LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Thursday, December 27, 2012

From the Lab Notes of Franklin-Stein: How much do Boobs cost in the Matrix?" or "Resident Evil: Retribution"


Note to our readers: Frank Browning has been contributing here in one way or another for some time. You see his handy work all over this page and even in some articles. Frank will be contributing a column under the guise of one, Franklin-Stein. Frank makes me laugh. Let Frank make you laugh. Hopefully we'll have a new column/page dedicated to all of Frank hi-jinx around DOCTERROR.COM soon. 


Greetings, True Believers!

Doc Terror has, once again, allowed me to grace his blog with my insane ramblings of Boobs and Bullets. Today, we’ll be looking at Resident Evil: Retribution.

Firstly, I must give much thanks to my twin brother, the good Dr. Terror himself, for purchasing this Blu Ray for me . T’was my Christmas gift from him. As he will tell you, it’s not always easy to just blast out to the theater and catch a flick when you have stinky babies of which to take care. With that said, I will not be commenting on the 3D aspect of the film for I have no knowledge of it.
Now, if you’re looking for an in-depth analysis with excruciating detail to its faithfulness to the game franchise, you are simply retarded and there is no help/hope for you. Likewise, I shan’t rant about how poorly it was shot or destroy it for being unoriginal. You’d be looking for the heartless film hipster down the street…


Surely to God you guys have figured out by now that the Games and the Films exist almost without knowledge of each other’s existence, save for sharing a few characters and monsers (that is not a typo. That’s how I pronounce the word “Monsters” to my 7 month old Son, Liam. If you liked any of the previous films, then I believe you will enjoy this one because it has more of everything!
Right about now, you may be asking yourself, “What does the Matrix/Boob thing have to do with Resident Evil?” That’s a good question. Simply put, I thought it was a good play on words, based upon a joke from the movie Grandma’s Boy, due to this film’s use of Sienna Guillory’s cleavage (see above) and the ‘Bullet-Time-esque’ slow-motion action scenes that make up a third of its content.

HERE’S THE PLOT: Alice fights alongside a resistance movement in the continuing battle against the Umbrella Corporation and the undead.

So, what do I find interesting about this movie?


We’ll get to the Soviet Red Army Zombies Wielding Chainsaws on Motorcycles… later.

Hold on to your seats kiddies, we gonna bullet-point this mofo!

  •         You can never go wrong with a Slow-mo, Action-Packed Battle scene played out in Reverse.



Retribution opens exactly where Afterlife leaves off, with a seemingly brainwashed, blonde and bigger boobied Jill Valentine leading an Air Strike on the poor survivors of the Arcadia.


So Chaos ensues and most of the survivors are vaporized, as it were. Alice gets blown into the water.

  •               Old Frenemies return from the Dead, but are not Zombies?! WHA?!




 ·        Some characters use sign language throughout the film.

No jokes here. Alice has a daughter, Becky, in this film who is hard of hearing. She and Alice sign to each other throughout the movie. This is a very touchy subject to me because my wife, Sarah, has a hearing disability. Therefore I find it awesome that they portray Becky’s character in a very positive way and don’t kill her character off in some jerky way that exploits her disability, like having a Zombie come up from behind and kill her because she couldn’t hear it. On that same note, the movie, along with all the special features, has subtitles/captions on them. This goes a LONG way in my book.

  •                 Soviet Red Army Zombies…





Do I really need to say anything more?

Overall, I think this movie is very fun. It has more action and horror in it than all the previous installments (combined almost). It also has some familiar themes in it that bring it back to basics, such as underground facilities with huge doors attached to timers and lickers behind you at every step, but with new tricks to keep it interesting.

If you’re a fan of Bullets, Boobs and Soviet Red Army Zombies Wielding Chainsaws on Motorcycles, this movie has your name written all over it. If not, then you’re probably going to enjoy this movie about as much as performing a colonoscopy on yourself… twice.

Make sure you watch this with the lights down low and the surround-sound full blast…
From Russia with Love,

-Franklin-Stein


You can pick up Resident Evil: Retribution at Amazon below:



ABOUT THE VISUAL ARTIST, FRANK BROWNING:

Born and raised in southern West Virginia, Frank Browning's passion for art developed at a very young age.. He would spend time recreating his favorite images from his beloved Marvel comic books while "Empire Strikes Back" played in the background. He continued to develop his talent throughout high school, then took that talent to college. He graduated from Marshall University in Huntington, West Virginia, with a bachelor's in graphic design.

Frank has a broad range of talent and has designed for the likes of Spencer's, Hot Topic, FYE, HBO, Capcom, Epic Games, DC, Warner Brothers, and Jim Hensen Company, to name a few. Many of his designs can still be found in Spencer's stores today.

Frank currently works for the West Virginia Department of Education and enjoys doing freelance design projects. He loves all things horror, Star Wars, and Marvel, but his favorite thing is spending time with his wife and  son.



2 comments: