Thursday, June 16, 2011

No Swimming!!! 30 Day Horror Film Challenge STRIKES BACK! Day 16

Day 16: Character you would leave to die –

I actually feel kinda bad for admitting this one. The person I would leave to die is not a hateful, evil person. This person is not underhanded or backstabbing. This person is Laverne, Deke's girlfriend, from the Raft straight out of the anthology classic Creepshow 2. Wouldn't you think it'd be Bill Paxton's character, William Hudson, from Aliens? Somebody like that right?

I leave Laverne to die because she obviously was going nowhere in life. Deke is a very poor choice of a man/mate. Yes, he's covered in muscles. Yes, he smokes a mean doobie and drive's a bitchin' car with a bitchin' horn with bitchin' music, but honestly, this guy is a loser. Laverne is going to end up dating loser after endless loser until one of 'em knocks her up. She'll lose that hot little body of hers. Discover that her only redeeming quality is her scream (which will fade in time) and then she'll wake up one day, half a widowmaker of Jack Daniels down her throat smokin' a pack o' Kools wonderin' where Mr. Right went.

Mr. Right? Well Mr. Right is on the other side of the raft of course. He's our dork in shining armor,Randy "Help It Hurts" or Poncho as I like to affectionately call him. Much Ecological (fuck you Deke!). Anyway, Laverne doesn't see Randy for the intelligent, hunk of man that he is (maybe 1/4 hunk). Christ, the little perve waits for her to finally go to sleep to even get a peek at her ta ta's. That's hopeless romanticism at an all new level of hopeless. The only thing stopping Randy and Laverne from living happily ever after is Laverne. He's so noble. Keeping her warm with his body heat (even if that fuckin' oil slick still wants chow). She's still thinking/crying about Deke.

Laverne dies... so maybe she wasn't the best choice of person I would "let die" because in all fairness she only dies because Randy is a perve, but given the chance for me to jump into that lake, swim to shore and the only way to bide my time... to catch even a hope of a chance at beating the living Exxon Valdeez is to throw her to the slick... it's done done done.

Full Story... THE RAFT!!!

We got to see your boobies. Now she has to die. Aren't those the rules? Also, you're pregnant with Deke's Mongoloid child. Smoke another one down!

-Dr. Jimmy Terror

Post Script: I'm not that heartless guys. Would I try to save Laverne from the oil slick monster? No. Would I push her in? No. Would I let her die? Probably would because that damn oil slick scared the ever lovin' shit out of me. It's the fight or flight mechanism at work. Nature vs. Nurture. Ya, get me? I mean it's not like I'd take her to a raft in the middle of nowhere knowing that he raft monster was there!

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