Monday, May 9, 2011

How To Make A Horror Host Pt. 4: Elvira, Mistress of The Dark

Putting the boob back in BOOBtube never seemed like more fun. Disclaimer: I have a crush on Elvira and am obviously not afraid to admit it. Beyond her physical attributes for which she is well known (and well endowed) she is known for her crafty punnery. She’s a comic genius and if you don’t believe she’s a comic genius then she’s a combination of Vampira and Elvis which is actually true (like totally).

Elvira Mistress of the Dark should be watched every Halloween. It’s great for adolescent young men and old men alike. It’s also good for folks who can still have fun while watching a movie. I’m not sure you’ll ever see the Criterion Collection come out with their edition of this fine film, but I’ll be the first to bark like a dog for it. She’s a very important horror hostess. She helped me become… (dramatic pause) a MAN. For those of you who would have a stomach strong enough to even begin to want to know what that means know that I still shave my palms to this day at the expense of this maginificant woman. They called me wolfie throughout high school (no one called me that… but you get where I’m going with this… puke).

Born Cassandra Peterson and hailing from Manhattan… Kansas, she was slated to revive the image of Vampira for a new television program. When that failed to emerge Elvira was born (shut your lawsuit filing mouth). She cut her teeth as a Go Go Dancer and stand up comedian, but evolved into a horror icon, horror host, beer advertiser and home video connoisseur.

Origin of Elvira

Elvira as Palin (I’d vote for her):

This song actually gets stuck in my head at least twice a year:

ThrillerVideo, Midnight Madness, Movie Macabre. Queen of Camp (and of my heart as well as other organs only seen in medical journals).

If her theme music doesn’t turn you on… you’re not listening… or not easily susceptible to audio-erotica especially when the music isn’t overtly erotic i.e. no moaning/orgasming.

-Dr. Terror

Note to reader: Anybody have the latest single by I Latins Ochanats? Oh, and if somebody who has Comcast in Northwest, Jersey ever figures out when her Movie Macabre show airs you'll get a free gift. I don't exactly do gifts so it'll be something... free. Which is good, right?

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