LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Video Nasty Update 6: The Last of the Nasties



So that wraps up the challenge. I have now seen every Video Nasty. I have see what the censors in the UK in 1984 and thereafter wanted no citizen to see. People were imprisoned and fined for seeing these movies, and I watched them in my PJ’s while dreaming of better bunny slippers.

I guess what you’d like to know is what was the unifying force behind all the film cuts and non releases. What prevented normal people from watching these movies. People are scared of the human body; what comes out of it, what goes into it and what can happen to it. Furthermore, censors have an aversion to Italian splatter films and Nazisploitation no matter how undeserving of the dreaded red pen. Guys, the blood looks like red paint half the time; Crayola Number fucking 5. Not every film can be a Cannibal Holocaust with gruesome realistic violence and super mega strange torture of a native people. Most of these movies could nearly air on television today with the right cuts.

I’d like to recap the rest of the Video Nasties throughout the year as I find the time. These would be the movies I have not written up so far (the balance of the challenge movies). We’ll see how far I get with that considering we still have a Giallo Challenge to finished and must complete the horror films of 1980 (which is going very well).

Night School aka Terror Eyes




With an iconic early 80’s VHS cover and a motorcycle helmet adorned killer, this film is pretty dry and ordinary but at least it has some fun slasher aesthetics from just prior to the boom going bang. The lead reminds me of a young Warren Beatty; Shame it wasn’t in acting ability either. The killer uses a great knife. If that does it for you then you’ll be a happy slasher fan. Should this be on the Nasty list? I think the censor board needed some coffee.

SS Experiment aka SS Experiment Love Camp


Naziploitation is always exciting. Torture. Naked hotties (hopefully hotties). Debauched, completely outlandish murders in the name of science. It’s the mad scientist aspect of these movies that intrigues me even though the reality of the collective mad scientists sometimes eats at me more than I’d like to admit. It’s not hard to top Ilsa in that regard. How do you top a movie that is perfectly designed to be balanced funny, gruesome, sexy? You can go too far in any direction. Too much torture/experimentation and you might as well watch Saw or the trailer. Too much sex and nudity and your viewing will be inhibited by your own hand in your pants. The plot is the same but without iconic or distinguishable leads they can fall apart. It’s still one of my favorite subgenres. SS uniforms are fucking sexy as is the abundance of voluptuous women of the 70’s.

Shogun Assassin



The classic martial arts battle. Epic story. The one that has been the inspiration for a generation of shogun fans. It bored the ever loving shit out of me. I could barely stay awake and it dragged on and on and on. I suppose I understand the significance in film history and genre perspective but I'm not sure this is my cup of tea even though I'm a fan of martial arts films. I suppose I'm missing something philosophically. It's not even a true nasty; it's just a movie that was picked up and confiscated from time to time. Let Tarantino have his Shogun Assassin. I'll give it another watch at a different time of day when I can enjoy it with some coffee. Long. Late at night. Subtitles. Doesn't fly.

Bloody Moon



From the opening sequence where a deformed man dresses up like Mickey Mouse to the the Euro cinema prog score with hints of Goblin and Italy abounding, this movie is classic Franco. That means I love it. Jesus Franco is always a gory good time, but what may surprise you is that the production value is also quite good. This isn't one of this semi-porn romps with nudity in every scene. Just every other scene. Waiting till the end to watch a movie that epitomizes the nasty list, the blood, the brutality makes me glad to have waited a month to say goodbye to the nasties. I'll be exploring this movie more and can't wait for a better quality release. Nice nips (of course they are).

Hope this was worth your while and hope you were inspired to watch a few of these with me. There are plans for a Video Nasty, Tournament of Nasties coming up (a professional wrestling style tournament to decide the nastiest). I’m also making it my business to collect and own all the Nasties. I owe it to them. Movies have feelings and these movies had their feelings punished for too damn long.

-Dr. TERROR

No comments:

Post a Comment