Saturday, April 16, 2011

Day 16 of the 30 Day Horror Challenge: The Children (not the ones who shouldn't play with dead things either)

Day 16 - Your favorite childhood themed horror film –

“It only takes five to hold a town in TERROR…”

I love New England. I love yellow radioactive waste clouds covering over a school bus and turning all the children (THE CHILDREN) into radioactive zombie murderers. I love New England clam chowder. I love pilgrims. I love The Children.

I first had my chance to enjoy this one late night at the Exhumed 24 Hour Movie Marathon in Late October 2009. That night was pivotal in that I was at the first movie marathon not hosted in my living room. It was a night of great films, new friends and lots of energy drinks. So when this puppy came on somewhere in the wee hours of the morning my bleary eyes perked open, removed my hand from my pants (it always seems to make its way to my balls while sleeping… T.M.I.) and laughted my ever loving ass off. It was like love on-demand. Movie with poor make up, bad acting, simple plot and good body count with twist ending.

From Wiki-Horror (yes, that’s Wikipedia and if you don’t like me using it invent something that is as easy to use and as accurate no matter how user updated the fucking thing is):

The Children (a.k.a The Children of Ravensback) is a 1980 low budget horror film, written and produced by Carlton J. Albright. The movie is about five children in a small town who, thanks to a yellow toxic cloud, are transformed into bloodless zombies with black fingernails who microwave every living thing they put their hands on. The surviving adults of the town must attempt to put a stop to them.
The film is currently being distributed by Troma Entertainment.

That’s the nutshell you’ve been wanting your favorite movie to wrapped up in… isn’t it? The poster is great. The fact that no one outside of the horror speaking/fluent world knows about this gem is astounding. I hope you watch it with lots of people who like to laugh and drink beer. I hope you tell your friends and your kids about this one (but make sure you don’t get them wet or feed them after midnight but more importantly don’t think for one second that their bus driver has the common sense not to drive a school bus full of children through a strange fog centered directly next to a nuclear plant).

Interestingly enough, if you have difficult time find a copy (and yes Troma re-released it recently) you can always grab it on the Grindhouse Experience Volume 1 alongside nineteen other movies you’ve probably never seen (see below for listing). It’s a great way to pick it up since I’ve heard the special features on the DVD leave something to be desired. Support Troma, but if you’re on a budget the box set gives you more movie for your buck (tag line on that product is “Open All Night! 20 Great Films!! One Admission Price!!! … With the exclamation points increasing with each phrase).

Grindhouse Experience Movie List:
- Womens Camp 119
- Tortured Angels
- Savage Man/Savage Beast
- Raw Force
- Confessions Of A Police Captain
- Executioner 2
- Poseidon Explosion
- Earthquake 7.9
- Violent Professionals
- Frank And Tony
- Kung Fu Punch Of Death
- Return Of The Tiger
- Go Kill And Come Back
- Bounty Man
- Three Tough Guys
- Mandinga
- The Children
- Demon Witch Child
- High School Hitchhikers
- Carry On Emannuelle

A review that tells you not to see this movie because it is too “B” is a review that you should not believe. It’s 1980. Too “B” or not to fucking “B”. Troma. Grindhouse. Radioactive Kids. “Pray You Never Meet Them”. Oh and watch the new The Children (with the “R” turned around like in KORN or Toys R’ Us). It’s great, but I’ve been too busy catching up on my Sudoku puzzles (read: lazy).

-Dr. Terror

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