Plenty of racing action to get you hot with some of the most amazing women I've ever seen in adult film and that goes along way with my love of 70's and 80's porn. There's a balance of comedy with drama and of course plenty of adult action.
Most of the sex is generic, but that doesn't matter when you have high quality acting talent. There's some straight sex, a gorgeous lesbian RV scene, guy on girl in a garage and healthy, vocal solo shot and even a loofa filled shower scene. Hell even Ron Jeremy gets in on the action in a role as a villain.
What really stands out to me as just how cinematic this movie really is. Sure it's a porn, but they also shot alternate softcore cuts to consider it for a wider more legitimate release. These are protagonists you can get behind. It looks like a real movie with production value despite the old "persuade the track manager for a new pit" routine. The thing even ends with a big ol' race and has a country performance a la Loretta Lynn right in the middle of the movie.
What a theme song! "Fast Cars, Fast Women, easy money and easy livin'". Of course that might not beat the live performance from said band mid-movie with, "slide on in, the sheets are still warm, let your body go free and slip right into my arms”.
From Vinegar Syndrome:
Aboard the Starship Eros, the all-female crew have nothing but time to indulge their erotic fantasies, with the help of their robotic servant.
Director: Scott McHaley / 67m / 1979 / Color / 1.85:1
Now here's where things get just plane wacky. It's not that Starship Eros isn't fun, but it is a bit too ambitious for its low budget. That means we get sub par, in-house, very amateur modeling effects, a C3PO mask for our robot, dick machine and some knock of Star Trek costumes for our leading ladies. If I had to compare it to a feature film it would be Dark Star (you know... the Dan O'Bannon/John Carpenter film school jobber). That's not to say it's great. Dark Star was pretty great even with it's budget in the way.
First off make sure to watch the brief producer intro. It adds production value to this low budget affair. The music is generic synth score #53, but in a way that's wholly appropriate. The picture opens as Commadner Venus engages in some hot tub masturbation when she is interrupted by an important phone call. She has to get her flight suit ready but not before her companion is ordered in leaderly fashion, "time for you to do me". That's literally the line.
Most of the movie follows a crew of lesbians in space, warring, converting a prison and trying to sexually educate the ship's robot. He wants to learn to cum by himself! Let me paint the picture. Beautiful women fucking a guy with a front long underwear hatch, wearing a C3PO mask and an electronic gizmo chest plate with a mini-tape deck. There's intermittent shitty swing rock music but eventually the synth returns and we can all rest our head tknowing the origin of the Casio keyboard's most annoying preset.
Unlike Fast Cars, Fast Women, the dialogue has gone to shit. It's atrocious and thus hilarious. Simple sci-fi lingo statements that are delivered forcefully.
Combine these simple facts with the use of a ray gun as a nip and vag zapping punishment, archaic beaming up and... wait for it... wait for it...AMAZOIDS... not the grass.. the space people. it's a shor enough movie to deliver it's comedic horribleness before it realizes just how bad it is.
Line of the movie? "Quasar is gonna come. Without being programmed!"... "bless my diodes and resistors, I did it on my own, hurray". Remeber that the whole thing takes place in 1995 after all. Just after grunge right?
Keep your "directional gyros and solar cells on". I'm pretty sure you know you need this porn parody fans.
From the bowels and brains of American International to the rib cage and eye sockets of Amicus, Doc Terror will write your eyes shut from the prehistory to the post apocalypse of horror.Doc Terror is a contributor to The Liberal Dead and The Dead Air Podcast.